A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am dating a great woman for almost a year now. She is the first relationship I have had after my divorce, but she is not the "rebound chick" as they call it. I met her after my emotions had calmed. We are considering marriage. Our relationship is very sexually active...more than I am accustomed to, and frankly, a little intimidating some times. For many months, the only time we shared loving, bonding experiences or went places was when she was having her period. Every other time, we were having sex or only going local places. So the relationship is predominantly sexual, but we have toned back a bit in the last 4 months and gotten to go on trips and spend some quality time together. We bond so well, it is amazing. The sex is now just the icing on the cake, rather than the whole meal. It great! However, the pressure to keep the sex active is still there, and while i love daily sex, I prefer daily bonding. I can tell she is worried about the sex waning, but we still do it about once a day. I want this relationship to stand on its own...to know that it is based on love and not on sex. I am thinking about curtailing sex, or limiting it, for a few weeks to see how we handle it. If she's into it, and understands why I'm doing this and agrees, is this a fair test for a relationship? Will it just put undue stress on it or make it unnatural? I guess why I'm asking is, I had less sex in my marriage, but shared a bond that was solid. I now have the sex, but dont have the deep bond yet...and my subconscious needs that bond to marry. Should I give it time, or is this a legitimate test? Maybe it's unfair to compare to my marriage. Maybe I should let this love grow.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): "We bond so well, it is amazing. The sex is now just the icing on the cake, rather than the whole meal."
It sounds to me like you're pretty satisfied overall, but you're just a little unfamiliar with having sex so frequently. Can I also point out that you and your ex-wife bonded really well and didn't have as much sex, but you're also no longer married to her?
Why can't you do fun things together AND have sex? Do an activity you would consider to be "bonding," and then go home or back to the hotel where you're vacationing for a romp. Both people are happy that way, yes?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): What exactly was the stong bond you had in your marriage, which ended in a divorce?
If I were your partner and you put me through a test to prove myself I would be very quickly looking for a new partner!
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Seems reasonable to me... but yeh, try talking to her about it and let her know that nothing is wrong, you just want to get to know her better and wot-not.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Talk to her about it. Either she'll understand, or she's not the girl for you. If she agrees to a no-sex (or less-sex) test, that *will* put stress on the relationship, but probably won't break it. The only real danger is that your sex life won't go back to the current frequency afterwards unless you really work at it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): You are a unique man. Sex is a good thing, it should enhance relationship. You are lucky that she is so responcive. I don't see reasons to worry about anything.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Maybe you should just talk to her about it....
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