A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so, saw my ex boyfriend at a bar we frequent, it's been about a month since we last spoke. and he completely ignored me and left within 5 minutes of me being there...it was a bad break up, he dumped me by text. i got mad, said some things, he said some things back, all very hurtful stuff. he said he wished he'd remained single, i said i wished i had never dated him, he said good bye, i said bye, he hasn't said a word to me since.he hasn't deleted me off facebook or msn, which i don't really understand, but we do have mutual friends, one of which he's not talking to because this friend has been talking to me and feels bad for me in the whole situation.i hate the negativity of the situation, i'm going to have to see him and i will run into him, often. and i don't know what to do now. i've seen how he's going to react to my presence now, and i don't like it. the worst feeling in the world to me is the one i get when people don't even acknowledge me. it's hurtful to be ignored. i gave him eye contact, a half smile, and he couldn't even look at me, he'd avoid my eyes, and just left the bar...i feel like crap, i hate feeling this way, and i don't know what to do. i want to be civil, if only for the sake of mutual friends. should i try and talk to him? i want this to be done with, but i don't want it to be left with all this negativity. i am happy and willing to sit down and talk with him, how do i get him to feel the same? i do not want him back and i doubt he'd want me, seeing as he dumped me and can't even look at me. i just want to be civil, how do i do this? i can't take it anymore, i'm constantly feeling bad about this and it's stopping me from moving on
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 I think you're being a little selfish. Why do you have to be cordial? I know, that's the right way to be. The "socially acceptible" response... Who cares? He is obviously not over everything that happened. It could be a closure issue, it could be anger, it could be immaturity, but ultimately it doesn't matter what it is. I would not waste my time reaching out to him, it isn't worth it. Like Denise32 said, you have to say "the hell with him."
My ex and I run into eachother at the bar sometimes. It's always awkward. We are cordial, but I'd rather not see her. One of us usually doesn't stick around too long when the other is around. My point is, being around an ex isn't all it's cracked up to be. Don't try to force what you want on him if you ever want things to be civil again.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (15 June 2010):
 It's only been a month since you broke up. Not much time at all.
Do you absolutely HAVE to see him? Presumably this would be in social situations, not work-related?? If social, you could start by not going to the same bar he frequents. Might be a little difficult if you have other friends who also go there, but if its not too much of a hardship, you'd be well advised to find other bars......maybe invite your friends to go to those other ones with you.
Yes, it is hurtful to be ignored, true. In your case, I wouldn't take it too much to heart though. Look here: you made the attempt to be polite; he was petty in his non-response - and in fact, very unkind and unfeeling to dump you by text. He sounds like a real clod.
Hold your head high: you have nothing to feel bad about. Just let him get on with it, and tell yourself "the hell with him, he's not worth the time of day." That will be the first step in your moving on........
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