A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I'm a 18 years old girl, I consider myself as a okay looking girl but I do have a serious problem that just makes my self-esteem really low. I never had a boyfriend. Guys just aren't interested in me (except as a sexual object or something when I'm wearing sexy outfits) They aren't even interested to be friend with me and that really does hurt me. I even tried online dating but it always turned out the guy was lying to me and they just found a better girl in real life. Plus dating someone you can't touch/see isn't really dating to me. This situation really does affect me. I'm crying myself every night because I feel like a monster or something. There must be something missing in me, really. I got to the point I probably need professional help. I'm depressed all the time. I know I shouldn't let this affect me and everything but when you never felt wanted or loved it's just super hard to live with. I feel like every other girl is better than me, even my 14 years old cousin has experienced more than me with guys than I did. I of course am a virgin and not that I wanted to lose it when I was 14 or something but it just hurt to know I'm still a virgin not because I chose to wait, but because no one ever wanted to make love to me. So my question is,what should I do to get some boys to look at me like more than just a one night stand, for them to see in me a stable relationship?
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cousin, depressed, never had a boyfriend, one night stand, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Edico +, writes (28 July 2010):
 I will admit that I am 22 and a virgin as well, not that i want to be but because I've never been given the chance. Feeling ashamed of myself as less of a man, crying till i eventually fell asleep; I was, and still very much still am, in the same situation as you.
With that said, building, not only confidence, but self-worth is very inportant. Spending your time depressed during high school, or even college, will not help you.
Now's the time!
I mean, if i had not spend 6 years of letting my depression spiral out of control, i might not have build such a emotional hole im in.
Find out who you are is much more important than wallowing away think about who you should be. Learning and accepting yourself will help future men learn to respect who you are.
I wish you the best of luck ^_^
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): Cerberus just said it all.
Here's an addendum to his: Don't care about dating or boyfriends. Shift your energy onto an education, a daily workout, being great at your job, being an honest and kind family member, do activities all the time that just YOU like, take some classes or get exposure to hobbies or skills that interestyou, keep your house clean, start a company, donate time to a school, vacuum out your car, do a good deed for a neighbor, mentor a high school student, donate blood, tutor elementary school kids, go hiking, you get the message.
After a sustained period of doing your own thing on a regular basis, your love for your life will overrule the notion you need to be attractive to a man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): Forget about guys for the moment, seriously and please don't take offence by this I'm just trying to be honest but only guys who want an easy lay will go for a girl that has such serious self esteem issues. Others will have to walk away because it's very hard, if not impossible to love someone that doesn't love themself.
You're looking for in men, what you can only give yourself and that empty, lonely and inadequate feeling you have is something you yourself must overcome. You're worth way more that you give yourself credit for and your low self worth is consuming you. No guy can fix that, you will find it very difficult to build a healthy stable relationship while you feel that way.
No offence to the other Aunts, but forget what they said, you should put dating completely aside until you can find happiness within yourself. Seriously dating should not at the top of your priorities at the moment. Building up your self esteem and creating a new confident you is what your goal should be, only then can you approach dating from a position of strength, a happy fulfilled and confident girl is a beauty few men can resist. It is also girls like this that the sleazes will stay away from because there's no easy lay with a girl who is sure of herself.
Good luck, you have what it takes to become the person you always thought you would be, just plan and find ways to make that so, remember if you don't like something about yourself change it, if you can't change it then learn to love it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): in my opinion you still have years before you have to be worried, the best way to meet people is by going out and socialising and then getting their numbers and contact details maybe organising something again with them and just trying to get to know eachother as well as possible, slowly you'll build a personal relationship. If you are reasonably looking/presented and a down to earth, reliable, nice person building a relationship should be no problem for you! Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Carina1993  +, writes (26 July 2010):
Maybe if you don't wear "sexy outfits" and look/dress in different styles different guys will go for you and these will be the right types of guy?!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): Well theres nothing wrong with being a virgin. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Just wait for the right time until somebody who actually cares about you comes, unless you have someone you like already. If you're the girl whos always laughing get a little bit serious in general, if you're constantly dead serious, then relax a bit. Don't be easly approachable but don't be annoying aswel.
Most important thing is though, don't be desperate for a boyfriend.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2010): DO NOT LOOK---let the guy look for you!!! Men love to chase...just make certain that when you finally do accept, that it is with the RIGHT GUY. Most men, regardless of age, are really only looking for sex when they first meet a woman. They aren't thinking about marriage, a relationship, love...none of that stuff....it just sort of happens as time goes on and they start developing deep feelings for the woman. You can't rush these kids of things. You maybe 25 when that "right guy" comes along, you may even be in your 30's...who knows...true love doesn't have a time limit or age limit or gender limit..IT JUST HAPPENS.
Right now, just focus on dating, and getting to know people without having sex with them or getting all emotionally tied to the person. Women have more to lose when they end up with a loser guy. TAKE YOUR TIME PLEASE.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 July 2010):
 For how long have you been looking for a serious relationship? These things can take time. Unless you want a quick hookup, you need to be patient and wait for the right guy. My guess is that at 18, you have barely started exploring the dating world. I didn't get my first boyfriend until I was 18, and my first serious relationship (where both are in love and it's long term) when I was 19. I never cried to myself about it. This, to me, is normal.
So no, there's nothing wrong with you. You are just young. And while it might seem that some 14 year olds have it all, don't fret. You have a lot in your life that they probably dream of and wish they had. Im also guessing that you are interested in guys your age, and a lot of these guys are acting as typical college guys. Or typical teenage guys for that matter. They are immature and don't know what love is about, inexperienced and think sex is something you do to be a man, not to show love.
Keep looking. Find that one guy that is sincere, and doesn't want just a one night stand. Or better yet: enjoy your life as it is, as a single young girl ready to explore the world. Don't put up any flaws with yourself, because there are none. You are perfectly NORMAL to have not had a boyfriend yet. If something is wrong with you then something was wrong with me as well... I prefer to think we're just fine.
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (26 July 2010):
 First of all I think it's great that you're still 18 and a virgin. Being a teenager you just aren't mentally ready to have sex with men. I wish I would have taken that advice when I was younger.
but on another note if you want to be in a relationship... take up a hobby. anything else other than man hunting because guys can always tell which girls just NEED to be with somebody. Men need a chase and most of the time younger girls don't get that. they think that if they avaliable all the time (sexually and mentally). when you meet a new guy you have to ignore him sometimes so that he can have something to work for.
and on yet another note... build yourself up. do things that make You feel good about yourself like getting you hair and nails done and just going out to have fun with friends. it doesn't always have to be about a man.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (26 July 2010):
 OK, there are two answers here, the short-term and long-term answers.
Short term, you need to reevaluate the sort of guys you go after. This will be difficult, as when we are attracted to people, it's very difficult to see their faults. Are the guys you go after looking for a quality girlfriend at all, or is it you specifically? Many of them may just be willing to pretend to care for any girl that puts out. Try a nerdier crowd of guys with a similar lack of experience. They won't be as attractive in attitude, experience, or appearance, but will be looking for the same thing as you.
Long term, depression and self-loathing are unattractive qualities. You will not be able to get the most out of relationships until you can be happy, secure, and conifdent as a single girl. You need to be able to say, "If this date doesn't work out, I'll just be single and happy with it." Your self-worth is *not* determined by who dates you, but by your own attitude toward yourself and others.
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