A
female
age
36-40,
*rincessdippy
writes:Me and my boyfriend were going out for over 4.5 years. Over easter weekend we were going out clubbing together since first time before christmas. We have pretty busy lives he works 5 days a week and works in a bar at the weekends so every friday night i let him out with the boys never ever complained. Anyway he was so drunk he couldnt stand and we couldnt go out. i was mad at him but would have got over it then on the Monday he went drinking the whole day again and didnt bother to even answer my text so i text him and said we were finished because i was sick of been treated second best all the time. He text all the day tuesday grovelling and i was like ok he starting to get it. Then on the Wednesday he text me told me he was having a horrible holiday and i said forget about it we will be fine when you get home, and that was the last i heard from him, not one call, text nothing So i text him on the sunday and said if your not bothering with me now how are you going to when your home. I went on a mini break with my friends he text me on the Monday said its over thats it he wants out. Met him on the Wednesday and he like it over, im dont wanna be in a relationship anymore. Anyway i honestly pleaded please dont etc etc but i was starting to get over it then, and he started chattin to me on facebook and wanted to meet so i met him and he said he was really messed up and he doesnt know what he wants in life. We kissed each other and then the next day he went away on a lads weekend. He came home the Sunday and i was chattin to him trying to motivate him to go to college and said i wasnt giving him sympathy cause i work in a hospital and i know people far worse off. Anyway i seen on his facebook then he started calling me a psycopath and that i was nuts etc.. I was so mad but didnt confront him because i shouldnt have seen that conversation but i did! anyway i gave him my old tv and i wanted it back because my cousin was getting a new house. I figured he thought i was deadly serious then and the texts and the emails started coming through. He was so flirty and we were really enjoying each other. We met every night for a few days and one of the nights i slept with him. He was always baffled when i said i would be kissing other people and he said he had no interest in going out with anyone and isnt even thinking of girls. Anyway i was with him on the Thursday and this girl called him!!! he said then he was with this girl when he was away and it was just a kiss and it meant nothing. And i was so upset because he lied to me, he knew i definatly wouldnt sleep with him if he was with someone else. So that was it then i didnt contact him for like a week and then i got weak and was chattin to him and i said i have only had 2 weeks to get over him and he has had 2 months becasue any time i was moving on he came back. He said it going to be hard to get over our relationship and that we have to move on, and he over it and he hopes i am too because it obviously still hurting. I was out on Monday night then and find out he already seeing this girl he is working with. 2 weeks ago he was saying how much he hated her and how she was such a little druggie! which she is!. She is a girl who is known to sleep around too and its just soo disgusting i mean we live few minutes apart and she was found unconscious by him outside the nightclub last weekend after she was thrown out by security! Classy girl right?? i just dont understand why he is been so horrible to me.. he was always shouting at me aswell after we broke up like f*** off etc we f***in over and all and know he going out with this girl its just so disgusting and its eating me up. I dont think i deserve it and there is times i hate him but i cant help but still love him... you spend nearly 5 years of your life with someone and now they have turned into a completly different person :( its horrible
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broke up, christmas, clubbing, cousin, drunk, facebook, flirt, kissing, move on, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angeleyes86  +, writes (3 November 2012):
So my boyfriend and I literally had sparks flying when we started off, I have two kids from another guy who is not in the picture at all. He wanted them to start calling him daddy and so they do, they love him so much and so do I. The past two months things have gone downhill, he has packed his stuff like he is going to leave and when he gets drunk around his brother he talks really down on me and acts as if I said or did something to attack him. Which I didnt. I am not working I have been looking though, so not only did he go from a bachelor to a family but had to take on the financial stuff too. Right now he is gone, he was drunk and was saying nasty things and had his brother come and pick him up, he said he was done that I bitch too much, which I am guilty of. Now he says he needs to be able to do things like go out and be a man, he feels suffocated in the house all the time. He works six days a week, and we only have one car since his is in need of serious repairs. I love him so much he is my best friend and i will do anything to make him happy, it just seems like he has given up. Is it the stress getting to him? What should i do? I need advice I cant lose him he is a great guy and so good to my kids.
A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (7 June 2010):
You do need to cut all contact with him but i do understand that it is hard. People say you should just forget him but its not easy. I know edzactly how you feel. Five years of being there for someone and then they change into someone completely diffrent and start treating you like shit. But you really do need to be strong, cut all contact and delete all traces of him. It hurts but if you do this you will start to feel better and realise that you dont need him and that the break up is good for you. You will come out on top in the end. Take the time being single to learn to rely on yourself and realise you really just dont need him and will find someone better.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (7 June 2010):
 You "love" this jerk? Do you "hate" yourself for neglecting your own sense of worth and self-esteem?
I'm sorry, but seriously, five years together or not, why in the world would you put up with him for even five minutes after his first episode of being so flat-out drunk you couldn't go out together? Yes, yes, I know one or two "lapses" are forgivable, but this goes beyond the pale....
Do not contact him again; change your email, IM address, phone number, if necessary, and don't go places where he might be. You are quite right: you DON'T deserve this one!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 June 2010):
 Where do I even begin? This guy is a raging alcoholic for starters, and I mean of the fall-down variety. He's screwing around with his life. No college, living off the seat of his pants. In 10-20 years, he'll barely even be able to take care of himself. He doesn't have the resources to love and cherish anyone else, and I think even he has a brain cell and is realizing that, which is why he broke up with you.
YOU, on the other hand, have to quit being a yo-yo. You love him, you hate him. You want him back, you don't want him back. He's sleeping with other girls, yet you're hanging on every word he types in Facebook. You aren't a psychopath, yet your actions would almost validate what he's saying.
Forget the TV. You gave it to him as a gift while you were going out. You used the TV as a device to get back with him. STOP this madness and let him go. I mean burn his picture, erase all the old texts, IM's, and emails. De-friend him permanently. Get him out of your life, or your life will be flushed down the toilet as sure as his is being.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): He obviously is looking for something else, a change or just plain sex and doesn't want to be attached. He is being mean to you because he feels a lot of guilt, and wants you to hate him and be done with him or get tired of it and walk away on your own free will. New relationships are fun and exciting whether they last or not. And that is what he is seeking. Older relationships can get in a routine and a rut and if you don't keep up the passion and excitement this sometimes happen and unfortunately it usually happens to one before the other and someone always gets hurt. If one or both don't feel that the other is attractive to them sexually, but then goes out and gets attention from others from the opposite sex, that too can come between two people because they are seeking the attention they aren't getting from their partner anymore.
My suggestion is to move on...if he really loves you he will get over his issues and contact you....but I wouldn't try to win him back now, the pain you feel now could come again at a later date, unless you both can communicate and work on keeping the excitement and passion in your relationship alive.
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