A
female
age
36-40,
*ockabye_Billie
writes:Okay, so I've become attracted to a coworker and we've been hanging out every day for the past two weeks. We're not officially dating and we consider ourselves just friends, but there is a definite mutual attraction between us.He just came out of a 5-year relationship and is going through a divorce.Big question is, am I his rebound? Part of me says just don't rush into anything with him or expect the relationship to go anywhere and I'll be fine, but I'm still scared of getting hurt.He and I actually talked about it last night. I asked him how he coped with getting a divorce and he said 'it helps to have a great distraction.' I replied "oh no that's a terrible thing to say! That's like a rebound!" He said "Oh f*** no that's not what this is at all!" He explained to me that he loves being with me and spending time with me and it's refreshing how much we have in common. He said he and his ex had nothing in common, he's accepted the divorce and that it's over for good, and he doesn't even want to be with her or talk to her anymore. He said he never thinks about her anymore. He told me that he doesn't want us to become a rebound thing because he cares for me too much and doesn't want to hurt me. Should I believe him when he says this, or could I still be some sort of subconscious rebound for him? Like I said, for the past 2 weeks we have hung out during lunch and in the evenings after work every day. Our relationship isn't really a physical one - I don't jump into sex with someone after a couple of weeks. We aren't kissing or anything. He never talks about his ex to me, doesn't compare me to her, and won't even bring it up unless I ask and even then sometimes he won't talk about it.Can I get someone's opinion? What should I do? Am I a rebound for this guy? Should I run like hell or just see where things go and keep my guard up?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): i dont know what to tell you .. im facing the exact same thing ... but i got with him in a relationship 3 months ... and now i regret it because he is becoming cold and i keep asking myself .. am i rebound or not ??
so in order to avoid questionning yourself later on or F**** up your head . take time .. wait for at least 3 months and try to not get attached to him or you will be seriously hurt if you are really a rebound to him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2010): If he's genuinely just hanging out with you and hasn't jumped into anything physical, he might actually be interested in you. It's a good thing that he isn't constantly talking to you about his ex and that you are actually connecting.
My advice is to take it slow. It's hard to know what his subconscious intentions with you are. I wouldn't engage in anything physical (not even kissing!) with him for a while until you have a better feel for the situation. If he's actually very into you, he's not going to mind if you aren't ready to do things. He'll respect that you aren't ready.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (28 July 2010):
 Don't worry about what he said. Guys tend to say things that upset women when we're caught off guard. You're probably not the rebound, unless he's seeing other chicks on the side. Rebounds are nearly always about the sex, and if you're not putting out, you're probably safe.
Not to alarm you, but I have seen guys who seek out the "emotional rebound" after a breakup. The warning sign of this is if he is getting sex from other girls. Don't sabotage the relationship by snooping or anything, just keep your guard up and try to let the relationship develop naturally.
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