A
male
age
30-35,
*reendone!
writes:hey guys and girls, i really need your helpive been friends with this girl for quite a while now and yet we've only met once, despite the fact that she lives approximately one hour away from me and on a more serious topic, already has a boyfriend. Going into the friendship I thought i could somehow appreciate the fact that someone so cool, and awesome and beautiful would be friends with me. and i do...i wouldnt trade it for anything. But the more i speak to her over the phone, and the day we met, I have never felt with another girl before. She is honestly the girl of my dreams...everything ive always wanted, and yet she is already taken. Ive tried to clear away from her and give her space because she has a boyfriend, but everytime i call she tells me she missed me, says things that has happened to her that remind her of me, that just makes me fall for her all over again. I want to be friends with her, and I respect her boyfriend and yet i realise how damn lucky he is, and wish that it was me in his position. I would do anything to make this girl happy. Just the thought of her heart breaking kills me inside. I have tried to get over her and just see her as a friend, but as soon as i try to move on, something happens to remind me of her all over. like a song she told me to listen to always comes up as soon as she pops up in my head. Finally, should i tell her how i truly feel about her, or should i not risk ruining our friendship and what we have now, for what i wish we could have instead. I hope you guys see where im coming from, this girl is so gorgeous in every way possible, it kills me inside...girls like her are never single...sometimes i feel like i dont even deserve her, and want her to be happy so I just back off...cause i care about her so much...i just dont want to know down the track that if i could have said all of this to her she could probably see me differently...and maybe see what we have as something more special than just a friendship...thanks guys
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (7 June 2010):
 How much do you know about her relationship with her boyfriend? Have they been together a long time? Does she talk about him to you?
To put this another way: in your conversations with her do you have any sense as to how that relationship is going??
One question for you: How is it that in all the time you have known her, you've only met one time?
I think its very good that you respect her relationship with him. My suggestion is that you see if you can visit with her for an afternoon and just chat. You might, but tentatively, mind, let her know you would enjoy seeing her more often, and see what she says.
If she tells you something such as "Freedone! I'd love to see more of you, but as you know, I'm going out with "Dave" and I don't think it would be fair to him" you'll know not to put much hope in it - in fact, that's a courteous brush-off, and your better course of action would be to back off from calling her at all.
But if her response is to tell you things aren't going well with her and "Dave" and they're thinking of ending it, then you should tell her something such as you wish her all the best, and want her to be happy, and if at some time she and Dave are no longer an item, then to get in touch with you.
The only other thing is, you have only met her one time and I wonder if you aren't building up a fantasy of how good it would be to be with her. In any event, respecting that she is currently with "Dave" (and you are indirectly being considerate of his feelings) is the right thing to do.
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