| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: hi i need to talk to someone, i hate being married all i've done for the past four years is look after my father in law no one likes me. It like i'm just part of the furniture in the house. I've cried and cried to my husband but he wo'nt do anything. I don't have the strenght to leave i don't know what to do.
View related questions:
depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): I have been looking for my mother in law for over a year. I have a 10 year marriage relationship. Three of my brother´s in law take care on their mother once a month on a whole weekend. The woman suffers from a 08 year advanced Alzheimer. For me it has been the worst experience ever. They are that kind of old fashion family that don´t want a nurse to be with the woman to help her all day nor to put her inside a nursing home. My husband never helped me when my own mother suffered from cancer & died months after. My husband doesn´t understand that this is not the way to handle his Mom; I wash her, change the adult diapers, dress her, give her special food & the worst thing watch her for hours to see if she doesn´t sleep sitting down. For me it has been HELL, I want it out! Hope you can have your husband understand that you are in pain and that this situacion of taking care of your father in law in making you very unhappy. Wishing you the very best!
A
female
reader, Granny +, writes (3 August 2006):
 Allright! Now listen to me you girls! You have a choice: full-time care of elderly realtives is a back-breaking, emotionally-ripping job.
Either you do it for love. Fine carry on.
Or you do it because you are under pressure from family: this happens most often with wives being used to care for in-laws. I have also seen children forced into this, may God help them.
DON'T DO IT! Please. It is another form of abuse. Social services and community groups are there. If desperate, go to your local church. Seek help. Do not be ashamed - reach out into your community for help. Respect the person you are caring for without losing your own self-respect. You need time off. Take it. Turn to your doc, town hall and church or your sport club whatever. You are not alone. Become strong again in yourself before you face the obvious weakness in your partner.
...............................
A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 Sounds like you got a real problem... doesn't look like you got many options...
Thats what a quitter would say! How old are you? I doubt you'd wanna go the rest of your life feeling miserable. Sure you dont have the strength to leave or are you just scared to face the world on your own?
You probably dont want to leave I guess... try talking to your husband all serious and stuff rather than upset and looking out of control. Something's gotta change otherwise you'll just be unhappy for a very long time... ever told your husband you want a place of your own? Or get a job. Then you'll be too busy for the other crap you have to do in the house. Hope something works out for you!
...............................
A
female
reader, Granny +, writes (3 August 2006):
Hi lovely, you poor thing. As Dr. Psyche said, please talk to your doctor. Being a full-time carer is very hard. There should be a scheme available to provide your father-in-law with a part-time carer or social services to give you some time off. Your doctor can advise.
Caring for older folk, even if you love them, can just wear you down emotionally and physically. Dear readers, give this lady some support, please.
You are too weak now to approach your marriage problems, first get care issues sorted out and you really need your family doc for this. Also be honest with your doc about your feelings, he can probably recommend social groups, neighbours, volunteers who can help. Only then can you get back on track to facing your husband with strength.
If the worst comes to the worst, love, sit your father-in-law next to your husband and just go to bed and get some sleep. Let him find out how to cope with it. It might open his eyes about how much you have to do everyday! Sending you a big hug. Thinking of you. Much love.
...............................
A
female
reader, immuno +, writes (3 August 2006):
 Hello, I agree with "Dr psych". I just wanted to send you a...BIG HUG!!! Be strong and take care of yourself :).
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): You have the same problem as I have! I have been married for 10 years I can´t handle it anymore. I just feel jailed with no where to go, unhappy. I think what to do to make my husband react, make myself sick, be with another men??? I don´t have the guts to leave him as well, I am afraid of him of what he will say or even do to me! The bad thing is that life goes on & I am making myself miserable! I just hope you can solve fast your problem!
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (3 August 2006):
 Caring for someone is a difficult and sometimes unrewarding task. You maybe able to fix your marital problems if you take some action to relieve your burden. By this I mean you need to look into respite care so you have time for yourself, and then use that time wisely doing whatever interests you. It may have been a while since you had any 'me time'. You sound very depressed and you should see your doctor for some professional help - everything seems so bleak under that dark cloud.
...............................
|
