A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I know that many of you are going to say this is wrong, i am sure it is but what is done is done.We started as a harmless flirting, talking every day and making silly jokes. We do not even live in the same town but he manged to come here and we went out. Everything was great and he continued to contact me all the time. He really cares about me and makes me laugh.Then i went visiting him and we had the best time ever. We slept together and we had the biggest chemistry ever. He told me he doesn't want me to leave. He is planning to come here again and i am dying to see him. Problem: he has a girlfriend and he is living with her. I fell insecure because i want him to see me more than a pretty girl to sleep with. And i know i will get attached and hurt. I do not know what i can do. He continues to tell me to come with him but i do not want a fwb stuation, it makes me fell cheap and i am more than a fine body.But i am really falling for him.Thanks for reading this and give me some advice.
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cheap, flirt, has a girlfriend, insecure Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2010): Awwww honey....it's hard to answer that question, I don't know him but in general I don't think that when you sleep with someone right away that there is that mutual respect there. And if he doesn't respect you then you need to move on. He has a girlfriend, yes, we all do stupid things sometimes and our feelings get in the way so I'm not going to waste time here telling you how you were wrong because you already know. Sometimes it's too easy when someone tells you what you want to hear, but that's exactly what he did to get what he wants. It's exciting for him, doing something he knows he shouldn't but I was told once by a very good friend that the truth always has a way of coming out and you don't want this to come crashing down....because it will. So I would recommend that you let him go and hold on to your self respect, you are better than that....if it's meant to be it will be but it should happen naturally:)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): You are letting yourself be used. This guy will never take you as full GF material. And given the way he treats his GF it doesn't sound like a great place to be anyway.
If I was your next guy I would be pretty turned off over what you are doing here too. Why should I commit when you'll screw me for nothing?
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 He's cheating on his girlfriend. What a nerve he has to be coming on to you and going on dates with you when he has no business doing so while in a committed, live-in situation with another woman!
He IS using you, and though you say you don't want a friends-with-benefits situation, that's exactly what you're getting.
You can't go back and undo what's already happened. You CAN though, ditch this loser and eventually meet a man who is equally attractive and FREE to be with YOU!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): You can't. He has already cast you in a role as understudy and someone else is the leading lady.
Be a star. Go shine!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 He's having his cake and eating it too. I would back away from this guy. If he hasn't made steps to leave his girlfriend now after telling you he didn't want you to leave then he never will. You will end up being the other woman desperately picking up the small crumbs he throws you when he feels like it. This guy will not make you happy. He will dangle a carrot in front of you and you will feel like shit all of the time except when you are with him and he promises one day you will be together. As long as you are with this guy thinking you are in love then you are closed off to othe opportuities with someone who will love you like you should be loved. I know you feel like you are falling for him but please push those thoughts aside and cut contact with this guy. Join a book club or community class and learn something new. You will occupy your mind and meet some new people.
Good luck doll I know you will be ok if you get away from this guy.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 June 2010):
He's using you. He has a girlfriend, and he's using you on the side. End it, because this is something you're not going to in. He's a liar and a cheat. He may make you laugh, but he doesn't care about you. If he did he would have left her and come to you. Instead, he's just cheating on one woman and using another. End it now and keep your dignity.
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (17 June 2010):
 You're right: what's done is done. But once it's done, that doesn't mean you should keep repeating what's done and continue the on going cycle of do-overs for what's done.
The whole concept of learning from your mistakes is to actually learn not to repeat them. It is a mistake to make yourself available to a cheater. You share guilt by association.
The fact that he cheats on his g/f tells you volumes about this guy. He's not one of the good ones.
What you can do: is tell him to do a 180 and go back to his g/f and be a decent man. You want no part of a guy like this. Don't you deserve a man all to yourself?
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