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male
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*amsmith
writes: I have told my girlfriend that I didn’t sleep with this girl on holiday. It was before we started seeing each other. This type of thing has come up before and she has already told me that she would finish with me if I told her that I haven’t slept with someone in my past when I had done. I really don’t know what to do. I can’t face loosing her. It would kill me. I should have been honest from the start and it wouldn’t have even been a big deal but now it has become one. I am feeling really guilty about it as I want an honest relationship and I don’t want to lie to her. Should I just not tell her for the sake of the relationship? I have never cheated on her and it is something in my past. Can a relationship work with something like this in the background?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (1 May 2006):
 I think you need to stop worrying about this. It is your past and we all have one of those. Just let it go. If she asks about your past you don't have to be graphic telling her the whole who what when and were senario....just tell her the bare minimum.
Dont beat yourself up anymore, let it go now...move on.
xxx
A
male
reader, Frontline Soldier +, writes (1 May 2006):
Mate, Your right...you should of been honest from the start..But you werent, So now what you ask?What can you do.If i was you, and i felt the way you currently do, I would explain to her about what happened, How you feel..and how you have regretted not informing her about it before now.... You had a life before her...she has to understand that you wanted to tell her, but figured it was for the best at the time to not. Youve got yourself into a tough corner, your either going to have to push this into a dark corner and forget it, which would be a coward' like thing to do.. Or come forward and face the demons you created.Best of luck mate.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (1 May 2006):
 Although honesty is the best policy most times, you haven't technically cheated on her since this was prior to your current relationship. If you tell her you lied about the holiday fling, she may wonder what else you have lied about...you are in a no-win situation really - tell her and face the consequences or don't tell her and feel guilty. I probably wouldn't say anything in your situation and learn not to tell any more non-truths to her as they do have a habit of coming up and biting you afterwards. However, I would say that she has a right to know about previous sexual partners (number of girls rather than the girls names in particular) if you are sexually active with her.
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female
reader, Heathergirl +, writes (1 May 2006):
Why is this even a issue? What happened in the past should stay in the past. Is it her sister? Your girl seems to have a problem with her confidence. Assure her that she has nothing to worry about, it her your with and her you want to be with. But tell her you think its best for both of you to leave your past dalliances out of your relationship. It will only cause problems. She too will have a past but thats not got anything to do with you either. Dont lie to her, thats a big no no...
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A
female
reader, Heathergirl +, writes (1 May 2006):
Why is this even a issue? What happened in the past should stay in the past. Is it her sister? Your girl seems to have a problem with her confidence. Assure her that she has nothing to worry about, it her your with and her you want to be with. But tell her you think its best for both of you to leave your past dalliances out of your relationship. It will only cause problems. She too will have a past but thats not got anything to do with you either. Dont lie to her, thats a big no no...
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2006): It sounds to me like it would cause far more problems by telling her the truth.You were wrong about lying about it, but then again whether or not you slept with this girl before getting in a relationship shouldn't make or break your relationship now.You know your girlfriend the best - how do you think she'll react if you tell her? If it happened before you met then she shouldn't get too upset. If she does, it shows that she has her own issues about it that she should sort out.I don't think you should feel bad if you decide not to tell her. It sounds to me that it would be for the best if you don't. Like you say, it happened before you were going out and you have never been unfaithful to her.I reckon she might be a bit insecure for this to be bothering her so much. Would it *really* bother you if you knew she had slept with one more person before she met you?And to answer your last queastion. Yes. There is no reason a relationship won't work just because you have this little issue to sort out yourself. You have to remember that you haven't cheated on her, you've not been unfaithful, you've just haven't been 100% truthful about 1 particular person in your past. And it seems for good reason judging on her reaction so far. Good luck mate, I hope it works out ok for you, let us know how you get on with a follow up if you can.
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female
reader, lani +, writes (1 May 2006):
hi stop getting ur self tied up in knots u where not with her when u slept with this other girl if your girl will in some way cross paths with the other girl then by all means tell her but on the other hand if not then dont its none of her buisness who you where with b4 her uv been faithful just keep telling ur self that concentrate on ur relationship make her feel loved+secure.
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female
reader, Salsa +, writes (1 May 2006):
 Ok!! this is a hard one!! tell little miss stubern the truth and if she leaves so what!!Because it means she is just jealous and doesnt respect you!! if she is a faithfull loving understanding girlfriend she will believe you!!! xxx
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male
reader, jimmy2 +, writes (1 May 2006):
 Hiin my experience, talking about past experiences of this kind is, I feel, not particularly healthy for relationships as it makes the partner on the receiving end of this information feel as though he or she is being compared with this past experience/relationship/fling.This girl you slept with on holiday was before you had even met your current girlfriend, so it's hardly cheating. She is never likely to just turn out out of the blue one day to say hi, it was nothing more than a bit of holiday romance. Your girlfriend sais this because she clearly feels threatened by the thought of EX's contacting you, so you are best off forgetting about it and concentrating on what you have and want with her in the future. Never look back, it's what killed my relationship.
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female
reader, Ana183 +, writes (1 May 2006):
 A relationship can work with something like this in it, but only if you and your girlfriend let it. I suggest that you sit your girlfriend down and tell her. But you have got to know that she will be very upset, and maybe angry at you. This may cause her to have insecurities about you, as she will have discovered that you have lied to her, and some people may think, "Once a liar, always a liar." Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling you a liar, as I will respect you if you do tell her, but some people do think that way.If you don't tell her now, she deffinatly will find out one day, no matter how long away it is, and she will prefer you to tell her, rather than her find out one day, because the problem is, when someone tells a lie about ANYTHING, people always find out the truth.You have got to remember that she has a right to know this, as she is now your girlfriend, and you have lied to her. Tell her now before she finds out, and before its too late!Good luck, and keep us updated!xANAx
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (1 May 2006):
 Samsmith this is a tough one, but I admire you because you genuinely want to do right. You havent actually cheated on your girlfriends so I am a bit miffed as to why she would finish with you because of something that happened in the past. The things is, if you dont tell her and later on it somehow comes out, she will lose it and then finish with you or if you do tell her, as you said she will finish with you anyway. Remember that song, "Should I stay or should I go?" Well he says if I stay there will be trouble, if I go there will be double (trouble) so the logical explanation would be to stay, because staying will cause trouble, but leaving will cause double the amount of trouble, right? Now thats a trivial, maybe unrealistic suggestion, but what I simply mean is, if you tell her she will not be happy, if you dont you wont be happy and will feel that you are lying to her, so I think what you should do is tell her, but make it clear, you were not dating at the time, so you were not cheating, and you want to be honest from he get-go, I think she will admire your honesty. Good luck. xXx
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