A
female
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anonymous
writes:Been seeing my boyfrind for about 5 weeks now, he has now began to try and iniciate sex with me. i turned him down and asked him to stop. but5 now when i speak with him on the phone he is realy on bout sex all the time! He even rang me and made me watch a porno on tv and kept saying that is "us " on tv, that is what we can do! and stuff like that.I am 20, and still a virgin, but he thinks i'm not! he defo isn't a virgin and i am scared to have sex!Not the art of sex but rly scared of getting pregnant!I realy like him, but this fear haunts me.he has no idea i am a virgin, scared to have sex with him because he will definately know im am! i think? what do you think i should do?PLEASE HELP.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): ok. if you really want to please him, but arent sure about losing your virinity or are scared of getting pregnant you could also give him oral. there are plenty of ways of having sex without neccessarly having intoucourse. you could look up those ways on the internet. you could try birth control pills. they are highly affective for not getting pregnant. if your so concerned about him knowing that your a virgin, let him know. he'll know how to be gentle with you so that it wont be painful. or just tell him that you havent had sex in a while and that your not sure that youre ready for him yet. he wont laugh about it, if thats what your worrid about. but everyone here is right, if your simply not interested in any kind of sex you dont need to do it. jus let him know how you feel and be honest with him about the whole deal, but dont give him the idea that you maybe interested in any kind of sex act if you're not, this will only keep him anticipating for sex. you could try to keep his focus on other things so that he wont be so bothersome about it. if you're really scared and feel that he's just putting too much pressure on you about having sex then you should leave him before he might try to actually force you to have sex. i know it could be scary at first. i think everybody goes thru this when theyre a virgin and hadnt any kind of sex yet. its normal. there is no need to be so uptight about it unless, your plans are to keep your virginity till marriage. you need to get rid of the fear of getting pregnant. if you really want to have sex, dont let fear of having sex and getting pregnant get in the way. there is birth control like condums, pills, etc.. i hope this helps.
A
female
reader, soletshearit +, writes (8 May 2006):
 Listen honey if you aren't ready then do not let yourself feel you have to do it. Tell him that you are not ready and if he has any respect for you he will wait. You don't even ha ve to tell him that you are still a virgin if you dont want to.
Explain to him that you are not ready, tell him its not that you don't want to have sex with him and explain your concerns. If it is just pregnancy that you are worried about go to your nearest Family Planning Clinic, or Women's Centre or GP and ask for advise..there are so many different tools for contraception now that you can use along with a condom.
If he still pushes at you having expressed your concerns then you need to tell him that its not gonna happen until you are ready...if he cares for you and has any respect for ytou then he will wait.
BEST OF LUCK X
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (8 May 2006):
 Don't let him pressure you into sex if you are not ready. But I think that you should tell him your a virgin, he probably is thinking that you aren't and is making these suggestions because he doesn't know.
Tell him, if he is a decent guy he will understand and back off and give you time to work out what you want and when you are ready for sex.
If he doesn't understand and still pressures you - he is an idiot and not worth the time of day.
You are still young and you have waited no doubt for someone special to come along who you really trust and feel secure with before you lose your virginity, which is great to hear.
Don't throw it away in a situation where you feel stressed or scared.
Decent guys don't pressure their girlfriends into losing their virginity.
In terms of pregnancy - yes, that is a legitimate fear. You sound like a mature and sensible girl.
When you are ready to have sex with this guy or whatever guy you feel comfortable enough with in the future, make sure that you have protection.
Having sex is a pregnancy risk but you can minimise it very effectively though methods such as the pill, condoms and other forms of birth control.
When you are ready to have sex, I would suggest having a chat with your GP. He/she will be able to help you in terms of giving you information on different types of birth control and what is best for you.
In the meantime, take care and don't feel pressured into anything.
You sound like a smart girl who has self respect and maturity and don't let yourself be talked into anything you are not ready for.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 May 2006):
 Don't feel pressured into having sex with him. Of course there are lots of contraception options to prevent pregnancy and your local family planning clinic can help you decide what is best for you. However, you have only known this man a few weeks, it doesn't sound like you are having a great relationship if he is pressuring you into bed and you cannot communicate to him about being scared about sex (which is a sign about the quality of your relationship). You should make it VERY clear you are not ready to have sex with him right now - if he loses interest in you afterwards then don't worry as he wasn't worth it! If he sticks around, he is a gent, and when you do eventually feel like doing the deed then it won't be so terrifying.
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A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (8 May 2006):
 NO WOMAN should be pushed into SEX ever, no matter what age, no matter if she is a virgin or not. If you don't want to have sex with this person, then good for you. He is showing a lack of love and respect. If he really loved you he would never try these ambush tactics. Sex with this guy will not be even slightly satisfying after all this. It doesn't matter that you're a virgin, any man that pushes a woman into having sex, doesn't make love, it is just down right dirty, misleading, using and abusing sex. It will leave you feeling like a empty shell, and a score on his bedpost, whether or not you're a virgin.
Just a thought to digest, there is a High chance that he already knows you're a virgin just by the way you act about sex, and that might be one reason why he is pushing so hard. There is major bragging for guys when it comes to bagging a virgin.
My advice is don't waste your first time on this guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2006): Well even though your terrified of getting pregnant, there are a wide range of methods of contraception out there. The contraceptive pill is 99% effective when taken properly and so is the injection, which you have every 3 months. It is very rare that women get pregnant if they are using a good method of contraception.It sounds like your boyfriend has a very high sex drive, but he should NOT be trying to push you into this so soon, you have only been going out 5 weeks!Tell him your concerns and fears, and tell him you want time. If he will not accept that and keeps pushing you, ditch him hun, guys like that are not worth it.Take care
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