A
female
age
30-35,
*oftsyrup
writes:When my boyfriend and I first got together (three years ago) we always used to have a great time when we went out just us or in a group, it was part of the reason we got together.Now however we always end up going home early together, not because anything bad happens, but I feel like I can't be bothered to stay out when he's there. At first, I thought it was just because I was getting older and not wanting to stay out so late, but whenever I'm out without him, I want to stay with my friends.I didn't really notice until one of my friends pointed it out, and I realised I always have a better time without my boyfriend. I'm prepared to stay out all night with one of my friends but I just know I can't do that with my boyfriend anymore.Should I worry? And what can I change to put it back to the way it was? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 Your friend has made it clear that there is nothing between you both, but is that how you feel? Are you trying to tell us here that you think you may have feelings for your friend more than your boyfriend?
A
female
reader, softsyrup +, writes (12 December 2011):
softsyrup is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm 21 and sometimes I /feel/ old when I'm out in town and see little girls in tiny dresses and no tights walking down cobbled streets covered in snow haha.
The reason I was worried is because it was a male friend that pointed it out and I always have a brilliant time whenever I'm out with him and will stay out until everywhere is shut, but just know I couldn't do that with my boyfriend, I'd get bored.
There is nothing between us by the way, he for one, has made that clear!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 At 21 tops you aren't old enough to "getting older and not wanting to stay out so late"! You're at the age where most people start going out MORE, not less. Anyway, I don't see this as a problem. Your boyfriend is your boyfriend, not your girl pal. You enjoy going out with your friends more, well who wouldn't? Sure having a blast with your boyfriend is GREAT, but I would be far more concerned if your boyfriend fulfilled all your needs to the point where you didn't need friends any longer and only spent time with your man, never talking to anyone else ever again... Yes, that'd be worrisome. You enjoying a night out with friends rather than your boyfriend of 3 years? Healthy, thats what I'd call it. You've been together 3 years! It's good for you and your relationship to get some breathing space between you and not do everything together as if you are attached at the hip, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying the company of others more in certain scenarios. I mean there are plenty of times where you enjoy being with your boyfriend more than your friends, such as when you snuggle up at night. Or when he rubs your back after a long day at work (if he doesn't then there are other things he probably does that your friends don't).
Appreciate your boyfriend at the fields where he counts the most, in the boyfriend role. Appreciate your friends in the fields where they count the most, such as when you go out to have fun.
For the record, I prefer to go out on town with friends, or by myself, rather than with a boyfriend. The boyfriends I've had have never been the types to party like I do, and they are boring to be out on town with, or they kill my groove. Then again, they are much better company when doing other things, if you know what I mean ;) You don't need a boyfriend who can match you at all aspects of life. He needs to fulfill the boyfriend role, not every other friendship role as well. People have different friends for a reason too, because not all friends are god for all things, some friends are more enjoyable to hang out with and drink with while others again are the best for girl-talk or going to the gym.
Find something fun you do with your boyfriend, that your friends aren't a part of. And it's okay to need different people for all the different aspects of your life.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (12 December 2011):
There really is not a lot you can do here to change how you feel. It sounds like you become bored when your boyfriend is around. If your friends have noticed this then he probably has noticed as well that you stay out all night when he is not there. It is good to hang out with friends away from your boyfriend as well. That's always a must in relationships as you need your own independence as well.
I think you just need to put the fun factor back in to the relationship. Try doing different things together. Instead of going out with a group go out on your own with your boyfriend and try new things and different places.
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