A
female
age
36-40,
*utterflykb
writes:Hello,I am 25 and have been married for 3 years. It has been difficult at times, but we love eacho ther very much. We have good jobs and are good people, but due to some silly mistakes, and the recession affecting work, times are tough.For my husbands job, we have moved around the country 3 times in 3 years.I am desperate to settle down. All I long for is a big family. I wanna buy a house and have children with my husband. I always imagined I would have had a family by 24. I'm scared it wont happen. I get angry, and take it out on him. I get angry because we are good people. always worked, pay astronomical taxes,no debt. We are just young people living like society requires and wants to bring up a family the right way. It makes me angry that its so unfair. that we live right yet get no help, whATs the point of living right? i could of had a house and a family 8 years ago on the benefit system. I feel cheated. my pride and good upbringing prevented me from taking that route. but its not fair, and would of been a whole lot easier.Secondly i get angry at my husband, I shouldn't. I know i shouldn't. he works so hard. but I wish he was a lawyer or a CEO or a footballer! something that brought in more money so we can take our next step in life and start a family. Its so selfish of me. I know. but I cant explain the urge, actually its a need. I find myself looking at buggies and baby clothes. I have name books that I read. Its hard to explain, but its like my body telling me to have a baby. its always on my mind. But I know its not the right time. It wouldnt be fair as we dont have enough money and work too many hours. How can I loose the anger and will it ever be the right time? how will i know?
View related questions:
debt, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (29 July 2010):
 The urge you feel for your husband to be better is called "hypergamy" and you can google it for a full explanation. Basically, it means women are never satisfied unless they have the best possible man - biologically, anyway. Love is its own thing, but sexually you would be most drawn to guys who are more successful than your current man.
Still, at 25, if you are married to a sports star or a CEO, you are a trophy wife. Give the guy some time. As for family, you are still at your peak fertility and will be until 27. Frustration is normal, but you should take some time every night before you go to bed to reflect on the wonderful things you DO have. The love of your man, many long years ahead of you, your health, your God, whatever. Good things will come in time if you support your man, not if you nag him.
A
female
reader, butterflykb +, writes (24 July 2010):
butterflykb is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys, Reading what i wrote back, I felt I sounded so spooky. I guess the pressure to "do well" just gets on top of me sometimes. It's good to know I'm not the only one feeling it. I'm lucky that I found my hubby. Gotta focus on what I've got xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 This will not be of much comfort to you, but when you guys feel particuloarly bitter for not being able to own a house and raise a big family by the age of 25... just come and visit me in Italy.
Don't get me wrong- you'd love Italy, if you are into art ,history, the sea, gourmet food, fashion and many other things. Only, too bad that nobody can't even think of getting married before 30 at least. The average age of first chilbirth is 31 and goes up and up every year. 33 percent of youth under 25 are unemployed, and about half of under 35 college graduates are working for free or with yearly , not- necessarily- renewable contracts.
I know I know,mine is a stupid comment, because of course there is always somebody in a worse position than ours, and that does not make our own any better,- but perhaps you'll understand why ,as a mother of a 20 year college student who is looking forward to the pleasure of housing and supporting him financially for the next 10 years at least - I don't necessarily see being childless at 25 like something really bad.
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (23 July 2010):
 I am older than you (27), and I know how you feel. But I dont have a loving husband or partner either.
I know it makes me angry as hell when teenage girls get pregnant, and get given thousands in benefits, houses and day trips out, when I work my backside off to pay for it. But that is how life works. You need to accept that.
Be greatful for what you have now - you are still only very very young, and have plenty of time to have a family. You are already in a nice stable relationship. It could be years before I am lucky enough to be in your position, married and able to afford children. Not everyone is lucky enough to find the man that wants to marry them so early on.
Be careful - what do you want more, a husband or children? Because if all you think about is the kids, and forget about him, you might find you end up on your own before you get the chance to have children.
Sometimes life makes us wait for things. Have a bit of patience.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): It's sooo frustrating when that happens, but you both sound like hard working people and people who wish to do well. And, as you both love each other very much, you do sound like you are both committed to starting a family together and settling down.
But in today's soceity, it can be difficult to that. You will find the right time, when both of you have settled down etc. You're still young; enjoy it while you can! Trust me, when the time comes you'll know. Everything will work out just fine; all you can do for the moment is chill out and wait.
Good luck! xx
...............................
|
