A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been talking to this guy for about 2 and a half months. We have been really hitting it off. We both absolutely like each other and have soo much in common its like seeing myself in a mirror.he treats me like his girlfriend, he holds my hand, kissing me , we make out. he wont ask me out because he has commitment issues. he doesnt realise that being official is just a title and that regardless it wouldnt have an affect on us. i dont mind waiting a month or year or however long it takes for him to be willing to ask me to be his girlfriend. i used to have trust issues due to past experiences and he changed that in me . i want to help him with his commitment problems not by making him ask me out but i need ways to show him that all relationships dont fail and that i would never hurt him.my question is how can I show him that I'll be there for him regardless of anything and that he has nothing to fear.
View related questions:
kissing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (4 August 2010):
 Show him with your actions. When he reaches out for you, you be there. When he needs someone to lean on, you be there. Treat him with respect, love and affection. Make it so that he knows when he comes to see you he will always have a good, special time. Then, in three months, sit down and talk to him about it.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell its not really about the commitment words cuz it doesnt matter when he asks me. but its bout how i can act an what i can say tht will help him gain faith in relationships n whatnot
...............................
A
female
reader, MissTHANG +, writes (3 August 2010):
 My friend,I HAVE been in your shoes, and had those same arguments. And, like I said before, I COULD BE WRONG. It's just something to think about, because you sound like me when it comes to giving a person every benefit of the doubt that you can possibly give them.If he shows you love like you say, then you don't have an issue or a problem other than those "committment" words, right?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto Boombadaboom : i dont mind not having the title for a month or a year because in the end i kno he does care about me . but i do see ur point in the fact tht i probably cant change the commitment issues he has entirely but im quite sure its possible to not make it not as bad. and i absolutely like him alot and love the time we are having so no title is gunna affect me. to MissTHANG : if you were in my shoes and seen how he acts and what he does you wud understand tht hes not stringing me along or playing the field at all. ill be cautious but in the end im going to live my life to the fullest and enjoy myself and have no regrets.Ive come to the conclusion from combining all my questions. that girls seemed to have been burned in the past before and let their bad experiences with guys cloud what they say about any other guy. in every question the girls always seem to shoot him down to be a bad person . whereas the guys can give their input an say what they see it as in a male perspective.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto odds: i dont mind being with him the way things are now but its not good to have commitment issues . lets say hes not with me in a monht or a year .. if he always has such a wall up itll be hard for anyone to egt close to him. idk but i guess ur right about just going about things the way we have it and he will see for himself .:)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwont ask me to be his girlfriend
...............................
A
female
reader, MissTHANG +, writes (1 August 2010):
Dear "waiting"
I hate to say this but I don't think he has a "committment" issue. It sounds more like his has a "game playing" issue. And I'll tell you why.
Kissing, holding hands, and making out are things a guy and a girl can do if they're a couple - that's true. But they are also things they can do in a "friends with benefits" sort of way.
You say he treats you like his girlfriend, yet he won't "ask you out" because of a committment "issue"? Well, the last time I checked, a guy wasn't under an obligation to become a girls boyfriend just because they went on a date together.
It sounds like he already KNOWS you'll stick around no matter what - and he's relying on that to keep stringing you along. I could be wrong, of course, I admit - but that's how I see it from what you've said.
If I were you, I'd ask him exactly what his intentions are about your "friendship". and remember one thing - actions speak louder than words. Good luck with this dilemma..:)
...............................
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (1 August 2010):
Wait a second, you mean he won't ask you on a date, or he won't ask you to be his girlfriend?
...............................
A
male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (1 August 2010):
 Take it to the roots, I've deep problems too and the only way I see them fixed is either by a miracle or the actual reason of the problem changes. You can show him you'll be there as much you want but maybe that's not what's going to make the problem disappear. By the way you don't need to put labels on it. Having an official relationship won't be better than what you have now unless you only think that. The best relationships weren't always official or anything, they were just what they were. Don't give words to it, just spend your time in bliss and give a whole new meaning to what you're doing. You can always be sneaky and trick him into a date without him even knowing until you're halfway into it ;) like a picnic or just go out for lunch and spend the afternoon together doing cool stuff. If you do want to give hard proof of anything, befriend maybe the best couples you know and eventually he'll get convinced by hanging around them too. I know that you easily become the kinda person similar to the people you surround yourself with. Maybe the same goes with couples. He might get more comfortable if he gets surrounded with good couples. But I tell you... Changing the roots or having a miracle will be the strongest influences. I wish you good luck! x
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (1 August 2010):
 Flip your own argument around - if "being official" is just a title and wouldn't affect you, why do *you* care?
If he's acting committed, treating you right, and not sleeping around, there's no reason to worry. Saying it would just be awkward.
Besides, if he's your age (16-17), then committment is actually a pretty scary concept. You've done everything he could ask for by making yourself available and being with him. His views on relationships will have to change on their own. The more you push for him to hold a certain opinion, the more he will believe you have some nefarious vested interest in it.
If you treat a happy, healthy relationship as normal, as something to be taken for granted, he will see it that way too. If you push him to see it, and push him to acknowledge it, he will think you're hiding something. Just do everything right and nothing needs to be said.
...............................
|
