A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I hope you can give me some advice for my problem. About 2 years ago, I fell in with a bad crowd and began to do drugs alot. At the time I had a really nice boyfriend but we split up cos of the way I was changing.I didnt care that we split up cos I had a whole new set of friends and I thought they were really exciting people who I went out with all the time. I dropped all my good friends to hang around with them and hardly never spoke to them again, even though we all grew up in school together.Anyway, about a month ago I fell out with my new friends quite badly. It was over something stupid and although we have made up, they dont seem to want to know me anymore. They never ring me or ask me to go out with them all the time like they used to. Ive tried talking to them but they always make out that im being paranoid. Now im left with nobobdy. All my old good friends have moved on and my exboyfriend has moved away. Im so upset that ive just been 'dropped', even though I know they dont sound like a group of good friends, they were so fun to be with and we did so much together.I also think that i have developed a drug problem as when I go out at night I would prefer to take drugs rather than drink. My parents are glad that I dont hang around with them anymore but im gutted.All I can do now is just stay in and concentrate on my work but I would rather be out having fun with them.What can I do? I will be glad if you can offer any advice. Thanks for reading my problem.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (1 May 2006):
 As a so-called expert in drugs misuse, I tend to agree with your parents that it is probably for the best that you have escaped from your friends with similar habits. I have seen so many young people screwed up through what started out as a bit of weed before a night out clubbing. I think the drugs issue is different to the friends problem. Firstly, if you think you have a drugs problem you can either chose to kick it yourself, or get some professional help - by not being around your mates then surely there is less need to take drugs. Secondly, you should learn about friendship - loads of people forget their old friends when a new partner or new friends come along but it doesnt always work out in your favour. Everyone thinks 'new people' are great and exciting (I am as guilty as the next) but they are probably 'really exciting' because they are stoned and you are stoned. Unfortunately drugs and alcohol mess up the best of friendships too because some drugs will make you really paranoid, depressed, aggressive and drugs act as a crutch - people take drugs/ alcohol to make themselves more relaxed, make themselves do more, and make themselves more sociable. You forget how to be sociable or have a good time without drugs.
As for your old good friends, well maybe in time they will come around if they see you are reformed and sorry. But just as you feel ditched at the moment, that is probably how they felt and they were your second choice to your new friends. Best to learn from this really to not neglect your old friends and family for the sake of new people in the future. Try to work out what you really liked about your new friends, minus the drugs, and try to seek out non-drug people just like that. It might take a while to get your social life back on track, but you sound like you need this time to detox your liver from the drugs, and try to sort yourself out.
A
male
reader, Frontline Soldier +, writes (1 May 2006):
Hey, I too have been down a very similar path.. I have lost, found and refound many friends..but ultimately its the ones i went to school with that pulled through in the end.. Even if they arent the funnest of people.If you feel your new friends are neglecting you, Talk to them about it again.. and organise something for you all to do, where you wont feel the need to get high.. If they are too busy for you, just forget them...hard but very possible. I found that when i went out with money, i craved a fun time..and often this just ended up in doing things im not proud of.. I am a 20 y-o male, now living my life to the full preparing to join the Army at the end of July.Your life can be turned around, Your old friends can forgive you.. Its up too you to make the effort to help yourself...I am sorry for this reply, its rather bleak and pathetic...Wish you the best.
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A
male
reader, jimmy2 +, writes (1 May 2006):
 Hi,You fell into the same trap as I did when I'd left school, the need to go out and have some fun, the need to go a bit wild. I fully understand what you are going through. When now at 34, I look back, I realise that I'd wasted 10 years of my life taking this path and if I could go back, I would be the one who left them behind.Whilst every young adult needs some kind of rewarding social life, there are much, much better ways to achieve this than to go down the road of mindless drinking and drug taking. Why not take up a sport, do a bit of work for a charity or engage your interests in a more rewarding way?The fact that these 'friends' don't rally want to know you as much any more, I would count this as a blessing in disguise because it has given you a chance to get away from this lifestyle, which, I promise you, will only end in tears.I'm sure that if you view life with a more positive outlook, in no time you will find better friends, maybe even make things up with some of your older, better ones, and get a loving, caring boyfriend, who you will share many happy times with. This will improve your strength and confidence as a person.
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