A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started dating a guy Id literally liked for years but I messed up big time. I was just so nervous and had just come out of a bad relationship so really didnt show him my best side. I was so scared of it going wrong that I couldnt relax and be myself. The more I behaved like that the more he backed off so the more paranoid I got - vicious circle!Obviously it all ended up going wrong and we decided to call it quits. Thank God it didnt end nastily and we agreed to try and be friends. I told him I thought it was a good idea if we didnt see each other for a couple of months so I could get my head straight.Im a bit heartbroken by it all but really feel like we didnt get to know each other properly and Id really like to do that. I thought he was the one for me but now Im not sure because its gone wrong and I feel I dont know him well enough. I figure if I get to know him as a friend things might become clearer. Trouble is I think hes started seeing someone else. Im upset, but more bothered that Im going to be pushed aside. I know I have to play the long game with him and I think hes worth it but how do I even start a friendship with someone who may be at the begining of a new relationship? Hes not going to be bothered about me at all now!I really want to make this friendship work, if he is the love of my life at least things may develop over time. And if hes not, at least I can be sure of that once Ive got to know him. But I dont know where to start!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): Hi thanks for your answers. I see your points about how difficult it could be but if I don't try to make this work won't I always be wondering "what if"? I'm not sure he is the one for me but what if he is and I just let him go?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 June 2010):
Like it or lump it, you are now an ex. And it's very hard to be friends with ex. Even harder is to be friends with an ex who is moving on. Which he is, very clearly. If you were a woman going into a relationship with a guy, would you really be happy about an ex trying to sneak her way back in? Would you be happy if an ex had an agenda to find out whether your man was the One? You would not. And that's what will happen here. The price of jumping into a relationship when you're not ready is that you lose that person quickly when it goes wrong. You have lost him, and it sounds like he's moving on. If he is, retain your dignity and bow out now. Don't be the ex hanging on for dear life. It never works.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (23 June 2010):
 Yes, you can try the way Waiting for an angel suggests.
Do you only think he's seeing someone else or do you know for sure that he is?
If he isn't, it might work; but if he is seeing another, unless its very casual, I don't think you should invest too much hope in it........
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2010): It doesn't seem like it's really just a friendship you want. You actually want him back if you could, no? Maybe I'm misunderstanding you.
If you want to be just his friend, keep things on good terms. Don't pursue things with him, since he's seeing someone else right now. If things happen to line up and you meet with him or get to chat with him, great. But I think you do have to accept that since he's seeing someone, you're going to be put in the back and he's going to put her first.
In the meantime, move on, go out and have fun and meet other people. Sometimes things just don't work out, you can't force it by chasing after him still. And you're right, maybe somewhere down the road, something might happen. But don't expect it to...
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A
female
reader, Waiting for an angel +, writes (22 June 2010):
Its very hard to start a friendship but its not impossible. First try to get back into his life slowly & steady , by talkin to him & asking him about his day , simple stuff you know. Now that theres another person it'll be hard but good luck.
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