A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need to get this off my chest and apologise for the write up. My boyfriend broke up with me almost 4 months ago and disconnected his number 2 days later. He has never contacted me since. The story is way too long but here is some. He has been married before but he left his wife, she then moved out of the state. He is 28 years old and I will be turning 22 this year. We were together on and off for two years. It was always him who left and would come back. The first time he left me was just before xmas in 08 cause ‘it was too soon’. He cancelled a holiday we were going on. He came back in feb 09 after I told him I wasn’t waiting around. During the time we were together we would fight constantly, and he was extremely good at turning everything around on me. He could never be wrong. I never understood. He would be distant one minute and close the next. Two weeks after my 21st birthday, he leaves me (october). Two weeks later he comes back. We book another holiday but 5 weeks later, he turns cold and dumps me again. I got really upset and he leaves me in a dark park alone. He cancels the holiday the next day. But a week later, he gets into contact with me. He wants me back. He claims that he just gets ‘confused’. He is so in love with me. I am like his drug. He even says that loves me more then he had loved his own WIFE. He was also crying and I mean sobs. He sends flowers the next day and promises never to leave me again and I wouldnt have to worry. He acknowledges everything he has ever done wrong. We rebook the holiday. Xmas comes around and then we go on a holiday after the new year. On the holiday we did everything he wanted to do and I pay for alot. After the holiday, he only sees me 3-4 times in two weeks and turns cold. He leaves me exactly 2 weeks after getting back, “Oh im not in love anymore”, “I care for u but as a person”. “We need to go our separate ways”. "we fight". It took him 10 minutes to dump me and again he leaves me in a park and d/c his number. He spoke to my mum two months after we split saying he is sad and thinks of me everyday. Just to add, he took me to ALL his family events, I was very much part of his family. When we were together, he also would spend a lot of time with me, and NO other women were in the picture. Any woman he had contact with when he had broken up with me, he would delete their number and not have anything to do with them. He is VERY close with his family- a mummys boy. They have a big influence on him. I don’t know what to do, cause I want to hear from him still. We havent spoken since. Was it me? Does he think there is better out there? Will he find someone else and love her and treat her right? I don’t want him to have someone else, it makes me feel sick. Because why couldn’t he treat me right? Does anyone think he will be back? I live in a small city and i worry that i will hear of him and things he is doing, and most likely i will know the places he goes and the people he sees. Please help. I understand it is easy to say "oh he used you", but this went on for two years and he was friends with me for a few years before.
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 If you know what's good for you, you WON'T (don't) want HIM back!!
He dumped you several times - including leaving you on your own in a park late at night - very thoughtful, that - told you you're like a drug to him - very nice - cancels two holidays you'd booked, and when you finally do go on vacation with him, you pay for the bulk of it; he gets to do everything he wants......and to top it all off, constantly blames you for anything and everything that went wrong in your relationship.
Lovely man.
If he does find someone else, you could feel sorry for her. He's no bargain. Do we think he'll come back to you?
I sure hope not!!! You don't deserve the treatment he's dished out......good riddance to bad rubbish. I hope you eventually meet a man who really will treat you well, and think the world of you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 June 2010):
 Was it you ? No, it wasn't you. It's him being a selfish,immature jerk.
Does he think there is better out there ? Probably he did. Every now and then, he goes shopping around and when he does not find the item he is looking for,comes back to old reliable you.
Will he find someone else and love her and treat her right ?Find someone,yes-love her and treat her right, I don't think so. People like your ex can only love themselves.
Why couldn't he treat you right ? Because he has got issues preventing him from that- and because you let him treat you wrong. You fool me once,shame on you- you fool me twice,shame on me.
Does anybody thinks he will be back ? Unluckily,thare is this possibility. I say unluckily, because you need this guy as you would need a bad case of chicken pox.
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A
female
reader, busy04 +, writes (22 June 2010):
 I think you just don't anyone to tell you that "he used you", and if that's true...have it your way. But I see that as being part of the case here.
It doesn't matter if this went on for 2 to 50 years, the fact is that an up, down, in & out relationship is just NOT GOOD. It seems that you've become used to & comfortable with this pattern, this is unhealthy. But if you're content with being a yo-yo, looking for hope in this situation when there isn't any visible & still anticipating the actions he makes. Then by all means, continue to stay on this path. But I have to be honest & say that nothing here looks promising, it's obvious that this young man needs some self examining & soul searching...He's obviously confused.
If you want stability, substance, peace of mind & a solid relationship, then I suggest that you move on from this. Let go, it may be hard but it can be done. You are still very young, you should have a wonderful life ahead of you & someone that's stable to share it with. Don't waste time on someone who can't decide, take matters into your own hands & make a choice for YOURSELF. You deserve better Sweetheart.
Good luck!
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