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female
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anonymous
writes: I just recently became friends with this girl. But back before we met and became friends, she used to have a HUGE crush on me. She would drive by my house to see if I was there (I don't know how she knew where I lived), look up my pictures online, try to find me at party's or where ever else I would be just to sneak a peak at me, etc.I didn't know she existed at the time, though, because she was too scared to come up and talk to me. But then out of nowhere, she began to catch my eye and I started having feelings for her. I liked her. And I noticed that she seemed to like me, too, by the way that I would catch her looking at me a lot. I initiated conversation finally, and we became friends. As we began talking more and more, she finally admitted all of this information to me about having liked me so much, and all the crazy things she did. But the catch is, she is with someone else now. She got into a relationship with this other person only a few weeks before her and I began talking, not thinking that there would ever be a chance with me. Now, I feel like there's all of this sexual tenstion between her and I, and I really can't tell if she still likes me and wants me to make a move or not. She's told me before that if we met even a month earlier, she would have wanted to be with me instead, but that it's too late now. But I'm still confused because her words may say one thing, while her actions say another.For someone who just wants to be friends, she sure does do a lot of questionable things. And I'm having a hard time deciphering between whether or not this is a normal friendship, or if it's more. Tell me if this is someone who sounds like all they want is a friendship: She calls every day, a good amount. And if I don't call her back, she seems to get her feelings hurt. She's called me at 2am crying about something her parents did while she was at home over the weekend, and asked me if I would come pick her up 6 hours away. She then told me that the next time she goes home, she wants me to come with her so that she doesn't have to be alone. She asked me to come help her paint her new house with her, in which we stayed up until 6 in the morning getting it done. We will pay for each other when we go out. Not one time have we split the bill. My friends say that normal friendship doesn't work that way, but I don't know. Help me out. Does this girl just want to be friends, or does she still like me despite what she's telling me?
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (1 May 2006):
 You have really answered your own question...'she doesn't have [want] to be alone' and you are being nice enough to make sure that doesn't happen. From a psychologist point of view, I don't think her early behaviour towards you such as finding out your address, emotional outbursts, tracking you down are healthy, and are certainly beyond a 'crush'. She sounds a little obsessive and needy - currently you are her target but she may move onto someone else who is unobtainable (as you were at first) and always meets the criteria of a perfect mate that she constructed in her own head; She now has a boyfriend who may also be making sure she is not 'alone'. You sound very nice and patient; surely you deserve to be with a girl who likes you for you, and not painting services, running after her following her various ups and downs, and being her second choice to her current boyfriend. Because she was so obsessive about you in the first place, she probably has a little fantasy about what you are like (as with all crushes) and you can, no matter how lovely you really are, never live up to the person she conjured up in her head before she got to know you as a friend. So if you ever do end up in a romantic relationship with her you cannot expect it to work out for the best just because of the strange circumstances in which you first met. I hope you find someone nice however!
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