A
female
age
41-50,
*atrixii
writes:I have been dating this guy for over a month and we get along extremely well. One thing led to another the night before last and we had really great first time protected sex. The next day we were texting about the experience and I mentioned that we should both get some "checkups and testing" before we continue and I asked what did he think. He acted completely shocked and offended. He said no one had asked him that before and considering we had just had an intimate moment together my timing was terrible. He felt like I must've thought he was "dirty" or something. I was actually thinking that I just want to get that all out of the way because the sex was awesome and I really like him and want to continue. I was going to approach the subject before we had sex, but the sex came first. I let him know all of this but he was still upset for the whole day. He said that I was too direct with something so private/personal. I feel like this may change things between us and am wondering was my timing really THAT bad? What was his problem?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): No, the timing was actually a little late, but better late than never.
Get tested....don't die from AIDS like someone I knew did.
But, I agree, texting is not the way to do it....this is a face to face thing.
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 Too direct for something so private/personal? You guys just had sex together. I don't think it really gets more personal than that.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 Your timing wasn't bad and this is pretty straight routine, although I strongly discourage anyone from having intimate and important conversations over TEXT or phone. Talk in person about intimate things. But no, the timing wasn't off, you should have had this talk before having sex though.
He's just not used to this. He hasn't been asked before, thats why he is so confused as to why you ask. Many people have this as a routine, he obviously isn't one of them. He'll calm down in time once he sees how much of a routine this is, and how little it is to be taken personally. Everyone should get tested after each partner they've been with, out of courtesy to their next partner and for their own health's sake. Tell him that this is how you practice safe sex. He'll get over it. If he doesn't, well then, too bad for him.
Although I strongly advise you to not have unprotected sex with him again before he has gotten tested. If he's never been tested before in his life then you just don't know what he's carrying!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 This is all new to him, no girl has ever asked that from him and it really shocked him that you asked him for this. He obviously took offence thinking that you thought he was dirty or something. To be honest you have done the right thing and it shows that you are responsible and safe when it comes to your sexual health. He obviously has never really gave it much thought and it took him as some surprise. This is his issue that he needs to deal with, and if he wants to act stroppy about it then maybe he is not as mature and careful as you would like. Am sure he will calm down in time, but no you where not in the wrong so stick to your guns.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (13 December 2011):
 I think that you just brought up the subject at the wrong time. Other than that, I don't think you did anything wrong. It's totally reasonable to ask for an STI test if you plan to have sex with that person continually, even if it's protected. He should take the test just to be safe. If he's not comfortable, then try to make it comfortable by suggesting that you two make an appointment on the same day or see the same doctor. If he's not willing to at all, then maybe you shouldn't date the guy because he's putting your safety and his own at risk, and he can avoid all of that with just a simple check up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Men always felt they are offended. But you already said "we". If it includes you he should know that you want him for ever. It is not about timing, it is about health specially YOUR HEALTH. Some deseases is transfered from kissing,if there was bleeding.
Try to explain to him, if he doesn't understand please don't risk your life.
That kind of action is suspicious. Give him time to come to his senses.
Good luck
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