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female
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anonymous
writes:HelloI was wondering if somebody could give some advice. Recently I was raped by my boyfriend. He is now my ex but my best mate was the first person I saw, spoke to and told about the incident, and she won't help me get justice done because she is saying she won't go to court for me, because she doesn't want the hassle. But she is my last chance and I don't know what to do.So is there anyone out there who could help me as I am really stuck. Thanks you all, advice taken.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so very much with all the help and advice you have given me i will keep u informed but since the phone call i have become very emotional and i have alot of hatrid for all the men in my life now i just cant seem to get close to my mates again (guy) i hate it because they aint done anything n its really annoying because i care so much for my friends and would help them do anything whereas i have dropped my mate we no long speak.
thanks for the help ill keep ya in touch from anon.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (29 July 2006):
 You need to get some legal advice - go to the citizens advice bureau and you can see a solicitor specialising in criminal law for free. You may wish to consider a private prosecution against this guy for damages and a solicitor can advise you on your options. Don't blame the police, it will have been the crown prosecution service that decided insufficient evidence. I work in child protection/ domestic violence issues professionally and I know how very hard a court case can be on a rape victim. You should try to get some counselling from Rape Crisis (you can vent your anger if nothing else) and the Victims Support Agency can also offer you some support. I don't think the idea about having your ex beaten up will be great - he could have you arrested for assault to add insult to injury. The sad fact is that if your ex raped you, he may go onto the repeat the act on another woman. Let's hope that the police retain a file on him based on the current investigation and you maybe called as a witness to another case in the future. Forget about him for now, and try to get over what has happened to you through counselling etc. Being angry about the injustice is natural but a waste of energy that is better channelled at getting over this trauma. As for your friend...well I tend to agree with the others. A friend at times of need is a friend indeed...she wasn't so don't depend on her in the future.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You All so very much for the advicei had a phone call this morning saying ther will be no case against him as i have no1 to testify i am in the uk and the system here is very bad i dont understand why i cant just testify but they said because ui left it 3 - 4 days before i reported it there is lack of forensics as well as because of my age they are weiry as well what else should i do.should i do what my famnily normaly does when the police doesnt do anything and go round there myself and kick 7 bells out of him or what.i realy need follow up advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): kay so. your friend dosent really sound like afriend if shes not going to help you. but in court. you need to terll them every last thing that happend. even if it hurts. i mean you need to show/let them know how bad your hurt and how bad he hurt you. you know? dont let him get away with it. seriously. rape is sucha big issue. its so serious. dont let him win.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): in my eyes, this is definitely not a friend you want to have around. because true friends stick by your side, through thick and thin, no matter the cost to themselves. and no matter what may happen to them. so i'd drop her real quick, as she hasn't proven herself worthwhile.that aside, please, please, please still try and testify. i know it may be hard without a witness or someone on your side, but it's worth a shot either way. because rapists get away with doing this to women way too much in our society, and something needs to be done. but i warn you...if you do testify, be prepared for a lot of questioning as to what you were wearing the night of the crime, and if you've had sex with him previously. because the defense attourney will try and make you look like you were asking for it, rather than being the victim. and unfortunately, a lot of times, the jury may fall for this, and blame you. just be weary. the best of luck, and i'm so sorry for what happened. you're in my thoughts.
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