A
female
age
30-35,
*iamondshards
writes:Today I went out with a guy for the first time- we've got some mutual acquaintances and that's how we got to meet. Date went well enough- the standard movie + eating one. He seems cute, easy going, laid back, kind to people and very good looking. At one point while talking, he was rather insistent on knowing about my past relationships. Now, it's not exactly the best conversation for a first date, so I tried to change subject a couple times, but he would go back to it- so I did tell him. There was not much to say, I've mostly had unrequited loves and one relationship. Then he was interested in knowing how physical said relationship had been and he ended up asking me whether I was a virgin then, beating around the bush a bit before working up the courage to say it. I am and I said so. He was very surprised, asked me if i did not start feeling pressured to do it, how the world changes after it for a woman, how I was too educated a girl not to have found someone at the university I attend and how I should start working on that between exams etc. I replied that it wasn't like I couldn't find just anyone -I had previously told him about a few guys who had hit on me and that I rejected- but that it was hard to come by someone I was interested in that reciprocated the feeling and that I was interested in having sex with someone I was in love with. The evening ended with him kissing my cheek and encouraging me to ask him to join if I had more suggestion for movies or places to go to- I replied he could do the same too, to which he agreed. I guess I'm just confused about how this date went- do you think I'll be hearing from him at all? I have a theory, but I'd like to have other answers before saying that. Thanks!
View related questions:
kissing, sex life, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 This is priceless...I'm not going to forget this "world changer" chap for sure!!
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 Dear male anonymous,
I agree with you, nothing wrong about asking your new partner about her/his past. We all do in certain point into the relationship, however not in the 1st date? Not in the first hour you spend with the new person... So much to talk about, I think if you go on a first date, if you are interested and really care about the person, you would want to get to know the person. Not talk about sex, old sex partners, etc... Talk about sex within the 1st hour in a 1st date is turn off... Yeah, creepy...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): I think there is absolutely nothing "wrong" or "unhealthy" or "sick" about a man's interest in his woman's past. In fact I think it signals a healthy attachment to her.
(Can talking about the past be a problem? Yes. But that still doesn't mean a person's interest in the past comes from unhealthy or abnormal feelings. It's a very normal thing to think about.)
But on a first date? That is different story. I agree that he was way out of bounds. Lots of first dates end up having "inappropriate" conversations and stuff so I don't consider this an automatic deal-breaker in theory. But it is a trouble sign that you seem to be a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): He sounds like a creep, honestly, I don't even feel comfortable talking about that stuff with my family or close friends. I would have got up and walked out if some stranger had demanded a run down of my sex life in a public place on a first date like it was some sort of creepy job interview. But if you can sort of have a laugh about it and you don't mind so much, I guess you can try for another date to get a better idea of the guy, maybe he's really nice but just a bit socially awkward. although I guess you are feeling uncomfortable if you are asking for advice! good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 You'll laugh just as well as I have :) Of course, Im not laughing at you, Im laughing at this bloke. We've all had our share of bad dates that we tell our friends about, in some time this one will be a good story amongst your friends.
"Changes a womans world", priceless!!
...............................
A
female
reader, diamondshards +, writes (12 December 2011):
diamondshards is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm looking forward to the day when I'll be able to laugh about this then, trusting your predictions on the matter. =]
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): Diamondshards,
You are NOT better off being honest in all circumstances. This is simply being too naive: your sex life especially and any other part of your life should NOT be an open book to creeps or to anyone else. This loser doesn't care about what kind of person you are in any way, he cares about knowing if he has a chance to bully you into sex and I predict he will ask you out again because he already bullied you into telling him all about your sex life or lack of it.
I predict you will have a good laugh about this in the future too.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): Trust me diamondshards, this is going to be really funny to you in the future. It may feel like a failed date to you now, but once that passes you're going to have a great laugh recounting the things he said to your friends.
It's hilarious like.
This isn't a rejection, it's a lucky escape it is simply not a reflection on you. It does sting to have that glimmer of hope taken away when you realize the person you're attracted to is a nutcase as you said better to find out now, but save the bad tastes for the ones that matter. This guy is just one you can file into your folder of hilarious dating anecdotes. Under the title "the world changer". Because if he was one of my friends that's what he'd be called from now on. I'd slag him until the cows the come home.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (12 December 2011):
ps. I ended up at laughing my ass off, especially reading Cerberus' reply. I didn't even want to venture into his choice of words as it was too pathetic, but Cerberus gave excellent answers. "It changes a womans world", classic!!! I'll quote that one from now on over worst player pick-up-lines lmao!!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (12 December 2011):
He was really rude. Sorry. Nothing charming about that. The rudeness actually took me by surprise, not only does he have the nerve to ask you about your sex life, he also has the nerve to criticizes it! What a piece of work. And yes, you know what? He just wants a fuck. Ditch the loser. This is so bad I'm stuck between laughing and pitying him.
Tons of guys appear nice only to get in your pants, that's pretty standard technique. He obviously wasn't that nice, lol!! Forget about him, you'll find way better pretty soon, shouldn't have to look far!
...............................
A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (12 December 2011):
Hi diamondshards,
I know he was sweet, charming, good looking, etc... But, just because it looks good and normal from outside, doens't mean it's actually good. To me he's weird and rude. I wouldn't trust a guy like that, also if you get to know him better, he seems like he's going to be aggressive, obsess, manipulative, controlling... Big red flag.... Makes me angry and scares me... Hope you make the right decision ...
Good luck/best wishes
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (12 December 2011):
The others have been very vocal about this creep, so I'm not going to go there. Read Cerberus' answer carefully...it pretty much sums the guy up.
Avoid him, because underneath the "cute, easy going, laid back, kind to people and very good looking" part, he's just scum. No decent man talks to a lady in this way, that too on the first date. He just wants to get into your pants and he's tried everything to be able to do that soon.
The problem isnt about if you'll be hearing from him or not. The thing to consider is, do you even want to hear from him? This guy is bad news OP. Steer clear of him
...............................
A
female
reader, diamondshards +, writes (12 December 2011):
diamondshards is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEveryone, thanks for your time and answers.
Of course, I was surprised when he brought it up and briefly considered not answering, but then I felt as though I was better off being honest about the kind of person I am and my beliefs, because I don't feel as though I have anything to hide and because I'd rather make myself clear to the people around me.
I agree with what you all said about it being out of line- especially given his reaction to my answer. I don't feel like I should be pointed at as some sort of mythical creature because I haven't been in a relationship I valued enough to commit physically to it as well. My guess was that he was hoping for some easy lay and thus that was what he was interested in knowing about me- which is why I think he'll likely not contact me again, seeing as I don't fit into his standards of 'having casual sex'. From this point of view, I'm glad I did tell him that- it'd have been a waste of time for both of us if, not being sure about this, he had asked me out a few more times.
I guess it's just a shame, he seemed like a nice guy up until that point. Oh well, I suppose anyone has a right to view relationships the way they wish to- even if this sort of left a bad aftertaste in my mouth, truth be told.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): Please, please do not see this guy again. He has already massively overstepped a social boundary of etiquette and I suspect would have no problem in pressuring you to overstep your sexual boundaries as well. Deeply creepy and way out of line...grrr, makes me angry just thinking about it!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): It sounds fine except for the fact he's a grade A creep.
We guys aren't that hard to figure out OP, we generally signal our intentions early by how we act on dates. Sex was very big on the agenda with this guy. Not only that but he was dirty and seedy about it too. He talked to you like he was convincing a 12 year old sleep with him and I wouldn't be surprized if that was his thing.
"asked me if i did not start feeling pressured to do it," That's ironic as hell seeing as he then starts pressuring you subtly straight away.
"the world changes after it for a woman" How the fuck would he know? and what the fuck kind of thing is that to say to a woman especially one you don't even know.
"how I was too educated a girl not to have found someone at the university I attend" How patronizing is that like? Too educated not to have found someone? Hang on a minute while I drop my knickers for you Don Juan, you smooth fecker!
"He was very surprised" Oh my fucking god! :O A virgin? You? You're far too educated to be a virgin, I mean a woman's world changes after it. You really should start working on getting some cock in between exams and stuff you know? It'll change your world baby!
How did the date go? It went great if you're into guys who speak like convicted sex offenders.
OP if he's this obsessed with and already trying to plant the sexual seed on the first date, then this guy is bad news. Now he was persistent about this too, on the first date like. Imagine what he'll be doing if it gets to a third or fourth date. Imagine what he'll be like with a few drinks in him. Is this really the kind of guy you want to end up alone in a room with OP? I suppose if you like guys who are very likely to pester you continuously until you cave in then you're on to a winner.
Major red flags with this guy OP. That's not the language of romance like. He's made his intentions clear and he;s made it very clear he will be a pushy prick about it too. He already piles pressure on you for it on the first date. "it changes a woman's world" wow!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): His unhealthy obsession about your past relationships would be a huge red flag at any point, but especially on a first date. Even if he contacts you again, I wouldn't go out with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (12 December 2011):
 Totally agree with, C. Grant. Your guy's questions are a bit rude and it seems he lacks tact.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): This guy is a creep. No one should ask about your sex life or your virginity on a first date / encounter - it's not their business. No one has the right to know any of this until you feel you want to share it with them and until they have your trust in a real relationship. my advice is don't discuss this with anyone again in this way, just tell them that is not their business. You need to set healthy boundaries for yourself.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 I suspect you will be hearing from him. But I wonder if you really want to pursue this further.
To me his questions speak to a fixation that's worrisome. It just doesn't seem appropriate to bring it up on a first date, and uncouth to ignore your polite diversion. Doesn't sound like a quality guy, IMHO.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): I'm not really sure what to make of this myself. Honestly, I find it rude to ask someone such personal questions on a first date.
I would avoid this person if I were you.
...............................
|
