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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been married for 6 years to a man who cant control his anger and often times takes it out on me. I dont know what to do. Im so tired of his little temper tantrums, slamming things around, and trying to make me feel guilty for everything! He is starting to be like my father-in-law, his dad. I am dealing with this almost on a daily bases and am sick of it. I've tried so many things to make things better, but I know the problem isnt me, I know he's the one with the issues. I've asked him to go to anger management classes and/or marriage counseling, but he refuses to go. Im at my wits end. Im religous and I truly believe the vows for better or worse. Can you please give me advice on how to cope with this a.s.a.p.? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, robinlovescena +, writes (7 May 2006):
 Try to talk to him about it. Does he ever hurt you physically hurt you? if he does, i wouldnt be with you. I amalso religious, and i beleive in the lines--- to love and to cherish--- and if he is not going to love and cherish him, you should not keep on loving and cherishing him
good luck
Robin
aka advice gurl
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2006): His refusal to get help doesnt mean he has any right to take it out on you. If he loved you he wouldnt want to hurt you. Give him an ultimatum of therapy or divorce.
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female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (6 May 2006):
 get out of that marriage now
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (6 May 2006):
 I have worked with many women affected by domestic violence professionally, and your man is a perpetrator of domestic violence because it includes verbal abuse as much as physical abuse. If he refuses to change (and he would need professional help) then you must take yourself away from the situation. By staying you are endorsing his behaviour and making it seem a normal and acceptable part of married life - even though it is clear you don't see it this way really. You may have traditional views on marriage and that is perfectly fine; but for better or for worse doesn't include abuse...remember 'love thy neighbour'...I am sure that starts with being nice to your wife! Clearly he has some learned behaviour issues going on, since you say his father is a similar person - he has grown up in a household where his father has acted badly and maybe got away with it? Your husband needs to unlearn his aggressive behaviour through specialist counselling, but if he is unwilling to change then you have to take a stand against his outbursts - it could be the biggest wake up call you could ever give him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2006): i have been in a similar situation for the last 10 years,i have now found the courage to get out,however i understand what you are saying about wanting to stay.the thing is i also agree that this man will take your confidence,self esteem and strength in the long run,you can do everything to try and make things BETTER but if he refuses to get help with HIS problem do you really think you can make a difference.be strong with him give him a choice and stick with it,he gets help for you both,or you will go.I had to in the end,its not easy.Good luck i hope this helps
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2006): get out girl...marriage or not. who does he think he is?if he wont get help its his problem...not yours.it will get worse until you have no self respect or self esteem left, then you wont have the strength to leave.. i do know i saw my mum married to an arrogant self centered ,bad tempered man ( my dad ) for forty years.... in the end he ground her down so much she took to drinking... i dont have a mum anymore... shes dead...
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