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male
,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. Last summer she got a new job at a bar, hoping to make some extra money. The problems in our relationship started there. She would come home drunk almost every night of the week. At first, I thought she was just having a good time with some new friends. Later on, I found out she had cheated on me multiple times. I've loved this girl with all my heart since I met her, but I just can't seem to forgive her or forget what she did to me. Almost a year later, I'm still with her, and she thinks everything is okay. I just can't figure out if I can forgive her or not. What should I do? Get out of this now, or stay and try to make it work?
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female
reader, doublethink +, writes (31 July 2006):
 Clearly you can't forget it. If it's playing on your mind that much, can you let go enough to really forgive her, with all that means - getting past it and moving on, not bringing it up in arguments, trying to understand how she feels...?If not, I'd say you need to get out - it sounds like this is eating you up.
A
female
reader, Astrid  +, writes (31 July 2006):
 leave her she's so selfish you can get a girl who respects you
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (31 July 2006):
 Whether you stay or go is up to you. If she is drinking a lot then there are health implications and she needs specialist help. You have to realise that her numerous flings are a signal of poor self respect for herself and her drinking behaviour is a quick fix to whatever is really bothering her. It takes a very strong person to stay around a recovering alcoholic so perhaps you should seek advice from a doctor or counsellor so you know what to expect. It sounds like you have had a bad time of it already so no one can blame you for walking away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006): Please go to a couple alanon meetings. If you chose to stay, you need to know how to live with an alcoholic. Based only on your question, I would say go; however, if you "love her with all your heart", then you need to learn to help yourself and her deal with her problem.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (30 July 2006):
 since you cant forgive her after a year, I think the answer should be pretty obvious. Do both of yous (bad grammar there, dont follow :-P) a favour and leave
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