A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem I am almost 50 Years of age and I am living with a woman that I cannot seem to get aroused. On the rare occasions we have sex she is almost frigid. Her sex drive is very low. She never asks or even implies that she would like sexual contact. I am feeling rather frustrated about the whole thing as my sex drive is very high this is compounded by the fact that I cannot talk openly about sex. The rest of our relationship is good. I was thinking of a discreet affair but how could I get a F*buddy when I cannot even talk about sex. Being unfaithful would make me feel guilty. Should I just accept the fact that at my age I should not expect sex on regular basis?
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affair, frigid, sex drive Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers from the 17th July, I would like to point out that I feel that the problem in many ways is mine. The love of my life the woman I live with in many ways is a victim of circumstances. I find it difficult to discus sex at all this is probably the biggest factor, when I try she knows that this is a problem for me and will not tell me of her fantasies and dreams. I have taken onboard what has been said and I think this is good advice (To be honest I think too much of her to have an affair)
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (17 July 2006):
 If you have any feelings for the woman other than sexual (and I suspect you do) then having an affair will just hurt the both of you. I am assuming this woman is close to your age and there is every chance she is going through the menopause - her hormones maybe up in the air right now and sex maybe damn painful! She maybe feeling old and unattractive as the media constantly throws up visions of beautiful youth to torture more mature women. You have to get back to basics with this lady - don't expect sex, but romance her a little bit. When you have been in a relationship for a while it is easy to slip into comfortable ways of not doing things together or making grand gestures to each other - take her on holiday, wine and dine her, the odd bunch of flowers...make her feel special and appreciated and she may come around to a more sexual relationship as women connect emotions with sex. Whatever happens, you have to count your lucky stars. If the lack of sex is the only problem in your relationship then you should feel blessed to have met someone, and live with someone who cares for you (albeit in a platonic way)...there are lots of lonely people out there!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2006): Try talking with this woman. Ask her what it is that turns her on. If it is within your comfort level, you could act out her biggest fantasy with her, and that'll probably keep her from being frigid at all. Although cheating is not the answer, it is not uncommon to have these thoughts, and you shouldn't feel guilty for just thinking about it. Your sex life is an important factor that determines the relationship you have with this woman. It isn't the only factor, but it plays a part. If you clam up and masturbate alone and never tell her how you feel sexually frustrated, you will grow to resent her for it. That can be permanently damaging to any relationship. Although you aren't too comfortable talking about sex, you're going to have to get comfortable and open up to this woman, and find out what she likes. If you know the deep, dark secret to turn her on, you're unstoppable! If you keep this to yourself and let yourself grow more and more frustrated, your relationship will take a big nose-dive.
I wish you the best of luck with your situation. I hope everything works out okay for you in the end. Stay sexy!
~RJGirl
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A
female
reader, chunky_monkey +, writes (17 July 2006):
DON"T EVEN think about an affair, that is horrible. STOP right THERE
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