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female
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anonymous
writes: I am re-posting this question as the last one didn't get an answer. I am desperate for some advice as I see this guy tonight and am worried because he wants a cuddle and I won't know where to stop and I haven't established if i'm his friend or girlfriend yet; even a brief cuddle with a guy would be enough to turn me on for sex. All my thoughts of holding off on sex go out the window because I get too carried away!!! Despite loads of offers from guys, I have only slept with one guy in my life and fooled around with another 3 (i am 30); I think it's because I don't like my loss of willpower so soon into a relationship. So, here's the question again:-I have been very close friends with this guy for 4 months, although I have known him forever. (he is younger than me). I am not sure how I stand with him. We definitely both fancy each other like crazy, but there has been nothing physical yet. When we returned home from an evening out recently, he asked me what I looked for in a guy so I am thinking he’s interested in me being his girlfriend. Then a week or so later, he referred to me as a friend which is fair enough as he hasn’t actually asked me out as his girlfriend. However, this evening he sent me a lovely message that ended by asking if it would be ok if we had a cuddle next time we saw each other as he was feeling a bit low right now. Am I right in saying this - that friends might hug but a cuddle strikes me as something a boyfriend/girlfriend would do? I feel confused - does he see me as his friend or his girlfriend? A bit of ‘fun’ or something more serious? He is very shy and sensitive and I don’t want to scare him off by trying to have an in depth conversation about whether we’re friends or girlfriend/boyfriend. I am quite shy myself and would welcome suggestions as to how to bring this subject up. I am thinking that the things he has been asking me suggests that he wants me to be his girlfriend but is too shy to ask outright. I need to know one way or the other though; I definitely don’t want to end up drifting into a ‘friends with benefits’ scenario which I think it is in danger of doing if we don’t clarify things.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006): Hi honey,
I completely feel for your situation and have to say I'm in quite a similar predicament myself, so may not be the right one to be giving the advice! However in my case whenever my non-boyfriend boy friend says he needs 'a cuddle' 9 times out of 10 it leads to more. So maybe it's that your non-boyfriend boy friend (I'll now shorten this to NBFBF!) is approaching you in this way because he also has no idea where he stands with you and so is asking for 'a cuddle' so he can see what your reaction will be? I think you should DEFINITELY wait until you know what his intentions are with you however because I'm definitely in the 'friends with benefits' category and have no idea how to get to the stage you're in now where you're friends as well. That said you sounded pretty sure that you both fancy each other so why not allow the cuddle and see how you both react? If he doesn't seem freaked, you know you're in safe ground, just take it slow and know that you're in control! Hope that helps a bit!
Hugs!
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (4 May 2006):
 I agree with your comment 'friends with benefits' would not be ideal. However, it sounds like you have a good friendship that is blossoming into something more? The only way to find out really is to talk to him directly - sure men and women as platonic friends have 'hugs' but maybe he means more by 'cuddles'. It sounds like you fancy him, and he fancies you so if your cuddle gets a bit...lets say...more than a cuddle, what would be the harm? Perhaps it would be best to try to figure out where you stand with him first however - it sounds like you have known each other for a long time so surely one of 'those' conversations cannot be too hard? He maybe delighted you are bringing up a subject he is too shy to mention.
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A
female
reader, lollicop +, writes (4 May 2006):
babe
hes looking at you as a very good friend and there isnt many blokes who ask for a cuddle and not want anything more just take it one step at a time give him a cuddle and see where it leads to let him take the lead. Im sure if hes as sensitive as your making him out to be he will understand if u ask where u guys actually stand im sure he wont take it the wrong way cus reading your message hes unsure as well and dont know how to approach the subject.
good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2006): Sounds like he is a great understanding guy and isn't there to take advantage of you (there are so many guys that will "ask" for a cuddle, knowing that it will lead to sex because the girl feels like she should).
Before getting in to the situation where you cuddle and things develop, why not have a talk first? In a quiet pub or at home, it doesn't matter.
It sounds like he is interested in you, and you need to find this out by talking with him. Tell him that you have really liked seeing him for the past few months - that is obvious enough that you mean more than friends.
You don't need to mention a boyfriend/girlfriend situation, or even ask him out. You just need to tell him how much you've loved seeing him and how much you like him. These are all things that arn't being pushy, but are really signs that you are more than friends. I think he'll make his feelings clear by the way he reacts.
I think he sees you more than a friend, but not a girlfriend because you're not seeing each other. I think though, you are definately in for getting in to a relationship with him!
Good luck, I think things are going to go fine for you!!! Try not to worry! :)
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