| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Guys! What are the motivations, excuses, reasons, justification for men who are cheating?
Q. I'm trying to better understand motivations for men cheating. So all the men out there... IF your woman is very attractive, always sexually available and ready for you, gives you massages, regularly cooks meals, works and pays her own sh...
A. 17 December 2011: Danger, this guy has tons of red flags. Ideally you would drop this man and move on right this minute. However I know, we want to believe in the best in people, and we NEVER learn from the mistake others made. And "everyone deserve a chance" and all ... (read in full...)
Am I being controlling, or am I just being cautious and protecting my marriage from further destruction?
Q. Hello, I need some advice and opinions. My wife and I have been married for 16 years and its been a pretty tough marriage from the beginning. We have both been faithful over the years, but not real happy. I just recently realized that I've been a v...
A. 16 December 2011: So what if she does? Let her go out and get smashed, it doesn't give you a headache in the morning. ... (read in full...)
Does interest shift this fast or is she flaky?
Q. i was hanging out with this girl for about a month, then following this unexplicable (literally, non-verbal) falling-out she started ignoring me, won't talk, and has immediately replaced me with another dude. she's 21 and i'm 27. is she that ...
A. 16 December 2011: Just ignore her back.. not as a game, but as a matter of fact. Game playing is immature and annoying. Just be happy you didn't get more serious with her as she is this sort of woman. ... (read in full...)
Guys! What are the motivations, excuses, reasons, justification for men who are cheating?
Q. I'm trying to better understand motivations for men cheating. So all the men out there... IF your woman is very attractive, always sexually available and ready for you, gives you massages, regularly cooks meals, works and pays her own sh...
A. 16 December 2011: They'd cheat because they pity themselves no matter what. If I remember correctly, there was an interview study in Cosmopolitan where they talked to cheaters about cheating, and the reply was that men who cheat cheat with women who are LESS pretty, ... (read in full...)
Am I being controlling, or am I just being cautious and protecting my marriage from further destruction?
Q. Hello, I need some advice and opinions. My wife and I have been married for 16 years and its been a pretty tough marriage from the beginning. We have both been faithful over the years, but not real happy. I just recently realized that I've been a v...
A. 16 December 2011: I also think you are being controlling. You are trying to think for her, be her brains, make the decisions on her behalf, chose what friends are good for the marriage or not, control when she goes out and at what time she comes home, where she will ... (read in full...)
Is too much self pleasure harmful?
Q. This is probably a really unusual question but...I think I'm addicted to porn/masturbating. I'm not sure, I don't watch it/do it every day but when I'm bored, I can watch it up to two times to get my "fix" of sexual buzz for the day. I guess this ...
A. 16 December 2011: You just discovered this 5 months ago, and to quit doing it doesn't mean you'll enjoy your boyfriend MORE. If anything you'll learn what you like this way and learn how to get yourself there. I also think having orgasms completes your sex life, ... (read in full...)
Does interest shift this fast or is she flaky?
Q. i was hanging out with this girl for about a month, then following this unexplicable (literally, non-verbal) falling-out she started ignoring me, won't talk, and has immediately replaced me with another dude. she's 21 and i'm 27. is she that ...
A. 16 December 2011: I don't think this is about being flaky at all. Being flaky is going back and forth and not sticking to it, while you and her never seriously dated, you had a girlfriend, and you were just getting to know each other. So she figured out something ... (read in full...)
Will you get over your soulmate if they die? what about being with them when you pass if your with another?
Q. Do you ever get over loosing your soulmate?? I know some of you may look at this and think "your young you will find someone else and be happy" but I am so heart broken and just cant imagine a life with anyone else. I was in love with the man I call ...
A. 16 December 2011: I do not think you ever "get over" your soulmate, or loved one, if they die. I have two aunts who have remained single since their significant others died. I am not so sure about the story of the one aunt, but she has been single for over 20 years ... (read in full...)
If I've lost my virginity already, is it normal for me to still be feeling pain?
Q. I lost my virginity to my ex back in may and between then and now I've only had sex 7 times. My ex was roughly below average (about 3.5-4 inches) and he had a small girth so I don't know if that has anything to do with why I'm experiencing so much ...
A. 15 December 2011: Well then... My only guess is you aren't turned on enough. Doesn't matter how much foreplay action there is if it doesn't do the trick. It is odd that his fingers would hurt as well, but when you say "fingers" it makes me wonder just how many ... (read in full...)
I have an eye infection and can't wear makeup. Should I not go out clubbing?
Q. Honest question, i'm going out tomorrow but I can't wear eye makeup with an infection I have at the moment. I've never been clubbing without makeup and I worry guys will think I look ugly without it, I don't know whether to go out and just have a ...
A. 15 December 2011: Guy really do not know much of a difference, unless they are gay. Really. Most guys wouldn't be able to tell, if all you wear is mascara for example, and some light eye shadow. Of course if you pain yourself heavy with makeup in vivid colours ... (read in full...)
Fingering hurts!
Q. So, my boyfriend has been fingering me and when he puts his finger up my vag, it feels like so much pressure but it's kind of uncomfortable. Idk if this is because its new..but ahhhh! What should I do!? ...
A. 15 December 2011: Tell him that it feels uncomfortable. He needs to know so he can stop whatever he do and try other things with you. Just because he's more experienced with OTHER women doesn't mean he'll know how to touch YOU. ... (read in full...)
In the process of an adoption and I've fallen in love with the birth mother! Help!
Q. i am in the middle of an adoption and i fell in love with the birth mother, i love her more than my own wife. is this normal that i want to spend rest of my life with her and unborn children she wants to give us? help me...
A. 15 December 2011: Normal? Define normal. It appears to be quite normal for people to fall in love while they are in a relationship, but most people would stop the contact and intimate friendship once they start to feel things are going over the line. You however ... (read in full...)
If I've lost my virginity already, is it normal for me to still be feeling pain?
Q. I lost my virginity to my ex back in may and between then and now I've only had sex 7 times. My ex was roughly below average (about 3.5-4 inches) and he had a small girth so I don't know if that has anything to do with why I'm experiencing so much ...
A. 15 December 2011: ps. I was with my ex a year and a half and only after a year or so things started to feel better... But certain positions were off limits, and I always had to use extra lubricant. ... (read in full...)
If I've lost my virginity already, is it normal for me to still be feeling pain?
Q. I lost my virginity to my ex back in may and between then and now I've only had sex 7 times. My ex was roughly below average (about 3.5-4 inches) and he had a small girth so I don't know if that has anything to do with why I'm experiencing so much ...
A. 15 December 2011: The pain when you lose your virginity is mostly because your vagina isn't used to something of that size pushed up there. So naturally, when someone above average comes along that you haven't gotten used to, it'll hurt! It hurts because your vagina ... (read in full...)
We like each other but he has a girlfriend, what should I do?
Q. i have a guy that i think he likes me around me and i like him too and he has a girlfriend what do i do ...
A. 15 December 2011: You unlike him and stay away, because either you are getting the wrong message and he isn't interested in you, or he is a two timing cheater. In either case there is only one thing to do: back off before you get hurt and screwed over. ... (read in full...)
How do I approach this without risking losing her completely?
Q. Hi guys, My small dilemma is that I've been seeing a woman for 6months. About 3 months ago we both sat down and said because we have both only been out of a relationship for 9-12 months that we wouldn't commit to anything and we've essentiall...
A. 15 December 2011: I think in all likelihood, she feels the same way about this now as she did 3 months ago. 3 months isn't that long, when you think of it, even if it feels long when you're hopelessly in love and can't get what you want. Be patient. Maybe she'll come ... (read in full...)
I'm always there for my friends but they aren't there for me. How can I stop being used by them and find new friends?
Q. I know this is a relationship site but thought I would write on here. I am a quiet and shy person naturally and tend to be the friend people walk over. But I will be there for my friends at the drop of a hat because I wouldn't want them to be ...
A. 14 December 2011: If they don't hang with you "normally" and only call you when they need you to do stuff for them, they are not friends. Once you stop calling people who aren't your friends friends, you'll have come a long way. New friends are made through soc... (read in full...)
My Bf and I constantly fight over unwanted attention I receive from other men. What can I do to fix this?
Q. I have a great relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years. My problem is that we constantly fight over unwanted attention I receive from other men. I am naturally a very friendly person to any individual regardless of age or looks. My career is in ...
A. 14 December 2011: I just want to point out one thing. If you WANT this attention from the men then it isn't "unwanted attention". If you like the attention you get, and want your boyfriend to be okay with it, thats one thing. It sort of sounds like this is the case. ... (read in full...)
Live with family or live with boyfriend?
Q. I promise it's a quick read, if a bit long! This is a two part question: Part 1: My parents are asking me to pay for bills now that I just graduated and got a job (I make $25,000 as a receptionist). I would be okay with that but 1) ...
A. 14 December 2011: Question 1, I don't care how rich your family is, when you are an adult you support yourself if you want to be respected by others. Your parents asking you to pay for staying there is 100 percent appropriate, and what they choose to do with THEIR ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend arrived for a 2 week stay with me without any money! What should I do?
Q. My boyfriend has just arrived for a 2 week stay (we're long distance) without any money! He says he's taking a month long break unpaid and has just enough to meet child maintenance payments during this time so I'm going to have to cover for him. He ...
A. 14 December 2011: Send him home. Tell him you're not his mother and he isn't a child. ... (read in full...)
Too early to talk babies?
Q. Im in a relationship and have been for 10 months my partner split with his last girlfriend of 9 years they have one child 6 and still txt as if there friends in jan she walked out I was there for him and we got close and now where together he really ...
A. 14 December 2011: Too early. You barely know this man yet. Ask yourself this question; can you see yourself with him for the rest of your life? Because if you have a child with him this man will be tied to you for the rest of your life, and so will this other woman ... (read in full...)
My Bf and I constantly fight over unwanted attention I receive from other men. What can I do to fix this?
Q. I have a great relationship with my boyfriend of 2 years. My problem is that we constantly fight over unwanted attention I receive from other men. I am naturally a very friendly person to any individual regardless of age or looks. My career is in ...
A. 14 December 2011: The late night texts you excused yourself for not replying to? How about telling them directly that late night texts are inappropriate? Excusing that you didn't reply implies that you'd normally reply to such messages late at night and that they are ... (read in full...)
14 and pregnant, mom doesn't know yet. What do I do?
Q. okay so i'm 14 and pregnant i don't know what to do. i really want to keep my baby because it is my baby. i turn 15 the same week i become 15 weeks pregnant..my boyfriend knows and he wants to keep the baby too..i don't know what we should do, i've ...
A. 14 December 2011: I am so glad you gave your mother a chance to support you, and that she has shown you that she is there for you to help you out. Good thing she took you to the doctors, and great news! Double blessing. Yes, twice as hard, but you can do it, and now ... (read in full...)
Should I accept the Proposal? But I don't trust him!
Q. Hey, I need some advice on whether I should listen to my head or my heart regarding my bf's marriage proposal. We've been together 17 months, and he's asked me to marry him. My initial reaction was to be very very happy... but I'm starting to give ...
A. 14 December 2011: Head. Go with your head, because your head knows whats best for your heart in the long run, and we all know that love does not conquer all.
However, this doesn't mean you need to leave him. You just need to tell him that while you are positive... (read in full...)
Have any girls on here gone to a bar alone?
Q. I have been on my own for a long time now. It has been bothering me for a while but it has only become a problem recently. I don't have particularly great coping skills and feelings of loneliness have become overwhelming. I really need to make some ...
A. 14 December 2011: Hey there. I am not a natural talent for socializing either. I do go to bars and clubs alone, I'll say that, but the city I live in has an environment for it. It varies from town to town and country to country, so I really have no idea what the ... (read in full...)
I asked my boyfriend to have a STI test, he was shocked! Was my timing really that bad?
Q. I have been dating this guy for over a month and we get along extremely well. One thing led to another the night before last and we had really great first time protected sex. The next day we were texting about the experience and I mentioned that we ...
A. 13 December 2011: Your timing wasn't bad and this is pretty straight routine, although I strongly discourage anyone from having intimate and important conversations over TEXT or phone. Talk in person about intimate things. But no, the timing wasn't off, you should ... (read in full...)
Do women want powerful, wealthy men more than considerate, nice guys?
Q. I know nobody wants a wimp. But do all women prefer the self-absorbed jerk with power over the nice, middle class guy who is considerate of a woman's feelings? Is the law of the jungle and the law of human love really the same?...
A. 13 December 2011: I don't think so no. Some of you guys appear to have an obsession with not being nice, as if the opposite of nice is self obsessed jerks.. But thats not how the real world is. Most men tend to be a good mixture of nice and not so nice, as we all ... (read in full...)
Do teenage guys only want sex, or does my boyfriend sound different?
Q. I have been dating my current boyfriend for three months but have been friends with him for two years. We talk daily, usually on the phone or skype because we live half an hour away from each other. He says he loves me frequently, and I know I love ...
A. 12 December 2011: Not your real question, but why is half an hour considered such a distance you can only communicate through skype or text messages? Half an hour isn't long distance you know. Meet, hang out, he goes half way and you go half way and it only takes you ... (read in full...)
Do girls think about their ex's penis
Q. I was wondering if girls think about the size of their ex's penis. My girlfriend made it a point to tell me the sizes of her ex and it hurt my self esteem because i'm just average. And she sounded like she was gloating for them. For me and guys I ...
A. 12 December 2011: Honest answer here. Yes, at times, if the topic comes up such as now or when debating penises, I do think about my exes penises. I can't remember all penises I've ever seen, but some stick to my mind, especially if I've mentioned them to girl ... (read in full...)
Questions about my sex life on the first date
Q. Today I went out with a guy for the first time- we've got some mutual acquaintances and that's how we got to meet. Date went well enough- the standard movie + eating one. He seems cute, easy going, laid back, kind to people and very good looking. ...
A. 12 December 2011: You'll laugh just as well as I have :) Of course, Im not laughing at you, Im laughing at this bloke. We've all had our share of bad dates that we tell our friends about, in some time this one will be a good story amongst your friends.
"Chan... (read in full...)
Am I just emotional or is this true love?
Q. My boyfriend and I spend a lot of time together. We haven't gone without seeing each other more than a couple of days in the entire 17 months we've known each other. Over the last few months I've felt more and more lonely when we're apart. I get ...
A. 12 December 2011: Okay, I understand that after many years of being on your own you are tired of doing the independent activities. However, as tired and bored with them as you are, you need to, perhaps unfortunately for you, continue to do solo activities or ... (read in full...)
Have I lost my virginity and could I be pregnant?
Q. Hi...I'm a 21year old and I'm still a virgin so I'm really clueless about sex. My boyfriend and I were making out so things got heated, we both ended with just our underwear on. I don't know if this is regarded dry sex or not but I was laying flat ...
A. 12 December 2011: No and no. You are still a virgin. The penis needs to have entered your vagina for you to have lost it. And no, you don't get pregnant like this, you had clothes on and he didn't enter you either. ... (read in full...)
My bisexual/lesbian friend dislikes gay men!
Q. Dear cupid, My best friend is a female bisexual and she's great, but I have one problem and its the fact that she hates gay men. I'm so fed up with her double standards its drives me up the walls. Sometimes she calls them names like F****t and ...
A. 12 December 2011: It's the infamous battle of vampires vs werewolfs... or in this case lesbians vs gay men. It's unfortunately not uncommon, not that I have done social studies on it, but to my knowledge these two groupings tend to despise each other. And if your ... (read in full...)
Am I just emotional or is this true love?
Q. My boyfriend and I spend a lot of time together. We haven't gone without seeing each other more than a couple of days in the entire 17 months we've known each other. Over the last few months I've felt more and more lonely when we're apart. I get ...
A. 12 December 2011: "End of our time together"? Explain. Is he leaving abroad? Will you never get to see him again? Or is this how you feel when he leaves for two days every now and then? Because you act as if he was dying. Saying "the end of our time together" makes ... (read in full...)
My bf is chatting online with girls... should this bother me?
Q. My boyfriend has that game word with friends and all these girls chat with him an I read one an a girl said she was layin in bed he could join he didn't say anything bad back he just put lol an what? Should this worry me. Or is it just a guy thing ...
A. 12 December 2011: So other girls are not respectful of your relationship with him, but he isn't the one making the comments. So there is nothing to be jealous of as he isn't giving her special attention. Rather you should be angry at girls who flirts with a man who ... (read in full...)
Skin colour on the penis?
Q. My boy friend has two different colours of skin on his penis. The part that is closer to the tip of his penis is lighter, but the other part is darker. why ?...
A. 12 December 2011: I also wanted to ask, is he circumcised? Ask him. All men have a different colour on the foreskin and shaft than the penis head. But, with natural penises you don't notice this as much. However when a man has been circumcised the foreskin is cut ... (read in full...)
I find it odd how the guy I like doesn't have that giddy kid feeling on me!
Q. I find it odd how the guy I like doesn't have that giddy kid feeling on me. I don't find that I can't stop smiling when I talk to him, I don't get that feeling in my stomach or any of that sort that you do when you like someone. I don't even find ...
A. 12 December 2011: You aren't in love you mean?
Not all relationships start off with the heart and the "in love" butterflies. Many relationships start off with friendship or the mind, that you know this man will be good for you. And not to worry. The "in love" fe... (read in full...)
I realised I always have a better time with my friends and without my boyfriend. Should I worry?
Q. When my boyfriend and I first got together (three years ago) we always used to have a great time when we went out just us or in a group, it was part of the reason we got together. Now however we always end up going home early together, not be...
A. 12 December 2011: At 21 tops you aren't old enough to "getting older and not wanting to stay out so late"! You're at the age where most people start going out MORE, not less. Anyway, I don't see this as a problem. Your boyfriend is your boyfriend, not your girl pal. ... (read in full...)
Questions about my sex life on the first date
Q. Today I went out with a guy for the first time- we've got some mutual acquaintances and that's how we got to meet. Date went well enough- the standard movie + eating one. He seems cute, easy going, laid back, kind to people and very good looking. ...
A. 12 December 2011: ps. I ended up at laughing my ass off, especially reading Cerberus' reply. I didn't even want to venture into his choice of words as it was too pathetic, but Cerberus gave excellent answers. "It changes a womans world", classic!!! I'll quote that ... (read in full...)
Questions about my sex life on the first date
Q. Today I went out with a guy for the first time- we've got some mutual acquaintances and that's how we got to meet. Date went well enough- the standard movie + eating one. He seems cute, easy going, laid back, kind to people and very good looking. ...
A. 12 December 2011: He was really rude. Sorry. Nothing charming about that. The rudeness actually took me by surprise, not only does he have the nerve to ask you about your sex life, he also has the nerve to criticizes it! What a piece of work. And yes, you know what? ... (read in full...)
My bf is chatting online with girls... should this bother me?
Q. My boyfriend has that game word with friends and all these girls chat with him an I read one an a girl said she was layin in bed he could join he didn't say anything bad back he just put lol an what? Should this worry me. Or is it just a guy thing ...
A. 12 December 2011: I wouldn't be worried. You'll find all sorts of people online and just think back on how many times a random man has sent you a picture of his penis. Just because THEY are rude doesn't mean you will get all excited about watching a random mans ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and my family hasn't talk to me since I told them I'm pregnant. How do I get them back?
Q. I'm 15 and having a baby what should i do? i'm keeping the baby but my family hasn't talk to me since I told them. I want my family back, so what should I do? I can't do this on my own, they want nothing to do with me. ...
A. 12 December 2011: What is your current living situation? Where from are you getting money for food at the moment? Your question is too vague for me to offer much advice when you say nothing at all about your living situation. You also need to give more information ... (read in full...)
Its gotten ugly between me & my ex. Should I try to make it right?
Q. my ex left me out of nowhere, then randomly a week later called me one night, because he heard i saw one of my exs that he doesnt get along with, he was going off on me saying "did you f**k him did you f**k him!?!?" i finally got off the phone with ...
A. 12 December 2011: No, he has been rude and obnoxious and very disrespectful and acting like a brat. He does not deserve that you call and "make things right", you didn't do anything, he did. If anyone should call it is he who should call to apologize. However you can ... (read in full...)
He's a great guy and he's dating trash
Q. Okay so there's this guy. I've had a crush on him for a while but then it turned into more of a brother/sister relationship. We still flirt and all but this isn't what this question is about. He just got into a relationship with absolute TRASH. She ...
A. 11 December 2011: Sounds like he is playing you to get attention to feel good about himself. If he is really interested in you he will take time to talk to you besides just flirting. So take it slow with him and make sure he isn't just using you to make himself feel ... (read in full...)
14 and pregnant, mom doesn't know yet. What do I do?
Q. okay so i'm 14 and pregnant i don't know what to do. i really want to keep my baby because it is my baby. i turn 15 the same week i become 15 weeks pregnant..my boyfriend knows and he wants to keep the baby too..i don't know what we should do, i've ...
A. 10 December 2011: Good for you! I think she will be a lot more happy about it when she can help you and be a part of this, rather than be pushed to the side because you think she wont support you. You need to give her a chance to show you what she will do, and so far ... (read in full...)
14 and pregnant, mom doesn't know yet. What do I do?
Q. okay so i'm 14 and pregnant i don't know what to do. i really want to keep my baby because it is my baby. i turn 15 the same week i become 15 weeks pregnant..my boyfriend knows and he wants to keep the baby too..i don't know what we should do, i've ...
A. 7 December 2011: I think your mother would like to be with you at the doctors to find out the gender of the baby. She is going to be a grandmother after all. Let her be a part of this, her her be a part of her daughters life. She will feel completely betrayed and ... (read in full...)
14 and pregnant, mom doesn't know yet. What do I do?
Q. okay so i'm 14 and pregnant i don't know what to do. i really want to keep my baby because it is my baby. i turn 15 the same week i become 15 weeks pregnant..my boyfriend knows and he wants to keep the baby too..i don't know what we should do, i've ...
A. 6 December 2011: How old is the boyfriend? What has his parents said? Could you stay with them by chance, in case your mother kicks you out?
Often parents will say they will kick you out just to prevent you from doing something foolish and becoming pregnant... (read in full...)
He's a great guy and he's dating trash
Q. Okay so there's this guy. I've had a crush on him for a while but then it turned into more of a brother/sister relationship. We still flirt and all but this isn't what this question is about. He just got into a relationship with absolute TRASH. She ...
A. 6 December 2011: I don't know if this is about being selfish or not, but I do know that who he dates really isn't any of your business, and if you care for the guy then you need to support him no matter what crappy decisions he makes. You can't control his life. ... (read in full...)
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