A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hi people... what is the right time to get married? I am 25yrs old, I have been in 3 realtionships and all of them did not last beyond 1.5 - 2.0 yrs tops. I am beginning to loose hope that I will actually find someone who can love me the way I am willing to love him... offering loyalty, love and commitment... for life. Do people still live their lives with just one person or should I prepare myself for the fact that that is not going to happen with me?It's just that am so tired of the psuedo things in life... the false promises... the lies... and the mistakes... I am just fed up... Am I ever going to get married? Will I ever find peace? Any replies are very welcome... please do share your views with me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (3 August 2006):
 It is entirely possible that you will find someone special but often early relationships in your teens and 20's are blighted by immaturity (on both sides) and the stress of establishing a life (education, career development, moving away, not having a home of your own, having lower income, not being sure who you are or what you want). It is a good thing that you have had a few fairly long-term relationships. These relationships have gone bad for a reason and they will have finely tuned your senses to what you want in the future from your 'ideal relationship'. There is of course not an 'ideal' relationship in most cases but you will recognise and appreciate your future long-term partner for their difference from the past relationships. You need to work on your thinking a bit...it can be hard being single I know, but it shouldn't be a question of thinking 'Am I going to get married?' but more a question of developing inner self confidence so you won't settle for someone to fill the gap you see as being in your life right now. Don't settle for anyone but wait for someone special. This board has many posts from people who haven't been strong enough to wait for decent person to come along. Early marriage has a higher failure rate because people are often not able to cope with the responsibility of a serious relationship. Spare yourself the heart ache and just wait for Mr Right. Do this in the knowledge that you deserve someone very special and that in time it is going to happen for you. However, longing for this to all happen over night is self destructive and the old cliche still applies - you find love when you are not looking. I didn't marry until my 30's and I am glad of that fact - I did my partying 20's on a string of unsuitable boyfriends and when I met my husband I just knew it was different. I wouldn't have known had I not dated lots of frogs prior to the prince. Good things will happen for you in time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2006): Don't loose hope!
There are a vastly growing number of people who choose to get married, and have children later on in life. The main reason people got married so much younger in generations before us was more for financial reasons, women were largely dependant on a man and without contraception and an accomodating welfare state there was little other choice.
Plus now, we live such free lives, full of so much individual choice, it is pure crazyness to get married as a teen or in our early 20's. How many of these people stay together for live, not many, I suspect!
To be 25, and had a few relationships is entirely normal.
Can you imagine if you married to one of your ex-boyfriends, how unhappy would you be if you realised you had made the wrong choice and had to either pursue a marriage you weren't 100% commited to, or to sadly seek a divorce.
I bet you have learnt quite a few things about yourself from your past relationships, and more particularly who *would* and *wouldn't* make a perfect partner for you - and that is what it is all about.
Enjoy being single and free at your age, you're at that time when you really are maturing as a full adult and truely realising what you want and need out of life, and what kind of person can truely compliment that.
Also - how many of your friends are married at your age? I am a year older than you and I can't think of any friends that are happily married and are already heading down that path of life long commitment and family responsiblities.
I can't wait until I one day get married and have a family, but it has to be with the perfect person for me and until that person comes along I will continue enjoying life and getting as much out of it as I can. You should do the same - don't loose hope, it'll happen - people generally get the things they want out of life, as long as they stay commited to their ideals and beliefs. Good luck! :)
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