A
female
age
30-35,
*ontFlirtWithSuicide
writes:hey, i have a real problem.. im just 14 and i was with this guy for a year then i found out i was pregnant and after 3weeks i told him, he dumped me and said he hated me, 2months later i told my parents, my mom kicked me out so i live with my dad now and he wasnt too happy about it untill we saw the scan =] then my ex boyfriend spread rumors about me around our school so i was forced to move schools aswell as house! im now 6months pregnant and he and his mom ring me up all day long telling me im liein about been pregnant! which doesnt bother me that much because i know the truth and i arnt exactly walking around with a pillow up my top, but he keeps threating me and followed me home from school, he beat me in the ginnal outside my house, ive changed my mobile numbers many times and im terrified to tell my dad what he does, i feel i still love him but that cant be true im only 14 its my hormoans talking right? i think my baby deserves to know his father but he cant keep beating me i dont know what to do please help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): hi im 14 and i have been kicked out of home aswell, except im not pregnant. i have been with this boy for 6 months and i cant leave hi because i think i love him but he has hit me a couple of times. so for the past 6 months ive been living on and off the streets so my best thing for you have your baby get a unit get a job and get youtr life together
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): Call the police, get a restraining order, relax, go to therapy or find someone who you can confide in outside of the situation, the councelor, work hard to get through school, and take care of yourself and the child- stay distanced frm this boy and his family good luck. Surround yourself with those that support you..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): tell your dad and you guys can call the police and report him for assault. He deserves that and you can then go on with your life and have the baby and meet someone more mature and loving later on. But first, you need to graduate high school and finish it so you can get a better job in the future to support your son or daughter. Make some new friends at your new school and your life and can only go up from there.
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A
female
reader, DontFlirtWithSuicide +, writes (26 May 2007):
DontFlirtWithSuicide is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks alot for the advice guys i no what i have to do now =] my baby comes first and no one will stand in the way of me making a proper life for the baby and me xx
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A
female
reader, DontFlirtWithSuicide +, writes (26 May 2007):
DontFlirtWithSuicide is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks alot for the advice guys i no what i have to do now =] my baby comes first and no one will stand in the way of me making a proper life for the baby and me xx
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A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (26 May 2007):
 You need to tell your dad what he has been doing to you, he could take it too far and hurt both you and the baby. Dont worry about him denying the fact that he is the father - a dna test can prove he is when the baby is born. His mother is probably just shocked to learn that her son has fathered a child and has choosen not to believe it. They arent the ones that matter here you and your baby are. Sounds as though you can trust your dad and with his help im sure you will make a great mum - despite being such a young age. Best of luck to you and baby xxx
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A
male
reader, sleepyhollow  +, writes (26 May 2007):
Okay, your baby doesn't need to know his biological father. What your baby will need is a father figure, who loves him/her.
If you want to accomplish something good in your life, give the baby all your love, and live your life in a manner that when your child grows up, they will be proud of you.
Study hard and work hard to achieve a comfortable life for both of you. Do so with honor, integrity, and kindness. If you do these things, it may be tough going, but you'll be happy in the end, or at least satisfied that you did good. Lead by example for your child. You will see people without honor doing better than you in many things, but do not emulate them, as many of them find out later that their lives are devoid of love and happiness.
Be good, and strive to be better - and the right kind of people will find their way to you and surround you. Believe me. Not saying it will happen all it once, but when you're older, you'll understand how important being able to live with yourself influences your decisions and your child's own morals. Be firm, but just.
A friend of mine dated a woman who had given birth in high school. She is now a child psychologist and educator, and she has raised her daughter well. You can achieve just as much if you decide to put the life and well being of your child first. You'll be surprised at how your life may turn out if you do, in a positive way.
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reader, Rainee  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Just to add on to DrPsych's post (as it is very good advice):
Having been pregnant before, I know what you mean about hormones possibly affecting your thoughts and feelings. Every time you start to get the warm fuzzies for this guy, remember this--anyone who abuses a pregnant woman is abusing her baby, too. Even if the stomach is never touched, the stress induced on the mom can affect the baby (that's why mom-to-be's are always advised to relax as much as possible!) And physically, a blow that might only bruise you may kill your baby. Start regarding your ex as someone who is trying to murder your child (why else would be beating up on you when you're far enough to be showing?) and your maternal instincts to protect your child shall guide you.
Be sure to tell your father about this. Fathers are there, amoung other things, to protect their children. Let Dad help you help yourself.
P.S. - No baby deserves abuse. Hence, your baby doesn't deserve to know him because it can only lead to pain.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2007): Oh dear. you need to get a restraining order on this guy & his mom if they are harassing you. I don't understand why they would do that. 14 is sooo young. This guy can't handle that he's about to be a dad. Please get yourself some protection because if anything happens to your baby you're going to feel like a total piece of crap. Your baby will know her dad if he ever gets to a point where he wants the baby in his life, which probably won't be for a long time, when he grows up. So until then don't be around him. Just surround yourself with people who are loving to you & supportive like your dad. And make sure you tell your dad how much you love him, & what it means to you that he's there for you. It is going to be really hard, but you'll get through it, and when your child is grown, you'll be so glad you had him or her. I just had a baby last month & you'll be shocked at how much you love them..it's unreal.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Good grief! What a mess. You can put an end to the harrassment and violence but it means you have to tell an adult - preferably your father. There is a communications act in the UK which means it is an offence to threaten or menace someone by phone - BT are great at sending letters out to the offender. You don't love this boy, think of him as a sperm donor only. You have to love yourself and your baby more. Basically if he hits you, then there is a child protection risk and he should not have unsupervised access to the baby. Post-birth he may have a change of heart and go for custody/ access to the child so you need to make his history of violence documented now.
You should call women's aid for specific legal advice on your rights as a victim of domestic violence. You can also gets all sorts of help and support from social services - they are not all about baby-snatching and the like. As an under 18, you are covered by the 1989 children's act yourself and should qualify as a 'child in need' under the legislation. This means you will be hooked up with services to help you take care of the baby such as support groups, benefits advice and housing.
If you get the courage to call the police then they can intervene and hopefully scare him off. Domestic violence is a cowardly act and one of the best ways to deal with cowards is to get the authorities onto them.
At 14, having a baby is very difficult so you should be hooked into young mum's groups in your area so you don't end up socially isolated (ask your midwife). You also have to think about your education so make sure your father is liaising with the school over arrangements to school you once the baby is born - most areas have specific teenage parent classes.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Ask a judge for a court order to allow you to record phone conversations. Prove that he's harrassing you over the phone, then sue the pants off of him. Go to a doctor immediately after he hits you, and he should have left something like sweat, which can be a dna sample. He can be put in jail for assault and battery.
DV1
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A
female
reader, ***cgirl  +, writes (26 May 2007):
ohh my....ur in some trouble there....think about this..think if u a baby who had a mother who was 14 years old who lives with her dad....would u relli want that person....i think u should give that baby up for adoption...i think it would be the best thing...but relli i would say it is your choice....and that boiifriend of urs is one real b*tch its his baby as much as it is urs and he should be supporting u not beating u and i think u should tell ur father about what hes been doing ...its not right what he and his mother r doing to u...if u relli want to keep this baby keep it...but ur going to have lots of problems with it....ur mite not be mature enough to take of a child ul have to make alot of desicons but first i think u need to tell your father about what hes been doing to u......
**i wish best of luck and hope everything works out for the best
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (26 May 2007):
 Hun, you need to tell your Dad about him beating you. If you don't, you are putting yourself and your baby at risk.
I suggest ( and I know this is probably something you don't want to do ) that you talk to the police. But even if you don't talk to the police, you NEED TO TELL YOUR DAD.
Your Dad is the one person who at the moment who seems to be the only one you can trust and I'm sure that he would ensure that nothing bad happened to you or the baby if you tell him what's going on.
If you tell him, then you can discuss with him future plans, what your going through and anything you are worried about. Remember he's had kids - he had you, so he knows the ups and downs.
I don't believe that you love your ex so much as feel hurt from what he is doing/ has done. As for his mother, she's probably just a bit messed up and she should know what her son is doing.
PLEASE tell your Dad. I'm concerned for you and the baby's safety. And I know from your question that you care about your baby so do this for her/him.
In years to come, if your baby is a daughter, and she was in this position, wouldn't you want to know that she's being hit and carrying a baby? wouldn't you want to do anything possible to help, support and protect her? I'm sure your Dad feels the same, but you need to tell him.
Even though your growing up, your still his baby.
I wish you and your baby all the best. x
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