A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have so much love for my boyfriend, but the past 3-4 years living together, I've been too controlling, and i think he's been keeping it in. The past few days, he asked me to break up with him while I still love him with all my heart and didn't expect him to end this relationship so fast. I'm 20 and I'm going to college, but isn't working at the moment. He is the one working, and i live with him. I can't go anywhere, He said he will let me stay with him until I have enough money to move out, he will stay pay for my phone bills, I can have his TV, his Computer, and if i get an apartment, he will pay half the rent. I never been independent before all this, I moved in with him at such a young age, never paid my own bills, or lived alone. My other choice, he said is to move back to my parents in LA and now im in San francisco. The thing is that, I don't want to move back, I wanna keep moving my life forward, I still need to finish my college here etc. So the issue for me now is that, if I live with him, I have to accept the truth that we are not together. For example, i dont like him to smoke, I never caught him smoking, now he is smoking in front of me more than ever. another example, like spend the night at his friends or something, and I have to stay home alone, and it makes me hurt even more that I have no control of what he is doing. So I tell myself, If i'm willing to stay with him, I have to accept the truth, I plan to move on, because for being a 20 yearold, I'm still young, I have more things in life to accomplish than sitting in this square box room and crying over someone that doesn't want to be with me. "theres more to life than relationship", relationship is just a part of life. Right now my family comes first, But Yesterday I thanked him, for breaking up with me. It made me realize how good of a person he was to me, even though i can't change anything now, I will use this lesson For my future relationship. When I was sad and crying, I kept thinking to myself about all those years we've been together, things that we did, places that we go. But now.. even though am still sad. I changed my thinking. I'm actually happy that we broke up now, because if its not going to work, its not. Even though if I try to change myself for him, I will not be happy also. And if he told me later than this, or kept this relationship going, and add more years to our relationship, its going to hurt me even more. Imagine if we had kids together, or already married, its even worse! I tell myself that 3-4 years of my life being with him, will always be a part of my life, but just a part of my life and can't make it affect my whole life, Best thing to do is brush those 4 years off my shoulders :) I would love to read your opinions,
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 June 2010):
 Compromise is the key to living together. You may think it is over but it is never over if you are still staying together.
Just live from one day to another because no one knows what the future will bring.
It is good that you get to see him from another perspective.Maybe, you may get a second chance at this relationship again if you can see his perspective.
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (4 June 2010):
 You sound as if you have your head screwed on right, as "they" say. It hurts that he has ended it with you, true, though he's being considerate to tell you you can stay with him until you have enough money to get your own place and be self-supporting. But you realize that would not be easy, to put it mildly.
You say you don't want to move back with your parents, but this might be the best option for the time being. Don't know if you'd be able to transfer to a college closer to their home because it wouldn't really be practical to go every day from Los Angeles to San Francisco. The upside of this is that you realize that your family comes first, and it will only be for the time being until you are able to graduate, get a job and start earning your own living. Plus, hurrah for you for the lessons you are taking from this relationship!
All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2010): Good for you! I know how painful it has been, but I think realizing the truth and learning to use your pain to advance positively are the just rewards you have reaped after going through that hell. However, I was wondering how you were able to stay with him after he broke up with you. His obvious display of doing his thing is his way of saying that you are no longer important in his life. It was only out of goodness and consideration that he let you stay. If I were in your shoes, I would have packed up and headed to my parents and just decide on the next move after I have hibernated for a while.
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