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female
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*atlova
writes: I am a female who is 20 years old and there is this really sweet 13 year-old boy that I have a lot in common with and like very much. I have sent letters to him and called him on the phone, and now his mom thinks that I am trying to rape him, have sexual relationships, and be a bad influence on him. These things are not true! I like him as if he were the really cool little brother that I've never had, and I just want to be his friend. He has treated me the best that any person has treated me in my whole life, unlike other people near my age who have treated me like pure CRAP! I am young-at-heart for my age, and he seems like the perfect friend for me, because he accepts me for who I am and never makes fun of me. Can you please give me some advice? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): are u suprised this is what is mother thinks? at the end of the day there are so many peidophiles and weird people about today you dont know which ones to trust. Can u not find someone your own age to talk to and send letters to and be freinds because soon his mother will stop you from speaking to him. and who can blame her at the end of the day? not me.
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female
reader, Catlova +, writes (4 August 2006):
Catlova is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI that lady won't give me a chance to get to know her and the rest of the family better. I believe that you need to get to know someone, before you make decisions of whether you like them or not.
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female
reader, Catlova +, writes (4 August 2006):
Catlova is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI tried to talk to his mom yesterday and explain my side of the situation that I am not a child molester or sexual predator, but she acted like a very mean, nasty woman to me, and threatened to call social services on me, after I have done nothing bad to her or her son. I think someone should call social services on her! I don't get her, her son is so sweet, but she seems just plain evil!
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 You have to see this from his parents perspective - I can wholly understand his mother's fears. You like him because he is younger than you and easy to impress - you say that you have problems with same-age friendships and you get a lot from the fact that he admires you as an older woman. It is totally ok to be an older role-model for a younger child but this requires parental consent as he is just 13. The role-model friendships is based on a power dynamic though where you mentor the younger person about making the right choices in life and keep an eye on them. It seems you are looking for a friendship of equals though and as a result this friendship is not appropriate. You cannot expect a 13 year old boy to a replacement for a same-age or older buddy. I have no objection to age-gap friendships/ relationships when both parties are over 18 but this boy is still young. I can understand why he would think it 'cool' to have a female adult friend, but it is not entirely appropriate because he can never replace what you really need which is a same-age person. You say that same-age people treat you badly - try to figure out why that is the case, or seek out older mature friends who can enrich your life with their life experience. Many older people will afford you respect and still be young at heart enough to be of interest to you.
You need to tread carefully with his mother - if she reports you to social services then they would investigate the nature of the relationship and you don't want to be labelled as a child predator as it can have major implications for your life regardless of whether your intentions are innocent or not. Best to walk away from this friendship and find someone closer to your own age.
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female
reader, One Of The Ancients +, writes (3 August 2006):
You describe yourself as "young at heart", but I'm sorry, you come across as a little bit creepy to me. What 20-yo woman wants to have a 13-yo boy as a playfriend? What on earth do you have in common? You call him on the phone? You send him letters? Of COURSE his mother's worried. Everything you're doing screams "paedophile" to me, and I'm trying to see your side!
Although I appreciate that you believe that his mom should see your sincerity, this is a very, very uncommon relationship, and what she sees is the hard, cold fact that her son is being "courted" by an adult woman.
You don't seem to appreciate that the boy could be mistaking your overzealous friendship for romance and/or sexual interest. He could very well be fantasising about you sexually, and misinterpreting your gestures in perfectly-understandable ways, that could seem romantic to him. If that's so, you'll be responsible for hurting the kid you think is so "cool".
Please leave off, leave the boy alone. A grown woman does not need a child to be her friend. At the very least, you should be enjoying his company in a supervised way, with his parents, so that they can be very sure there's nothing beyond your friendship.
However I think what you really need is to find out why your desire for friendship is aimed at kids, and not at other adults. There's something you're avoiding, some fear you aren't facing. Why don't you have adult friends? Please find a qualified therapist to talk to about why you're trying to fill a void in your life with an inappropriate friendship with a child.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): Talk to his mother. You have to talk to her if you want to continue your friendship with her boy. Otherwise, you'll look like you're trying to sneak around behind her back. Tell her what you just told all of us. Tell her that you see her son as the little brother you never had, and you just want the chance to be a big sister to him. Tell her that you enjoy his company and hanging out with him, but anything beyond friendship is what pedophiles and sickos try to do, and tell her that you certainly are not a pedophile or a sicko. Try to get her to see your side of things. To be fair, though, I can see why she is scared for her boy. There are a lot of sick people in this world. So if she can't bring herself to see things from your point of view, then you have to respect her feelings and stop being friends with this boy. She is only trying to protect her son. I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out okay. Stay strong!
~RJGirl
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female
reader, beula_the_salty +, writes (3 August 2006):
you seem like a really sensible person so i see no reason why you shouldn't be friends with this boy. i understand however that paents can be a bit over protective...VERY MUCH SO in this case. i would just advise you to tread carefully on this situation and some how reasure his mother that you've no intention other than to be friends with this guy and thats all. plus 20 is such a young age anyway! good luck! x
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