A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have slept with one of my mates from uni four times and have fallen for him. i thought he liked me because all the signs were there but he kissed someone infront of me the other night and keeps saying things like "i could shag her" (about other girls) in front of me. its making me depressed and i feel used. i cant get away from him because we share a house!he has also made it quite clear he wants a relationship with someone. so whats wrong with me?
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female
reader, RaeRaeMcGee  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 I don't know where you guys stand in relationship terms but the truth is the only reason that he is acting that way is because you are allowing him to define the relationship. Your his easygoing "F-ck" friend in his eyes. He probally feels you are ok with the relationship.First of all, there is nothing wrong with you.There is something wrong with the relationship. You should stop sharing anymore intimacy with him because you will get even more caught up. Tell him that it was good while it lasted but your just not interested anyomore in bringing the relatonship to a sexual level. Somehow you guys might even be able to go back to being friends. But it seems to me that casual sex with him just isn't working for you.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 You need to stop this because you're only going to get more hurt than you already are. Girls don't cope as well as guys with just having sex with someone, no strings, because we usually end up wanting more. You're fallen for this guy and he's being very unfair, even if he doesn't know how you feel, saying these things in front of you.
You're feeling used so do something about it: the only way to get closure on these upsetting situations is to take control of your life and your urges to do it again and sort your head out. Spend less time with him, get out there and have fun, don't hang on his every word, which it sounds like you're doing now. Take control of the situation and get your confidence back. Things will start to make sense again once you find youself.
This is going to continue to happen to you if you let it: make this a lesson learnt. If you want more than someone else, giving yourself to them doesn't earn you respect, it doesn't make them want to be with you and it doesn't make you feel good at all. Take control of your life and when you do find someone worth spending time over, make them wait and gain back some respect: the relationship has much more chance of working if you do this.
As for that loser, he doesn't know what he's lost. When he sees you soooo over him, having a great time and moving up in the world, he'll come crawling back: that's when you get real closure: when you tell him where to stick it!
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Sexybum +, writes (27 May 2007):
 I don't think he 'used' you for sex... he seems to have made it clear all along that he's up for a bit of fun and tumble with you but not interested in the realtionship / commitment part with you........
I don't think he's actually interested in that with anyone and I do feel sorry for anyone who does 'think' they are in a relationship with him cause right now he doesn't seem ready to settle down and would be likely to sleep around with whatever tickles his fantasy at the time..
The word 'used' is used so freely nowadays and it's not fair... He found you attractive and you turned him on you both consented in having sex and neither of you had established a relationship... You went back and done that 4 times and you hadn't established a relationship so you should learn from this... If it's a relationship you want then establish it before getting into bed with someone.
There is nothing wrong with you, you are both just two students who had consensual sex a few times, he is a player and will be for a while to come.... If you don't want to be in his play group then move on.... but stop wonderring what is wrong with you because there is nothing wrong with you hun, you just haven't met the right bloke yet.
Keep looking....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all very much for your kind replies and advice - you have no idea how good it feels to talk to people about it. update, he has arranged a date with this other girl as of last nite. i swear i am so pissed off!!! im currently at uni in england but am from ireland. its really hard to deal with emotional problems away from home. thanks again for taking the time to reply and i will take all your answers on board! ( btw, im sure all english men arnt like this either, i just got a bad egg) lol
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): There is absolutly nothing wrong with you, and i want you to remember that.. ignore this behaviour as long as he is getting your attention then he can treat you as he wishes and he is doing just that. there are countless fish in the sea just as ther are men,(not in the sea obviously) find someone who treats you with respect they are out there and go about your day even if it is hard with the living situation. with your head held high and ignore this behaviour my advise love is not to go there again how ever hard it may be and never doubt yourself EVER take care of you
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A
female
reader, loops +, writes (27 May 2007):
Unfortunatley Men see sex as a lot different to women in this type of instance. He has seen it as pure sex and you have seen it as a lead up to a relationship. Hes walked away thinking your in his mindset and youve walked away thinking hes in yours when infact your both the opposite. You can do one of two things. Confront him about it, asked him what he wanted from you and why he kissed other people in front of you. Or try to overcome this yourself, Put it down to experience and dont bother with the guy again other than friends.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (27 May 2007):
 There is nothing wrong with you whatsoever, there is however lots wrong with him. I would drop him like a bad habit, he has got no respect for you atal. He completely used you for sex, then bragged about he could s**g someone else, believe me you can do a whole lot better than this idiot.
I know its hard because you are sharing a house together, but i would distance yourself as much as you can from him, and don't degrade yourself by letting him sleep with you again. If there is anywhere else you can stay i would consider this option also.
There are alot of good guys out there, don't let this moron put you off.
All the best of luck x
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A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (27 May 2007):
 There is nothing wrong with you at all.
Maybe this guy sees you more as a mate than anything else.
Can you not talk to him - tell him you feel used?
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Nothing wrong with you...plenty wrong with him. He doesn't care about you and there is no respect. You are a friend+benefits without any real friendship. You cannot change him or make him like you in the way you would hope for. However, you can control you and that means you should find another place to live and try to avoid him for a while to get over the heartache of the situation.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (27 May 2007):
 It sounds like he thinks that you and he are friends "with benefits." If that's not what you're interested in (and it sounds like you're not), I suggest cutting off all extra-curricular contact with him. You don't need to make a big deal about it to him when you cut him off -- just say that you thought it was a different relationship than it is and you're not comfortable with the way it is. If he wants to try something exclusive, you're in, otherwise, "lets just stay friends." Hold your head high when you walk away from him -- YOU've done nothing wrong here. And I guarantee there are better guys for you who will want what you want. Good luck hon.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Nothing is wrong with you. He's not sure what he wants. Someone with that type of personality can't handle a relationship, and you need to distance yourself from him.
DV1
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