A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:People always say that men have an overblown sense of entitlement when it comes to sex. But I think some women can be like this too. I'm not trying to be sexist. I just think there are some situations where it's always the woman who "decides" when it's time to have sex, even if the guy is not interested at the time.Am I wrong? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (16 January 2012):
 A man has to be aroused and hard for sex to work. If he isn't interested his dick won't come up and therefore no sexual intercourse can occur.
A woman needs to be aroused for her juices to flow. If she's not aroused, she will be dry and then sex will be painful and hurt. Many woman are stupid enough to suffer like this.
A man ripping your dry vagina open for his own pleasure.... sure you say yes, and so therefore it's not rape. But I don't do sex to end up in pain and sore for days, that's why it's no if I'm not aroused by you.
Guess being forced to be battered by a penis which causes you pain might be a reason for an "overblown sense of entitlement" that women feel over the right to say no to sex. In the 21st century, men can say no as well, and if they're not aroused, then they can't be raped (excluding anal sex)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2012): Nice question.
I think your impression comes from the fact that women are culturally trained (at least in the western world) to be gate-keepers to sex. In a conservative home, they're told to save and value their virginity and that they shouldn't be misled into sex by someone other than their One. Even in a more liberal home, this same cultural attitude get's expressed in different ways; you shouldn't have sex until your "ready" and you should never be coerced into it or do it just to please a man. I think this cultural role is where that saying "no means no" comes from. You needn't worry about marriage or letting your virginity appreciate, but you are still the gate keeper to your body.
I'm not at all advocating rape, but women do have more leeway and a responsibility in refusing sex and perhaps this is where you get this impression. Part of it is just the physical constraints of our gender. It's not that we feel less sexual than men, but anatomy-wise, we really aren't the ones that initiate intercourse in the technical sense. We can't close our vaginas...so we tend to verbalize if we don't want to have sex.
But for what it's worth, I tire of the gate-keeper role. I leads to some gender stereotyping that I don't like myself: that if a woman is sexually aggressive, then there must be something wrong with her...or if a man is sexually passive, then he must be deficient in some way.
I do suspect you might be taking a personal issue and making a generalization out of it. Perhaps you're just having sex with a woman whose just not as interested in sex as you are?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2012): I think what you may be asking is why do women have the control in some sexual relationships. While men are stereotypically more dominant toward sex, women definitely have the control. They can shoo men away or invite them to their boudior at liesure if they so choose. Most women have a bevy of men to choose from, whereas even hot guys have to be at least a little agressive and competitive at times to get a partner. It's just the way of the wild...hormone driven.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 Overblown sense of entitlement ? strange definition.
There are surely cases where the woman has a higher sex drive than her man, or, perhaps , alas , she fancies him more, and more often, than viceversa.
But the man can always say thanks but no thanks. He does not HAVE to say yes everytime if he is not in the mood, same as a woman does not have to have sex just because the guy wants.
Certainly, if the two libidos are badly mismatched, and people aren't willing to work out a compromise, then there is a problem. But not necessarily depending from sense of entitlement !, just from compatibility.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 I suspect there is a problem. Namely, that poster can only have sex if and when posteress wants. I hope I'm wrong.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 January 2012):
 Isn't this just another way to describe differing levels of sex drive? Maybe "overblown sense of entitlement" to some would be "higher interest in sex"?I expect there are plenty of couples where one partner has a much higher sex drive. In some cases, this leads to resentment, no doubt. Don't you think saying that "people always say men have an overblown sense of entitlement" is a bit overly dramatic? I don't think people always say that.You are not wrong that sometimes it is the woman who tries to set the sexual schedule, just as sometimes it is the man.Is there some sort of problem?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): Of course there are OP. It's kind of the same for both men and women really. "Overblown sense of entitlement" is a strange one though. There is a thin line between that and sexual needs. Both women and men may well view their partners attitude as being that way, whereas the partner themselves may just feel they're asking for their needs to be met. I can only really see that phrase being used by a couple with different sex drives or perhaps a couple where one partner doesn't give pleasure back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2012): In some instances that could be true. I know of a couple of women who even have separate rooms to their husbands and simply won't have sex with them, and if the man says he isn't ineterested they will get angry and make life hell, or even say "you may as well take this opportunity because you might not get another one". I would say in general though that it's not the case, I think relationships are more complex than that, and sometimes each gender will have sex when they are not really into it to please their partner.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): (Please pardon my crudity here.) A vagina is always an open hole, but a penis has to be more or less hard for traditional intercourse to take place. I would think a man "not interested" in having sex would in many cases be quite unable to do so.Realistically, when it comes to sex you either feel like it or you don't. If you are "on" but your partner is "off", you really shouldn't pressure them for sex. If they are "on" but you are "off", likewise, they shouldn't pressure you. Sex should really not be happening if it's not something that both of you want.If you feel that your partner is only willing to have sex at times you don't prefer, you need to speak to her. Understand that the result is going to have to be a compromise of some sort, and if one cannot be made then maybe you two are not sexually compatible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2012): Maybe you need to specify your question a bit..is there something going on in your personal life that you'd like to get advice on?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (6 January 2012):
 I don't think so, the man can say no too. I suppose it sort of goes both ways in a relationship that occasionally people do things they don't want to to make their partners happy, but I've really heard of a LOT more instances of women agreeing to sex and sex acts they don't want than men. In fact it's so common it's a really common joke in chick flicks and TV shows where women talk about their sex lives and how they do it to get him to go to sleep or stop bugging her or whatever. I mean there's even a historical quote about it how women can tolerate unwanted sex, "lay back and think of England."
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (6 January 2012):
I don't think reality is that simple.
If a woman says she doesnt' want to have sex, then she should be left alone. You would say that this gives the woman control over sex. She would then decide whether there will be sex or not. But sometimes women, particularly wives, do not really feel like having sex but agree to it because the man asked, and the woman thinks long term. Or she doesn't like that particular lovemaking position he enjoys a lot, but agrees to it because he asked. Et cetera.
I could agree if your statement were that some relationships are made in such a way that only one of the partners has real decision making power regarding whether there will be sex or not. She would refuse sex first, and then, once in control in that area, would say when the man will get the lovemaking he so much wants, and then only as much as she wants.
Difficult topic, you know?
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