A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Here it is..!I broke-up with my x for cheating on me. How I found out isn't important except to say that I noticed a lot of changes and little lies. This happened 1yrs ago.. We wanted to have a break first..then get back together cause this was a 10yr relationship that started when I was 20, him 28yrs old. He said from the start of me buying my home that if he had to buy me out that that was it that he didn't want to get back together..so I took a lot less. (for the down payment)I bought a place and moved out'a the house we had together with the understanding that We'd sell it if we decided to get back together..He told me that he wanted to b left alone..so I called once per month.He said that he never wanted to know that I was dating anyone...So I never said anything...He called in January and said that he wanted to tell me that "he's decided to move in with his new g/f." that he loves her now more than me.. that he wanted me to be the first to know.. He was CRYING the whole time..also saying that the new g/f was scared that he'd want to get back w/me..and this was a good way to show her that he was moving fwd with her...He couldn't keep talking with me and drop'n off my mail cause he was mean to her after seeing/talking.. w/me. Also, he didn't know how my relationship/s were going cause I never talk about it.''I was Crying too!!We didn't talk for 4.5 months..( my choice..he txt'd I didn't reply)He txt'd me that he needed help looking after the dog we'd had as a couple. I called...He explained that his g/f hates the dog. I said 'ok'...''BUT...I'm still in*love with you and this isn't like when you were dropping off my mail..I'm now informed that my feelings were ill placed and there is, in fact, no need for me to put myself through the emotional hurt of seeing you... Don't forget that I was waiting for you to get whattever it was out'a your system.. The next thing I know is your inlove... Just give me the dog and that's it..''He didn't agree to that , but instead every 8days and doing the pick-up/drop-off while I'm not home..The problem that he finds a way to not b able to do the pick-up/drop-off without me, so we end-up talking, laughing, and me missing him. He says that he, in fact, didn't move in with his g/f. That he goes there often..bt would rather be at home half of the time. The fact that our dog isn't allowed there is a 'deal breaker' for him! He say's things like this to me... giving me hope? but why? he just wants to see me suffer?Fyi... I'm comfortable when it comes to $. I'm very tall, thin, healthy, beautiful. no pblms there. I couldn't lie and say that i was single when he asked...he'd never go for it.. When asked I said yes. He was upset and was going to give me a very long ''talking to'' until I just looked at him...lol. All that came out'a his mouth was ""well, my name you shouldn't be just seeing anyone""What I wanted to scream was that ''''I only love you"""He is gone now for 3wks (work). He txt's but he keeps the wording around our dog. I txt pics.What game is this mam playing?suggestions...I want him back!!
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (26 June 2010):
 Now I don't see him as a bad person. You already showed him you are still in love with him but have the fear that love is not enough to keep this thing going. He had hoped that you forget about him and move on. Your reason was he wanted to hurt you by saying he loved this girl in January. The other possibility is that he couldn't stand seeing you still hurting so he wanted your love for him to die. He's confident that you can find another one like tomorrow. Neither of you are ready to move on. Seeing that you feelings are persistent, he's hoping you would still give him another chance. You are at a limbo state but remember whatever you choose to do have no regrets. In order for him to see you, then he has to tell you that he is no longer with his girlfriend. That he lied to you when he said he loved her more than you. He has to let go of his pride and say he still loves you. But of course you have to give him an opportunity to have a talk like this. It can't be done over texts.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionConfusionA few corrections on my part...I think some may hv gotten the wrong impression of me and therefor the answers reflect the need to give support rather than answer the suggestive request/questions. I was always the Dominate one in the relationship..I'm not a victim. I made referance to the wedding to show how he may have felt insecure. I gave an example of his fear that it we started splitting up our assets it was a sign that I was finished with him. I thought that cause I was the one to make the rules in our relationship, it was best to go with his rules in the break-up. The girl he cheated with was a 'one' time thing. We were still dating for 8 months after that ended. I just couldn't deal with the emotions and needed to break-up. The girl he's seeing now is an old friend from school. My goal in the break-up with him WAS in-fact for him to date....then realize that he had a good thing. And if he never cane back...lick my wounds!I know what he said to me in Jan. was to hurt me. It's expected...he's hurt!!I'd began to move on after Jan. even though I knew he wanted to see me. Believe-it-or-not... I love my sanity more!I feel that I need to mention that he felt I was not interested in him over the one year split. I always acted like I was 'ok. This is my first time asking about something like this in this format. Normal conversation remains my best form of get'n others to understand what it is I'm trying to converce. So with that said.... No prep talk on the moral of taking back a cheater. No answers about get'n rid of my dog..Q's; are men as caluclated as women are? Is my x using my dog to see me?I've never been this much inlove b4. But I'll never b in a relationship where I feel that I've got'a keep tabs on someone. Please..if you reply..do so with the knowledge that it takes 2ppl to mess things up..everyone plays their part.. The conditions for a reconciliation have already been set. If we do get back together, he knows what it'll take from his end...same as me. Thank you very much for your help..(:
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (23 June 2010):
So he had been with two women already and you think marriage is going to solve that problem? And hooking up with two women is the result of you postponing the wedding? You are doing too much for the relationship and getting nothing back. He must have you under his spell.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): Please note that the girl that he cheated with is not the same person that my x is dating.
Also, there's no need to tell me that I'd n better-off without him cause we really were a great couple... I should mention that we were get'n married and it was me who kept on pushing back the date. After almost 3yrs he started asking if I really wanted to! I did, but seeing as I was paying for it....I wanted wait until my small business was ok..
Thank you for the replys( :
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (23 June 2010):
You said you want him back. That's actually easy but the truth is that you don't want him back also. Don't let your emotions rule your decision. You had been separated for 4.5 months. That should be enough time to not let him affect you. You deserve so much more than your ex. If you get back with him, you'll never truly be at ease, you'll always feel like he's only with you until he finds someone better. He's not playing games, it's clear that he just wants to string you along.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 He doesn't know his own mind, sounds like to me.
He cheated on you with her, lied about it, and was very cruel in telling you he loved her more than you. I get the impression - sorry to say - that he wants to keep you waiting in the wings in case it doesn't ultimately work out with her.
You deserve better. Much better. Let him keep the dog, and you get another one. Contact the Postal Service and tell them any mail for you is not to be delivered to his house, but kept and forwarded to you at your current address. That will take care of the mail.......
Keep on not contacting him, and make a life for yourself without him - until you meet a man who will really love and respect you and want to marry you - or if not that, have a solid commitment.
Forget about "loving" this one. He's not worthy of you!
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