A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my current boyfriend for three months but have been friends with him for two years. We talk daily, usually on the phone or skype because we live half an hour away from each other. He says he loves me frequently, and I know I love him, (I had been secretly crushing on him for over a year already while we were friends but was too scared to say anything that would completely mess it up) However I have been hurt before in relationships, I've dated some completely terrible guys who were degrading and pressured me into doing things I didn't want to do, they said they had loved me so I guess I'm paranoid that he's just saying this to get in my pants... However, logically I think that he actually really cares about me. He's been in relationships where the girls cheated on him or acted crazy and overreacted (I know all about these since I was friends with him during this time). He never pressures me to do anything, always saying that whatever pace I'm comfortable with at physical things is perfectly fine and it doesn't matter to him one bit, he wouldn't have any problem with not doing anything past kissing and actually is adamant that we DONT have sex because he thinks the risk of pregnancy is too high. He's buying me an expensive Christmas present, I've met even his distant family and most of his friends, he talks to me every night even though he's swamped with homework and often exhausted and loves to be affectionate (hugs, cuddling kissing etc.)....so i guess my question is, are all teenage guys just trying to get laid? is this him trying to gain my trust? or do some guys really fall in love in high school? and does it seem he is?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 Not your real question, but why is half an hour considered such a distance you can only communicate through skype or text messages? Half an hour isn't long distance you know. Meet, hang out, he goes half way and you go half way and it only takes you 15 minutes! I once had to travel an hour each way to and from school, every single day two hours a day.... Another time it was an hour to work and another hour back, and that's just called a commute! I don't get why half an hour is seen as an obstacle to you, my most recent boyfriend lives half an hour away by bus and that's the shortest trip I've ever had a boyfriend! Anyway. Back to the question.
Do all teenage boys want sex? Yes, for most part. Do they need it? No. And most manage just fine without. But I don't think many would say no if offered sex with their girl. Society teaches boys that getting laid = being a man, while girls are taught getting laid = being a slut. So that explains the big difference.
Is he trying to gain your trust? I think so, but time will show. I do think everyone who is with someone would like them to have trust though, and a relationship surely can not work without trust, so yes, trust is a good thing to work at. If him talking to you means he is trying to gain your trust I don't know. Most people I think naturally don't try to "gain" trust unless you have distrust in them. I think most people just do what they do and think that as long as they don't mess up it's all good, and that through time, and by not pressuring you into anything, you will feel comfortable around him.
Do some guys fall in love in high school? YES. Plenty of them do. Just as many boys fall in love as girls fall in love. But why is this necessarily the opposite of gaining your trust? People want your trust not so they can use it against you unless they are a bad person, everyone who wants to be your friend also wants your trust.
Does it seem like he is in love? I honestly am not in a position to tell, but it sounds like he cares for you, otherwise he'd first off all not have stuck with you as a friend for 2 years and second off he'd not have been your boyfriend if he didn't care.
Honestly? You need to take your time, and you will figure out all of these things on your own as you get to know him better, learn if you can trust him, and see if he is in love with you. You'll see all of these things in time, and not everything is meant to be clear after just 3 months. Give it time, see what happens.
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