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female
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anonymous
writes: Iv been with my boyfriend for 8months,we'r both in our mid-late 20's so age not an issue, and we often end up having unprotected sex. The first time it happened I was quiet drunk but told him the next morning that we had to use condoms from now on, i am on the pill but too many people get pregnant no matter how safe they are. He has made no secret about the fact he loves kids, his has more pictures of his nephew than anyone else and is always spending time with him. We'v never talked about kids as its a bit early and i always assumed id be married and secure financially before kids came although if i fell pregnant today i wouldnt be that upset. we'v started "forgetting" condoms again, drunk and sober and im wondering if we'v subconsciously decided to let faith take over?
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (1 May 2006):
 A lot of people do this sweetie. Making the decision to have a child is an absolutely huge one and not one that a lot of individuals find easy to plan for. Forgetting like this can often take the planning stage out of your hands, *nature* beats the decision makers to it if you like! So yes it is possible you are dicing with *danger*. I know it may seem a little premature but stock up on folic acid now and give the baby that is bound to come along at some point a fighting fit headstart. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
xxx
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (1 May 2006):
 It is possible to get pregnant subconsciously...it is called a pseudo or psychological pregnancy (very rare) and it is about yearning to be pregnant and tricking the body into thinking it is pregnant when it is not. Anyway, to answer your question...lots of people have babies by 'accident' but it is nicer to plan ahead, and you really should talk about this with your partner. This is not only a financial consideration but an emotional one as parenting is the biggest commitment ever. Don't have a baby for your partner, have a baby because you want one and you have the right housing/ career/ financial situation to care for the child. You also need to know that babies are not all cute and cuddly stuff; perhaps you need to borrow some friends/ family babies and look after them for a weekend so you and your partner have some insight into what is involved...nuclear nappies, sleepless nights...oh the list goes on!
If you think you want a baby, then maybe you should look into ovulation kits so you can figure out the best time to try for a child. You also need to take folic acid, watch your diet, smoking, alcohol habits (as applicable).
If this is just a question of not being able to sort out birth control in the heat of the moment, then go and see a family planning doctor who can prescribe whatever method is best for you. Personally I am not a big fan of the contraceptive pill but that is just one choice. At your age you maybe emotionally and physically right for pregnancy but only you and your partner can decide really. On the other hand, there are lots of ladies like me in their mid-30s and upwards in a full scale panic about starting a family with infertility issues etc. So maybe it is a good time for the patter of tiny feet???
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A
female
reader, orkney girl +, writes (27 April 2006):
whats this 'we' thing. you're incontrol of your birth control not both of you! Chances are you are aware of how much he likes and wants kids and maybe you're aware this would be a way to 'keep' him or make him happy? You need to address why you're thinking of getting accidentally pregnant rather than discussing it like most couples would. if it's what you both want then in this day and age marrage and all that gubbins isn't important, a commitment to the child is. If YOU aren't ready for that then for gods sake use a femmidom if he's not using condoms and keep taking your pills till you are! you might make him happy but what about you? Best of luck
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A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (27 April 2006):
 not a chance i have never heard of anyone getting pregnant subconsciiously. basically to get pregnant you need to have sex with a man that is how you will get pregnant. Remeber natures way is the only way.
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A
female
reader, Dearpaula +, writes (27 April 2006):
 Hi thereI was in exactly the same situation as you once. My boyfriend and I were being a bit irresponsible, not taking precautions. However we loved each other alot, and subconsciously wanted a baby. We did have a baby and got married and everything was good, even though we were not really financially ready or emotionally ready. My advice is talk about it some more. Its better to be prepared. My second baby was planned and we were able to give her much more.
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