A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I lost my virginity to my ex back in may and between then and now I've only had sex 7 times. My ex was roughly below average (about 3.5-4 inches) and he had a small girth so I don't know if that has anything to do with why I'm experiencing so much pain. But whenever I have sex it feels like torture. The guy that I'm seeing right now is about 7.5-8 inches, plus he has a wide girth. My question is, if I've lost my virginity already, is it normal for me to still be feeling pain? And if so, is there anyway to alleviate it? How long does this "stage" last for normally?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've known him since I was 17. I'm 19 now. We started seeing each other since September. And we didn't start having sex until the beginning of December. I am vocal about what hurts me and how I liked to be touched and he understands that. I do believe he's worth it because I trust him. I just want to finally get pleasure from sex rather than pain.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 December 2011):
 Well then... My only guess is you aren't turned on enough. Doesn't matter how much foreplay action there is if it doesn't do the trick. It is odd that his fingers would hurt as well, but when you say "fingers" it makes me wonder just how many fingers does he use at once??? He's supposed to only use ONE finger. Of course it'll hurt if he tried to jam more up there. So how many fingers does he use? Do you TELL HIM that he is hurting you?
If he is hurting you during foreplay then naturally that pain will still be there when you more on to sex. If he's already scratching you up and making you feel uncomfortable during foreplay you will be so tensed, not enjoying yourself, and already so sore, that by the time he gets to the intercourse you'll have 3 times as much pain as you'd otherwise have.
This guy is doing it wrong, and you need to be vocal about it. TELL HIM that it hurts. Work on finding things that do not hurt. One finger at a time. Wait with intercourse until YOU are ready, and maybe even stick to blowjobs and him learning how to touch you without hurting you, before you move on to the bigger problems.
If you only recently started dating this guy... and I know you wont follow this advice, but Im going to say it anyway: maybe you should break it off. Being sexually compatible is a big deal when in a long term relationship, and for a short term relationship it means everything. Sure, after a year of pain you might be getting the hang of it with him, but is he worth that? If you loved him and had been best friends for years and you knew he was the one for you, before you moved on to sex, well then you'd know. But this guy sounds like someone you only recently met. Maybe if things don't improve in the sex department... you should let him go. A great relationship isn't worth a painful sexlife... it'll just turn you off from having sex in the end. But, you've only had sex 7 times, and I don't know how many times with the new man. Could be you will stretch out fast. Although I think you are better off getting to know him at a non sexual level to see if he's really worth this, because if he's big, and you have an average or small vagina, it'll not work.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBefore sex there's a lot of foreplay. Kissing and stimulating my G-spot. And when he inserts his fingers that hurts too, like I'm being stretched too far. We use lubricant as well (KY). He's been going slow, but like I said it still hurts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): well it'll hurt first time because of course it's something you've not experienced before and it's new and you possibly would of tensed up. it's better to relax the muscle because it'll be a bit more easier.
Secondly were you lubed up enough? or are you being lubed up enough? i don't tend to have much natural so use water based ones to help. Thirdly do you use a condom? because if it hurts whilst using one it can sometimes be you're allergic to the latex. What type of feeling is it? is it stinging or just plain hurtful?
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 December 2011):
ps. I was with my ex a year and a half and only after a year or so things started to feel better... But certain positions were off limits, and I always had to use extra lubricant.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (15 December 2011):
The pain when you lose your virginity is mostly because your vagina isn't used to something of that size pushed up there. So naturally, when someone above average comes along that you haven't gotten used to, it'll hurt! It hurts because your vagina is stretching out.
For some women it'll continue to hurt for years before they get used to a big one (like me, I had an ex with a wide girth and I'd not want to go through that again!), for others with naturally larger vaginas (yes, they do come in different sizes as well) it takes shorter time to get used to it.
He needs to go SLOOOOOOW. And you need to invest in some lubricant, that was the only thing that worked for me when I had that ex with a thick one. Lots of lubricant. My own wasn't enough to even get started. And certain positions worked while others were a no-no. I couldn't ride him, if I tried to sit down on him I would start to bleed! We always had to start in missionary, and then maybe roll around with his penis still inside if we wanted other position, because inserting it was really painful! The first time I had sex with him I cried afterwards because I hurt so much, and I couldn't move my legs! And I wasn't a virgin either...
Big guys hurt. Period.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2011): Your new guys penis is too big for you to handle. You have to take it far slower and use a hell of a lot of lube and he can't penetrate you too deep.
You also have to be as relaxed as possible so plenty of foreplay beforehand.
OP I'm not sure how long it will last because I've been with girls that it took a while for them to get used to my size and some girls just never did and we had to end it because we just didn't fit.
Next time you have sex you go on top and you be in control, that way you can go as slow as you need to and work it in a way that's most comfortable for you.
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