A
female
age
41-50,
*ap
writes:Ok i need help! A bit of history is that my childrens father was a serial cheat throughout our 10 year long relationship, this ended 2 years ago. I t took me a while but i am now over it and feel really ready to move on. I dated a couple of guys previously but didnt get feelings towards them then 6 months ago i met bob.Bob had split from his ex partner of 3 years 1 year ago when she left him for another man at 4 months pregnant. He still has lots of contact with the baby and seems a brill dad.Our relationship developed slowly and we didnt jump straight in bed together but got to know each other for about 6-8 weeks first. I have developed some really strong feelings for Bob as he treats me so nice and is so affectionate with me. We get on really well and he comes over several times a week.The problem is that the other night i told him i loved him and his responce was.. well its nice your being honest about your feelings - ouch!! I believed he felt the same. The following day through texts he asked me why i had seemed upset last night and i answered that it was his response to my comment, he added that he loves me but is not in love with me yet. I havent a clue how to take all this. After 6 months i feel i want to be with him more and more and would like to talk about maybe a future together, he seems to be happy to keep things exactly as they are and i dont know if he will ever want what i do. Last night he stated how nice i am to him and added that he thinks a lot of me. Am i wasting my time with him? Should he not know by now if he is in love? or am i rushing him? please help i really dont want to be hurt again or ruin something that seems so good! thanks xx
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female
reader, zap +, writes (27 July 2010):
zap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah we are committed to one another, girlfriend/ boyfriend and stuff. We dont just sleep together, we do days out with the kids etc.
I just worry that i know how i feel about him and the more time we spend together the more i miss him when he goes home, he says he misses me too and he thinks a lot of me... not sure though if he sees this relationship moving on at all or if it will remain like this. I dont want to invest my feelings in someone that keeps me at arms length! Thankyou all for the advice xx
A
female
reader, zap +, writes (27 July 2010):
zap is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for your messages, yeah he does make me happy and he does seem to have feelings for me. I think its a big deal for me as i spent 10 years with my ex who never said he loved me despite me telling him often, in the end i found out he was cheating and told me he had never loved me.
I kinda feel worried that my new boyfriend may never love me too, he says he is really happy and i worry too much and should go with the flow
Thankyou all for your messages... taken on board!! xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Love just happens honey..it doesn't have a time or age limit. Just try to keep your feelings under wraps...the last thing you want is to start caring or loving a person more than they love you because, the person who cares the most, will be the one putting forth alot of effort in trying to make the relationship "work." Just let it flow naturally. Stop asking him does he love you and let him tell you when he means it. If you keep probing for him to say that he loves you, he may end up saying it and not really meaning it!!!
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 6 months is way too fast to say you love someone, particularly for a guy.
A common misconception among women is that guys are uncomfortable expressing their feelings simply because they are guys. We are simply very aware of the consequences of being doing so. Women respond well to small displays of affection, but beyond a certain threshold (which is different for every woman), they respond very, very poorly. It leaves us vulnerable to rejection, and some guys develop very strong defense mechanisms against that.
It is also possible that his rational mind is trying to prevent him from growing too attached to you, given your relationship history and the fact that you have kids.
Just let him move at his own pace for now. He'll come around, or he won't, and the only thing you can do to facilitate that is accepting it.
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A
female
reader, casey.44 +, writes (27 July 2010):
 Well sometimes it takes time. Sadly. Try waiting a little longer. And if he says "your waisting your time with him" Then he does care. Talk to him about see if theres any feelings there. Good luck. [:
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 I know how frustrating it can be when men do not communicate their feelings. Men find it hard to say how they feel. they tend to show it more. FRom what you have said it sounds like he has feelings for you. Do not keep asking him and enjoy what he is giving you. He is making youhappy isnt he? Well tell him that. Show him that you appreciate the things he is doing. he will eventually fall in love with you. Do develop a live of your own and dont just revolve around his. Keep looking nice and sexy and surprise him sometimes. Make the relationship fun and unpredictable.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, Medea +, writes (27 July 2010):
 Six months should be enough to know for some, may be he's just not ready to take the next step, don't expect too much from him and don't give more than you receive in emotions. Just enjoy it while it lasts and make the most of it and who knows.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Carina1993 +, writes (26 July 2010):
I don't thi there is a time limit for these things so just give him as long as he needs... In my opinion 6 months is very fast to begin to love someone
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