A
female
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*nja10
writes:Recently I met a man on the internet and he seemed like everything I wanted in someone, however the first time he called me he was drunk (and driving), I know this is not a good start. However he called me 3 days afterwards and was sober and nice so I agreed to meet up with him. The date went well however he insisted that I go for a drive with him .. we didn't have sex and he didn't force me to do anything (though I did make it clear I wasn't comfortable) anyway thinking he was ok I agreed to meet him again. This time he turned up to the second date 20 min late drunk again and as he confirmed later he was also stoned (he denied it at the time) ... I spent about 20 min of the date sitting at the table alone while he was in the bathroom trying to score drugs. I ended the date and went home, I know I should've ended things there but for some stupid reason I wanted to see him again so I emailed him and asked him if he wanted to see me again which he agreed to. To cut a long story short I went to his place and we had unprotected sex resulting in a pregancy (I just found out)... he also told me stories of how he was abused as a child etc and didn't want me to get attached as he didn't want to hurt me, no surprise I have not heard of him since.. now I don't even think i want to tell him about the pregnancy regardless of if I decided to keep the baby or not. Do you think he has a right to know or am I doing the right thing by having no contact with him I know I was naive and stupid as well but generally I am ok - ie I have a stable job and no addictions etc just horrible taste in men.
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drugs, drunk, the internet, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 May 2007):
 It is up to you, but if you were my daughter, I would hope you would be senseible enough and went for an abortion. Chances are high that your child would also be a drug addict from birth.
If you get the abortion, then keep your mouth shut, and never contact him again.
You knew he was a drug addict and useless as a partner. Are you looking to sabotage your life and screw yourself up? You do have the right to destory yourself, but you have no right to bring a child into the world and screw it up too.
If you keep the kid, keep his information on tap, in case your kid ever needs to look him up for medical reasons (there will be plenty) but I think a drug addict parent would be terrible for a child to have to endure. Life is tough enough. Never see him again.
-FBK
A
female
reader, Cole9292  +, writes (16 May 2007):
I guess it's your decision how badly you want an alcoholic, abusive drug user in your child's life.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (16 May 2007):
 This is very tricky. I think you ought to tell him. The guy seems a mess anyway and he may not bother you since I am sure he won't want the child support bill interfering with his expensive habit. I think you need to give yourself a slapped hand for having unprotected sex with a guy with such obvious problems - you should tell your antenatal care provider about the father as they should screen you for HIV, Hepatitis etc as you don't know what he has been up to in the past. I think there is a big lesson to be learned here about meeting people on the net. I know that some people end up having happy successful relationships this way but I suspect that is the minority. The net allows would-be daters to hide a lot of things about their personal lives (as your story shows) and you really don't know who you are dealing with until it is too late. Maybe it is time to hang up the keyboard and find other ways to meet prospective partners. You seem too trusting and nice to be internet dating - he may have just had a drinking or drug problem but you got in a car with a near stranger who had psychological problems and he could have been a complete nut case for all you knew.
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