A
female
age
36-40,
*essper84
writes:Do you think a guy is cheating if he use to turn his phone off at night during our relationship? He saids it was because he didn't want no one to wake him up while he was sleeping or no one look through his phone, meaning his parents because they are muslim and I was a secret at the time and I wasn't able to go where he lived. We broke up for a year but I'm trying to work it out with him again and get past that I was a secret and also get past if he did chcheat on me...but he did give a lot of attention during our relationship so I never questiones it until the end cause I got tired of dealing with that...but he did introduce me to his mom but she still won't except me...he said maybe in time they will because I get sscared having a baby with him...(they won't except me they won't see my baby)...don't know if I'm wrong but that's just how I feel...and it hurts cause I don't have a lot of family I would love another family but I know that won't happen....he says things are gonna be different so let's me see just don't want to waste anymore time I been with him for almost 5 years....
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female
reader, SillyB +, writes (28 July 2010):
 TIME TO MOVE ON
5 years and you're still not married - your still a secret to most of his family. When exactly will he tell everyone about you, when will they even accept you?
It sounds to me like you have some deeper issues than this relationship. Perhaps issues with your family which have allowed you to be treated in such a way (to be kept a secret for so long, to continue wanting acceptance from him and his family even though there is very little to go around).
I think its time you take yourself to a counselor hun - tell with these issues first and everything else will clear itself up. No one deserves to be treated like this. There are boys out there who will bring you into their families where you will be loved and known about. Why do this to yourself??
Hope this helps.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): Im a female in a relationship and I still recieve text messges late at night from guys.I keep minimal contact with them do text back occasionally. I keep my phone on silent at night due to the fact we live together and hes right beside me and I dont want him to hear one coming in at 2:30 in the morning! When he asked me why I keep mine on silent I told him the same excuse..I dont want to be woke up,etc.The only reason for turning off your phone is to hide what your doing. He may not be cheating but hes more than likely texting.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Depends. Do you have a history of calling when he was trying to sleep? I had one ex who would do that all the time, even after I asked her to stop, so I turned my phone off. Judging by your post, you seem really eager to keep in contact and move the relationship forward, so that's probably the case.
If not, maybe he just needs the time alone. Again, you sound as though you are really trying to push the relationship forward, and he may not be ready for that. Either way, I doubt he's cheating if he cares so much about his family's opinion of you.
Either way, pushing for a family is not going to make him come around, and will annoy his family. Many Muslim families (religious families in general, actually) tend to be upset by marriage to one not of the faith. This might never go away; you need to deide if you could live the rest of your life knowing they will not accept you. If you can do that, go for it; more realistically, I'd suggest finding a new guy just on those grounds.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Too many secrets can often lead to lack of trust. I know you say you love him, but still... you are being regarded as his little dirty secret. That would not sit well with me.
As for tuning your phone off at night... I did that. It's night, I need to sleep not be on the phone.
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