A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi aunts and uncles,I have a problem, something thats caused lots of arguments and some ill feelings about the topic, he thinks im being unreasonable, so iv come here to get a second opinion.My bf will not move out with me, i want to move out of my own house as my mother is too overbearing now, she knows it and dosent care, she treats me like an imbasil and a child still, she will chaperone me and my bf or go out of her way to babysit us its not very nice for my bf when we go out in my town for a walk down the park and she turns up a few minutes after us, keeping her distance, but still keeping watch, im 22, 23 in september! I blame her for my lack of confidence and will to do anything out of my comfort zone. Anyway, iv found a few good places for me and my bf to move out to. They are all around the 550 per month area, not including bills, just base rent, which isnt bad in my opinion. I pushed my bf to make a viewing for it, he reluctantly said yes, after protesting about it being too much for him to afford (i want him to be able to afford it on his own if something did happen). I think its because he dosent want to leave his parents house where he gets treated with a silver spoon by his mum there (i would let her adopt me if i could). Anyway his reasoning is that he only earns 13,200 a year, thats 919 a month after tax.He pays 165 a month for car finance, 70 for car insurance, 50 for phones, 400 on petrol for seeing me and commuting, he also has 30 a month credit card bills, both of them have 180 to pay off on them with a 5.9% a month interest on them. This part worries me, the rest of his money is gone at the end of the month, i dont understand why, it makes me feel like he cant manage his money well and i think a house/flat to pay for would shape him up.He comes up with all kinds of excuses for not having the money, like he needed to replace his tyres on his car, or brake disks, brake pads, tax, mot, extra petrol for extra journeys. He says its the norm, he does atleast 50 miles a day commuting, then theres his social life, its small but still there.Not only that when i ask him why he wont move in other than money he says we havent been able to go on holiday together yet, and we havent done this and that and reached time milestones etc he says i havent got job security either. Iv got 2 warnings, the company wants me out the atmosphere towards me is nasty and unforgiving, they reduced my salary to uk minimum wage (i also have similar outgoings to him, less car insurance, no credit card bills and i have a shorter work journey)I truely beleive he can run a rented flat on his own if he got his act together, it would be tough but i could help him out...i dont understand why he wont give me a time frame for it either, he says he has a hard time saving money because when he does get some, the car brakes. is it me thats causing this and can my bf do it?
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confidence, money, on holiday Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Anadin +, writes (29 July 2010):
 Hi there Fem Anon
It seems you are in the wrong for pushing him, and have you actually considered the cost of living these days?
you havent taken into account food bills, electricity, gas and council tax, your boyfreind is right in the fact that he cannot afford to move out.
he says he wants to go on holiday with you and meet time milestones? what does he mean by time milestones, like being together for 2 years?
he has a car to run and maintain, i assume you have one too? there is also the fact that you dont have job security, he is absolutely right in that you cannot depend on your income aswell, and because of that you want him to bear the brunt of costs? not fair!
have you asked him if he would move out if he thought it was affordable to? what about furnishings aswell?
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 I'm fairly sure he would be uncomfortable with you revealing financial information over the internet. He's also probably uncomfortable with moving in with you, and rightly so. Live-in girlfriends tend to cause more drama than ones who live at other houses.
Let him do his own thing, and if that thing isn't good enough for you, find a new boyfriend.
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