A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear EveryoneBefore I begin, my sincere apologies go out for the length of this post; it just describes my many years of secret unhappiness, which I must let out!Basically I’m fourteen and very unhappy with myself, not physically but personally (my character).My positive aspects are; I’m polite, very much a gentleman (respectful to others), organised, ambitious, elegantly dressed and clean, not to mention very mature for my age as people say as well as allegedly being funny.I don’t follow colleagues I know who drink, smoke, take drugs and support under aged sex etc. So I have many traits that people/parents would beg for but I lack what they have! Happiness!My life has always been ‘excellent’, my parents care for me and have always got me any school stuff, clothes etc, cleaned my clothes, and attended different events. I love and respect them for that highly! Although for me as a character it has been hell!It started in pre-school, I moved to a small town where everyone knew everyone. I joined the second year. I hated the school and it was terrible, they hated me and my parents. At the time I did not notice, but actually I was depressed as I began to not want to participate in class etc and even remember walking out of the school one day and being caught by the headmaster. Eventually my parents recognised this issue and removed me from the school. The members of the school/staff, parents etc spread across the whole town that I had been allegedly ‘expelled’! I was humiliated and stared upon for many years and sometimes today.Then I was ok but the problem followed me, I started the rest of my school years and it was ok, I did well in exams etc and I was happy, except for a slight anger problem that I sorted with appropriate help, which I feel was due to this humiliation.Then came high school, my parents advised me to join a fee paying school an hour away from home to avoid seeing previous idiotic pupils, from that pre-school. I took the opportunity and joined up in 2004.Ever since then I have felt lonely, I left all my friends from junior school and risked a new start in this school where I knew no one! The first year was hell! I was called gay because of my characteristics and politeness to all (which is offensive as they we’re using a word inaccurately and inappropriately, so no offence to any gay readers).I made very few friends and became friendly with a couple of people who turned out to be nobodies and liars. By 2005 I had enough and I made friends with a real nice guy like me, but still many members of my year would continue to hack me off so I had enough. Became so agitated and upset I had a not very serious ‘riot’ or shouting match with my whole year group one day. After the shouting match everyone apologised and left me alone. People picked on me as I was different, I don’t swear or try and be ‘cool’ I just be who I want to be and many adults respect that, but it can cause unwanted attraction. I have even had abuse form anti-social idiots in my town on the street.I was happy, I had and still have a couple of close friends and I started to get closer to my dream lover and we we’re happy together.I live a long way from the city where my school is. I had a close ring of friends and my dream girl, I was happy for once, I kind of am now (other than having issues with my lover) but life is ok at school.I live in this depressing town and have no friends here, my parents and I have been falling out for years since the pre-school incident, and it’s terrible.My relationship is love hate. They just criticise me for my past and say I’m spoilt, allegedly lazy (which I’m not I do all my homework, clean my room etc) and a loud mouth (that I admit!), as well as being unsociable.They suggested I get out more and socialise, so I did and enjoyed myself by going to the city my school and friends are in and got back before my deadline etc, then they say I’m spoilt and demanding for going out and asking for cash! I never ask for anything!They say I should look and review myself (character) otherwise one day I shall miss out or come down to earth with a bump! I mean I hate this love hate stuff, and I look at myself and don’t see anything wrong but then they are right, I’m loosing my lover because I have been a bit unsociable (but that’s a different subject).I want to sort my life out but I can’t! I’m moving, so I guess that’s good bye to these idiots in this town. I find it hard to recover my relationships at school as people see me as weird! Also I want to sort out my relationship with my parents, when I discuss it they just get stressed and say we are the adults you just follow us, when I question them. I can’t speak to any of my other family members, as my family don’t get on well and some are untrustworthy and won’t help!I love some of my life but I just feel my parents are disappointed at me, I feel lonely to the point where when I loose a friends or get on bad terms with my lover I feel so down as there the ones keeping me happy.My parents sometimes criticise me, an example is this. I may have to board at school due to family reasons that I suggested kindly, ever since they have reminded me and say it’s a good thing for me going there. Also my best friend came home for the weekend and they said they would rather have him and said comments like can we adopt him etc!I have so many gains, but I lack something so precious, comfort and friendly love in my heart. I feel some days why do it try and be polite etc, when it is very rarely appreciated by colleagues etc!Please help!Thank you!
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ambition, best friend, depressed, drugs, liar Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2007): Wow you sound alot like me- What is necessary for you to see( I ahve been in counceling for a long time and it took me along time to see this) But please dont dismiss this- but you have been emotionally abused both by you parents and society- emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse-I dont blame you for being upset and unfriendly- that is how the abuse manifests itsself in the victim- it is good to have these angry feelings- it shows that you are not internalizing it- keep up the anger! I highly reccomend counceling- It will help you find your strengths and cope with the past- it will also help you build connections, truth and lay groundwork for intimacy later on in life. I still have issues regarding trust and many of my relationships have put me in the posistion of being ridiculed in life early on as well. When someone openes their heart up to you you will feel opening up in return. Good luck- you are strong for someone your age and although the struggles wont stop- theres many more to come-ther is also infinate possibility for happiness to come- but it comes from within and not external things.. there is also the possibility that humans can change and perceptions can change- optimism! I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (11 May 2007):
 I think you are fiercely intelligent and self-perceptive. If your parents are truely as terrible as you describe, you need to take heart than in a few years you will be an adult capable of making your own choices. I don't think you need to sort yourself out but remain strong as when you get older and move out of town from hell then you will meet other people just like you. You are picked on in school as you excel and the morons cannot handle that. You can become a victim of peer pressure or just accept you are different and frankly you will be having a great life and career while half the school classmates are still trapped in their trailers. I tell you this with some degree of certainty. I did get expelled from school for fighting as a result of not fitting in for having an IQ above a goldfish and I went to the most terrible high school (It was closed the year I left for failing standards). I wasn't popular in school and those years were a permanent battle with the 'village idiots'. At the time it was distressing but it made me strong and really benefitted my adult life by not standing for c*ap from average people and driving myself hard to get what I want. You are not average and you must come to accept that - in adulthood you will have greater freedoms to decide what you do and who with. You must see yourself at a crossroads of either mental illness as a failed attempt to fit in with others OR self-acceptance (it is OK to be different...average is bland) that things will get better with age. I wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (11 May 2007):
 Hi sweetness,
Upon reading you letter, which was a loud cry for help, I think the best I can suggest to you is seeing your school counselor or seeing a therapist. No, I don't think that you're crazy, but it sounds like you've had a lot of really hard experiences that you really need to talk about.
You are so articulate and you seem so strong. I really think that seeing a therapist will help you to grow stronger and work through your past and present experiences. I wish you the best of luck and beg you to stay strong. You seem like a wonderful guy.
Good luck, sweetness.
xxIndia
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