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male
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*ray-c
writes: Last Wednesday I had a teeney tiny argument with my girlfriend, I later on apologised (even though it wasn't my fault). On Friday I asked her did she want to do something or go somewhere and got no reply.....fine. On Sunday still no word so I rang her up the following is her being all bubbly and upbeat "Ya after our fight I decided to ignore you for a day and then on Thursday I was about to ring you but then mrX (her gay best friend who I do get on very well with) said ohh you've gotten so clingy you can't stop ringing him, so then I decided to prove him wrong, I did good didn't I?? I bet you I could have gone the whole week too!!"To that I told her to give me a buzz when she grows up a bit, a bit harsh I know. Anyway every guy seems to ave to put up with stuff like this so my general question is, why are women such idiots??
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): Hormones are a bitch!
And hey...that generalizing statement is very revealing on how you view women. Not good and with that view you will keep running into such problems. Adjust your perspective.
You weren't harsh. She needs to get a mind of her own and figure out what she wants in a relationship before being in one.
Maybe next time just tell her you don't understand her side clearly and want to but the fighting has got to stop. Tell her that you respond better when she can communicate or express her thoughts in a clear manner without the heat of anger. Then listen.
I don't think apologizing is bad. Just be clear on what you are apologizing for. If you feel you don't need to offer an apology tell her that you need to think on it.
Then talk to her in a clear manner and without the heat of anger.
Communication needs to be effective and you will both need to listen and see it from the other person's side. If this can not be done then be prepared for more outbursts, arguements, misunderstandings.
Most times, women and men have hard times communicating their needs and emotions to one another because we are in fact wired differently. We experience life through different eyes. Same things are going on but women are more inner feeling centered. Men tend to catergorize events.
Sound like a breakdown in communication and that she listens to horrid advice in ignoring someone she cares for is definitely not helping.
Just wait a bit. You gave her the choice.
Think about what you can be doing differently as well; don't just expect her to grow up and change...think on what you can do to make things better.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anna1 +, writes (9 August 2006):
so you know every guy do you? wow, your so popular! haha! seriously though I'm guessing your a very young couple, prob mid teens? she's testing herself, and probably evaluating to what extent her feelings have got for you, shes maybe also learned that some guys are put off by clingy girls so she's trying to prove to you she's not. I agree though it is a very immature way to behave, thats why I'm tempted to think she's more of a girl than a woman, but do try and see her side of things instead of just brandishing us all as idiots because of one little incident with your g/f. In defence to your g/f I do think that is a little narrow minded and childish of you. Maybe you both need to grow up?
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (8 August 2006):
 Hi Tray-c - ok, point taken...consider though if you will that us 'idiots' sometimes give mature, unbiased and very concise solutions to the questions posed on these pages, as the men do, and a throw-away comment such as this is a bit of a 'slap in the face'! Let's not re-inforce the old Mars/Venus issue here, we are all human beings, ok??? ;o)
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male
reader, Tray-c +, writes (8 August 2006):
Tray-c is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yes my apologies it was a harsh generalisation which I put on all women. At the time of writing I was fairly angry to the whole opposite sex so no blame on Dr.Pete's tabloid ways that was the title I was going for. In between the whole "its men that are the idiots" propaganda there was actually alot of good advice so thanks everybody
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female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (4 August 2006):
 Hey!
It's not idiocy, it's immaturity and being a touch naive. And that's not necessarily always a bad thing - although it has been annoying for you. (understandably)
Your gf was only reacting to the criticism of her gay-friend. But rather than having the confidence to say to him 'actually no, I'd rather speak to 'tray-c' and work it out' she was influenced by him, perhaps more so than she should have been, and more so than was right for yours and hers relationship.
And it's easily done - to react to a friend like that because friends can tend to put that pressure on you to show that mates last the distance where gf's and bf's don't.
Although your comments about growing up was fair, it was also harsh. Try not react immaturely to her immaturity cos you'll get nowhere!!
(I get the feeling that you felt a little resentful that you apologised for the argument when you felt it wasn't your fault. Perhaps your snappishness with the gf was triggered by that as well? You're clearly articulate, so maybe a calm conversation could sort out these problems? But if it doesn't (slight devil's advocate moment) maybe it's time to move on?)
:-)
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female
reader, Sexybum  +, writes (4 August 2006):
 Hiya
I've just gotta sayI read your question and all I've got to say about is is.. (and I don't know if this is in self confession or not, but...) All I've got to say is...
hehehehehehhehe
(P.S I think you did the right thing by telling her to grow up, she'd either lying and trying to manipulate the situation or she's being geuine, in which case... she needs to grow up!)
Sexybum xox
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (4 August 2006):
 Why are you apologising Dr Pete, thats what Trac-C said anyway, the title you gave immediately gave us the jist of the question he posted!!!!!!!!!
Dont worry yourself!!!
xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): *puts hands up to admitting being the one who set the question title* :)
In my defence Andrew did say to use tabloid-style headlines and after a reading through a good question and it ending with such an unexpected sweeping generalisation, it was written to become the question title really.. Sorry Tray-c :)
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male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (4 August 2006):
 All women are idiots? You only got that one woman's actions and stuff to back that up which isn't much. I'm surprised all the women here aren't on this guy's case!Guess what you said to your girlfriend was good since it hits the point easily. Just hope she doesn't pull the same thing again though:-P
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (4 August 2006):
What a cheek, how dare you say that all women are such idiots, talk for yourself, had it not occured to you that you may be the idiot as well? Of course not because a true idiot cant see themselves for who they really are.
I do agree that your girlfriendds behaviour is idiotic, but please dont generalise because I am in no way shape or form an idiot and I am a woman, all woman.
I think Dr Pete and Wendyg in particular have offered great advice for you.
I think your girlfriend is insecure and acting foolishly, but dont genralise. Thanks. xXx
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 August 2006):
 I agree with the others - women are not idiots, and if you go through life thinking that everyone woman is out to get you down then you won't get far unfortunately with a chip on the shoulder. Viva la difference maybe a healthier attitude. You are right to identify that your girl has maturity issues but maybe she is easily led - if the gay friend is single at the moment maybe he is jealous of the attention that she pays on you and is stirring it all up (some single people get envious of couples). Either way you both have to sort out the game-playing stuff if you want a relationship to last with her. You don't have to give in all the time and be walked over but there has to be some compromise surely. The alternative is try to find a woman who isn't an 'idiot'...plenty of them out there ;-)
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female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (4 August 2006):
 Bit of a generalisation there... " why are women are idiots"
From my expereince men are just as much idiots as woman are if not worse! lol Now I guess your girl is just playing stupid games leave her to get on with it rather than play the same game. When shes got it out of her system let her know that you thought it to be a tad on the immature side and hope that in the future you can talk about things openly and honesty and in a slightly more mature manner, and that you want to be able to deal with problems as they arise, rather than run away from them! In the hope that you wont have this same type of episode repeated over, shes just trying to in her way teach you a lesson so to speak, when in fact shes making herself look a little silly. Im sure she will get over the tantrum and when she does, rise above it, but do mention that you would like to take a more mature approach to any relationship issues with her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): it's not "women" who are idiots, it's just your girlfriend.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): Well yea, we can be a bit silly eh??!! It's all about misunderstanding between the sexes. Women and men deal with things differently. Women of course are like WAY more sensitive and it can be a nightmare especially when it feels like you are treading on eggshells all the time. She just should have said after the argument that she wasn't happy and needed some space to cool off. Being honest like this goes a long way. COMMUNICATION is the key and neccessary for a good relationship to work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): I guess the way someone handles arguments and disputes etc. is one of those really important things that makes a successful relationship, but often we don't get to find out how someone reacts to problems until we are already pretty attached and commited to them!
I think you did right to tell her to phone you when she grows up a bit (but I guess at the same time you are doing a similar thing that she did - you ignore me, and I'll ignore you) Maybe though she'll see how unnecessary it was to "prove" to your friend (and herself) that she could go a day, or even a week without contacting you. I bet, if you really wanted to, you could ignore her too. But that's not really a way adults should be acting though, eh! ;)
I'm sure this situation will sort itself out and hopefully you can discuss why your different approaches did not work. It might be that she requires a bit of "cooling off" time when she's had an argument with you. I know, personally speaking, I've had to learn when to just leave things until they are ready to talk... Good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): Gosh, it must be awful, maybe you should go out with her gay friend (if he fancies you, perhaps not) ;))
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