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female
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*itkat11
writes: i just wanted to see what you thought of my situation....i am 36 and 6 months.i have never been married or have children.i met a nice guy a month ago who is 39 and never been married or has any children either.sadly ,there was an accident and i found out that i am now pregnant.he doestnt want me to keep it as it is too early on our relationship and we dont really know each other enough and i dont want to keep it as it as the timing is wrong.i havnt even introduced him to any of my friends of family yet!i was quite upset about this as i do want a baby but when it is right and with the right person....we might split up in 2 months and i dont want him to feel obligated to me because of the baby...we have discussed it and feel that if we are still happy and together in 8-10 months then we will try to concieve.the whole thing is so bizare as he has never got anyone pregnant before and he had 2 long term relationships-6 and 7 years..and i have never been pregnant before.what are your views?.i have put the plans in motion to terminate as i only concieved about 2 1/2 weeks ago but my doctor is against it and and asked me to consider my age....its so hard !!!i do want a family but not so new into a relationship !!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2006): if this doctor says no then remember you can go to see as many doctors as you like. ask for a second opinion if this is what you really want
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2006): I wouldnt give up that blessing that has been bestowed on you. I have a friend who decided it wasnt worth keeping a baby because her boyfriend didnt want it. She almost died having an abortion and now if she ever finds Mr. Right they will never have a child of their own because of the complications she is only 27. If you dont want this baby then consider adoption. There are many of us out there that want nothing more than to give a home to a sweet child. To encourage and love unconditionally as our parents did for us... Believe me there is a plan for this child dont end it just because you dont think the time is right God knows why that child is developing right now with you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): dont abort! you'll regret it. i know thats it too early in the relationship and all but thats one of your children not just an embryo or fetus as they call it. he needs to face it also. you both did the act and now you both have to deal with it. its a baby for crying out loud, not just a little piece of meat that you could just shred and throw away in the carbage. thats what they do when they do the procedure of an abortion! this little baby already has a heartbeat! i think that it was meant to be to have a baby. your doctor is right. having an abortion can create some complications and not allow you to have anymore children. you also need to consider your age. its not easy at all for someone of your age to concieve. this is a miracle. its sad to grow old and not have someone (a family member like your son/daughter) to be there to take care of you. having a baby is a blessing from god and its the most wonderful thing that could ever happen to you. dont make him force you to have an abortion. if he doesnt want anything to do with the baby just leave him and let him be. trust me you'll be happy that you decided to keep the baby. you'll find you someone later and be happily married. its not the end of the world. please dont abort the baby. its unhealthy mentally and physicilly, to have an abortion. the descision in doing that will haunt you for the rest of your life.
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female
reader, wishes +, writes (8 May 2006):
 Some things are just meant to be!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2006): You want to terminate now but would consider having a baby in 8-10 months?
I think you should look in to the potential emotional consequences of having a termination, your doctors views and the other excellent advice on here and think hard about it.
Also - an abortion isn't without risk. What happens if there are complications and you are left unable to fall pregnant?
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (8 May 2006):
 Accidents happen. At 36 your fertility is declining and you need to think about how you will feel if you cannot have another baby after the abortion (it does happen that way sometimes). The doctor is right to point out your age, but they cannot stand in judgement. You need to make a proper decision quickly but try to think about what you want, and not your new partner. Don't be pressured into the abortion as the relationship with him may fail anyway for other reasons, perhaps another chance to have a baby won't come along and who knows what is going to happen in the future...if you abort, and then your relationship fails then you may feel very disappointed about the whole situation. If you keep the baby, and the relationship fails then you have a child at least. If you have the baby, and your new partner sticks around you might develop into a family. I understand that your relationship with the man is new, but I also think it is worth considering that if it was mean't to work out then the pregnancy should be seen as an unexpected twist with both of you learning to cope and not an automatic reason to abort.
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female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (7 May 2006):
 I would seriously think about everything right now and not just opt quickly for a termination as at 36 you don't always get as many options.
Have you considered the fact that by having a termination at your age if there was any problems and you were left with the fact that you could never have a child ever again you would be happy with that.
I realise that timing is not great but this man is also not a child and sometimes things happen for a reason. Not everybody gets a pregnancy at the spot on time and we all cope extremely well. What really is the difference between now and 8 - 10 months time, not a great deal and your body would have to go through a tremendous turmoil.
I have never had an abortion/termination but my sister has and it still lives with her to this day as the feeling of emptiness afterwards was horrific. She has since gone on to have twin girls and then another girl but she never forgets the one she terminated. I think a lot of women feel the same.
If you were 18/19 I would be saying different things to you but you an adult woman who is not a child.
What happens if you terminate and then in 8 - 10 months time this guy is no longer in your life as he has bolted after you get rid of this child. There are no guarantees in life and whilst it was not an intentionally thing on either side, it has happened. I think your doctor is trying to safeguard you and is considering the fact that when we head towards 40 we all have to stop and think and having a termination at this age is much more risky.
If you were a woman who already had several children and didn't want any more then that is different but your not and you do want children so even if you don't have a man in your life you could do this. Lots of women do and they never regret the fact that they kept their babies.
Just don't rush your decision right now, there is time for you terminate so talk to your friends and family and see what they think as it is a big decision to make and if you have support around you it may make you feel differently.
Just try and relax and talk things through more thoroughly with those closest to you.
There are aunts on this site who have been in your situation and I am sure there will be conflicting advice but just take it slowly that's all I am saying.
I had my daughter at 35 and she was planned and it was when my father was diagnosed with bowel cancer that I knew I wanted him to see a child of mine. I had ovarian cysts at 15 and had one ovary removed and then at 24 I had the other ovary reconstructed and I was told get pregnant now but I waited but I know now 5 years on that if I wanted to have another pregnancy things would be riskier as I split with my long term partner of almost 20 years last June so my chances are not as great anymore. I am extremely grateful that I do have a child even if I never have any more as she is my miracle child I believe. Women are extremely adaptable at coping so never doubt how strong you can be in all of this.
I wish you well and we are all here to help at any time so never be frightened to come back and post other questions as you will always get answers.
BFN
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (7 May 2006):
 My friend, I personally am totally against terminating life that God has created, however I dont sit here in judgement of you neither to I want you or anyone to think that I look downo on those who have had terminations, every circumstance is unique and different. This is a tough situation because you want the baby but he doesnt. But it is YOUR body. Were you both taking precautions when you were sleeping together. I find it very selfish of him to say that he doesnt want the baby because it is too early on in the relationship, he should be honoured that he is able to create life because many men would give an arm and a leg to be a father. My dear you can only do what feels right, I cannot sit here and tell you dont terminate, because thats what I would do, but I am not you however, ultimately the choice is yours because you cant do anything that makes you unhappy. xXx
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