A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Posters Own Title:I've heard so often "I can't tell them I cheated on them b/c it would really hurt them." That seems so hypocritical to me. If this person was so concerned about "hurting" their partner, they probably wouldn't have cheated in the first place; correct? Does anyone else think this line is simply a rationalization b/c a person doesn't want to go through the "hard work" inherent in being honest with someone??? Just seems to me that by not being honest you're cheating yourself out of a truly intimate relationship by keeping secrets. Secrets = Zero Intimacy ... Am I wrong in thinking this way??? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Carina1993  +, writes (27 July 2010):
The other person has a RIGHT to know
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): The worst are the ones who do it for a kick. Like its a turn on. When the truth comes out they then blame the one they hurt by saying they were unloved,ignored etc. if so talk or leave the relationship first. They stay in the relationship only because the one who they so willingly give the sex to doesnt want them permanently or their kids whatsoever. They are happy to cheat until they get found out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): It's a cop out to cheat on someone. Going behind the other's back to participate in cheating is copping out. Everytime someone cheats, they intend on not telling their partner, at least for the duration of the cheating, on up until forever, or until their guilt forces them to confess the deed somewhere in between. Telling the person can also be a cop out, if the cheater says "they didn't want to cheat", or "they didn't enjoy it", because they did, or they wouldn't have done it. Lying is just as much of a cop out as not saying anything at all. The "copping out" part ends when the cheater decides to tell nothing but the truth, in full, admitting the obvious. Only then can both people begin to move on, whether together or apart.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): I totally agree with Ask Oldersister. she is 100% right.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (27 July 2010):
 You are correct. It's people who see the opportunity to avoid the consequences for taking advantage of someone's trust, and take it. A sign that their moral development stopped at age 12.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): The worst thing you could do to a person is not to cheat on them. It's doing it and not telling them. They'd be living a lie, perhaps the person whos closest to him/her is about to ruin his/her life. Even if you do lose control over yourself, though that's not an excuse, tell it. Taking your partner for a fool is just the worst, let them decide whats going to happen from now on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): They don't tell because, they don't want the person they cheated on to know. They don't want to "lose" the person, so they carry on this lie, day after day, after day having the person think everything is "ok." I have always said that people cheat for diff. reasons, so it's not always so cut and dry, but if someone is cheating because, they think something else is better "out there" and they have a loving and caring person at home waiting for them, then in that case, I would have a huge problem. Age, how the person was raised and the people they hang around can also influence whether or not a person cheats. I truly believe that you are some part of who you hang around...if a person hangs around people that think cheating is ok...then it's likely they will cheat too. I heard a guy say once that he thought it was "normal" for a guy to cheat, so he and other male friends would encourage people to cheat (CRAZY ISN'T IT?).
Not telling doesn't always inlcude the cheater not wanting to "hurt" the person, but rather to protect themselves.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (27 July 2010):
 you're not wrong at all. People who cheat and don't fess up to it are liars. Each day they are pretending to be in an honest relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Yes it's a total cop-out. It's a rationalization for letting themselves off the hook.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): I agree
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