A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice. My husband and I have always had a strong loving, trusting relationship. We have been married 4 years and we a have a wonderful two year old daughter. We are both highly successful working professionals. We have very close friends who are a married couple. Both my husband and I have known the wife for over 10 years we all went to law school together and she was also my roomate while we were law students. This brings me to my dilema. My husband had to stay at there apartment last week, the couple was in europe, and my husband had business in the area. Everything was fine until a day later after he was home, I went to log onto the computor but his e-mail was up. . .I felt compelled to look. . .which I have done before and it historically is very mundane. . .yet this time there were four downloaded naked pictures of my friend (who her husband took of her on their recent trip to the Carribbean). . . saved in his e-mail. Then there was a seperate shot of my husband and the girl hugging. I know he took these off their computer when he was staying there. . .without consent. The girl is happily married, 8 weeks pregnent with her first child, and is not remotely interested in my husband. I know he has never cheated on me. . .but what does this mean? Does he lust her or is he just a creepy pervert?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): Does Pork Hock even know what that post was about because her answer doesn't even deal with the question. And why does Pork Hock feel compelled to put everyone down that she gives her shitty advice to? Sorry you look at bad things all day long, but if it makes you so miserable, get a new job. And quit posting your advice when it's always just to demean the person asking a question. This woman is going through a tough thing right now. Why do you have to imply that she has no common sense or integrity? (which by the way you spelled common & integrity incorrectly) You're extremely rude.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): I am sorry, hun. What a shock for you. What does this all mean? Is he lusting after her? I don't know..you have to ask him. But..we do know our husband did a wrong and we know 'why' he took the pics, don't we. His intent was to use these pics for his own personal viewing. He took something deeply 'personal and intimate' from a couple, who are long term, good, trusted friends. He didn't have the right to abuse their goodness and hospitality like this. It doesn't matter if these pics were front and center on this couple's personal computer (that was their right)..your husband still had no right to steal these pics and send copies to his email. Your husband did this because he was only thinking about himself. This has become an issue of his lack of character, conscience and his unthinking behavior. If he had a conscience, he would never have done this,in the first place.
You could ignore all of this completely and try to carry on but the sad, real fact is..you know and you will never be able to undo what you now know. The first step is letting your husband, know that you know he has undermined the meaningfulness and respect of this good friendship and his marriage, by simply doing this simple act. It doesn't matter if this other couple does not know he did this...the fact is--you know! There really isn't any unique way of telling him. In fact, I would just show him what you have seen and ask for an explanation. How you both choose to deal with this, will be a choice that only you two can make. Firstly, owning up to his actions and taking responsibility for them, would be in order. And then having him delete all the offending pictures, would be next. Start there. People have to be careful in life..quite often a person will do something real stupid for just one moment of pleasure, only to end paying a huge price for the rest of their life.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 You started your posting identifying your marriage as strong and trusting...then go on to say you looked at his email. They do say that if you listen secretly then you hear nothing good of yourself...it is a similar analogy here. He may not have sexual motivations for storing the pictures on his email...it maybe just that feeling of being naughty at seeing something he probably shouldn't have. I wouldn't worry about his motivations towards your friend so much as his disrespect - he used their home and abused the position of trust. I would talk to him about it - it will shock him that you know and maybe he won't do it again.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 I liked Pork Hock's answer.
The issue I am struggling with is that they knew he would be at their home, and yet they left (or one of them did) photos where it was reasonable that he would find them. THAT is what I would be focusing on.
-FBK
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A
female
reader, Pork Hock +, writes (26 May 2007):
First of all it wasn't your business to be compelled to look, as for pictures of your husband hugging this girl, then see it as it is, a happy photo amongst friends. As for naked pictures of your friend's wife, so what? Maybe they enjoy their love for each other and choose to express it in this way, whether you approve or not. And sorry who are you asking if your husband is a creepy pervert?
I am a detective who spends most of my time looking at perverted, creepy as you call it images as my job, but it involves children. So understand what perversion is and creepy, because I've seen it and deal with everyday.
Your friends are most likely having a healthy sexual relationship so stop snooping and stop judging a photograph with your husband. Think about what perversion and creepiness really is...it is just a terrible challenge to deal with every day, so wise up and understand what I know and have to see. I only do it and see the evidence to put them away for as long as I can.
Clearly you are very bright and intelligent people, but sometimes having the benefit of commen sense and intrigrity is something you can't be taught at law school.
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A
female
reader, luckygirl84 +, writes (26 May 2007):
 He seems to be sexually attracted to her but since you both known her for years he wont do anything with her for he loves you so he does lust her and he is a pervert but half of the men are lol. It is best not to tell your husband or your friend about this situation for if your husband found out you went through his email he would not be pleased. And if your friend knew that your husband had nude pics of her she would probably have been embarrassed and angry.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (26 May 2007):
 I think that he's definitely lusting after her. You need to address this. If he left it up, no trust issues are being broken, so you need to make him face it.
DV1
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