A
female
age
41-50,
*aunders2k5
writes:I,ve recently split with my partner again for the 4th time. I gave up my job and friends 4 him he promised he change, we've had loads of physical fights cause of his jealousy now he's promising yet again he change. I've heared it all b4 but this time he reakons he means it, its the longest we split 4 and i really dont know what to do will things be different now we're living apart when we got back last time it changed 4 bout 2weeks then things went back to how they were. I'm really fed up of the same promises that dont last, do u think i should give him one last chance or do u think he's just full of empty promises ?
View related questions:
jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2007): you should run and never look back. mark it up as a lesson learned in life. if your strong enough to let go now then do so before your become to weak to let go. i was in an eight year relationship that went the same way. it does not change. it will only get worse. and in the end you can't be mad at him but mad at yourself for allowing him to treat you that way.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Most people who are jealous, can not change on their own. You know if he has anything to be jealous about. If the answer is no, then he needs to work on his issues.
What you must realize is this, the more you give in to his jealous ways, the more you actually validate his feelings. If he sees a crack in your armour, he'll go for it.
As an example, if you agree not to go out with your girlfriends for a drink,because he says there will be too many guys around, he'll see it as a win for his jealous ways. This will continue until you resent him so much that you'll decide to start going out with your friends again. At that point, he wont' be able to handle it because he's been conditioned to think he was always correct and now you've decided to go against HIM. In reality though, you'll only be doing what you should have been allowed to do all along.
There is much more I can tell you about jealousy. If you'd like to add some more detail about the specifics, please do. Or message me privately. I'd love to offer some more advice but I'm not sure what his issues are.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): You want the truth NO!!!!! he wont change i was in a relationship for 6yrs i to got very down lost weight and didnt no what to do as i was married and had a little girl. in the end after both physical and mental abuse i finally got the energy to tell him to go. it was no were near easy but i was not going through that anymore. And love it was the best decition i ever made slowly i became stronger. And i learned so much from tht experience so my advise to you sweetheart is be strong even though it will be hard you will come out the otherside a much stronger happier young woman with so much to give to someone who treats you with love kindness and respect as you so very much need take care of you
...............................
A
female
reader, loops +, writes (27 May 2007):
Unfortunatley I agree. These type of violent people always promise to change, it lasts a few weeks and you get in the security that he has changed and then it goes back to square one and you are left feeling like you wasted your time. You obviously care for this guy or you wouldnt have gone back, but personally Id say cut your losses and leave for good, find someone whos worth this care you have. As he definatley isn't
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Domestic violence perpetrators (that is verbal abusers as much as physical) always say they will change but unfortunately very few can without professional help. His intentions maybe genuine in his head at this time but you know from past experience that it always slips back into violence and abuse. If he is really committed to change then you should insist he gets professional help and then come back post-recovery. Personally after 4 attempts at a relationship I think the writing is on the wall and you already know you have to stay strong and walk away for good.
...............................
A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Ugh. I recognise that situation. I'm just getting out of it myself.
So, either the person can't change, or they won't. If they can't, then you can't stay with them. If they won't, then you can't stay with them.
Listen, honey, he'll tell you anything he wants to get you back, and then it'll be the same old story. Two weeks of nice, and then it will go back to the old ways, and you'll feel even worse.
Break it off. Stay away this time. Resist him. He's going to chase you, but don't give in.
...............................
A
male
reader, DV1  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 I think that he's full of empty promises. You can't force someone to be something that they're not prepared to be. Find someone who fits what you're looking for.
DV1
...............................
|
