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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: This is probably a really unusual question but...I think I'm addicted to porn/masturbating. I'm not sure, I don't watch it/do it every day but when I'm bored, I can watch it up to two times to get my "fix" of sexual buzz for the day. I guess this allll stemmed from me discovering how to orgasm just 5 months ago! I've been a little obsessed with the feeling that I get and how stress free it makes me. My bf can't make me orgasm so I just pull out my vibrator when he's not around. Masturbation/watching porn doesn't interrupt my daily life, I don't constantly think about it. But I want to know how I can stop doing it as often so I can feel satisfied by my boyfriend and want him more? Is too much self pleasure harmful??
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (17 December 2011):
 Yep, men and women can have problems with chronic masturbation. Usually it's less to do with sex, and more to do with anxiety and stress, it can also be caused by using sex to get rid of boredom. It's a bad habit that can develop when we avoid problems or don't deal with emotions in the right way.It's important that women learn how to orgasm, with a man, or without, with sex toys or without. You just started having orgasms, I can understand why you know like to masturbate so much. It's new for you, so I wouldn't worry that your doing it too much right now. People who masturbate all the time, do it daily, miss appointments, or rush home to enjoy themselves, it ruins their life and makes them unwilling to go out and be social. They can masturbate up to 20-30+ times a day. That's chronic masturbation, and that's when you have a problem.You say he's inexperienced, well so might you be as well if you've never had an orgasm before. Sex is a two way thing, it's not all about the man being an expert and making a woman come. Because you say he hurts, I have the feeling that you and your boyfriends problem is a lack of foreplay, and fear of pain because it hurt before.Does he give you oral sex? Can you come by fingering? I actually would like you to put the vibrator down for a while and try to orgasm just by using your own hand. The problem with vibrators is that the have strong vibrations and no man or hand can match this, they make orgasm much easier, but can make it difficult for you to come in any other way. Not forever, just for a while, use some lubrication, or masturbate in the bath using soap, or the sensations of the water from the shower. (again, less intense feeling)If sex is hurting, it's usually due to lack of foreplay.. Many people think that penetration and orgasm are the main thing, but they miss out on the whole process. Kissing, touching, oral sex, there are thousands of different things to do just to get aroused. If it's a case of jump on, pound, come and jump off, he will enjoy himself but you will not.You need to know your body, and for that you need to touch using your hands. Does your breast like hard or soft pleasure, is pinching or stroking more arousing. Do you like strong thrusts, short thrusts, slow, or light touches. Explore your body more to find what you like, then tell him and show him, and take a long, long time. If sex is still painful, then use some lubricant. When we get hurt, either physically or emotionally, the brain remembers and the body tightens up. That is something you need to remove as well, so sex needs to be more fun. Telling a guy "enough already, hurry up and get off".. That's not fun, that's not sexy, and your brain remembers sex is painful, unfunny and with a man a waste of time. If you can't continue sex, then yes stop, but say it kindly. Try to return to foreplay instead, not as the start to sex, but an alternative to penetration. Or if you or he don't feel like doing sexual things any more, kissing and cuddling and sleeping, makes the body and heart feel loved, and helps minimize the problems with sex you are having.Sex is more than just orgasm, it's more than just penetration, sex also includes emotions and brains. Experiment with you, and then go experiment with him. Change of position may also help, so may sex games like role play or sexy words which may help get you into the mood. Many women can't orgasm through penetration, and need clitoral stimulation, oral sex or a sex toy to help them out. This is something you can share with your boyfriend, many men find a woman having a solo orgasm a wonderful thing to see.
A
male
reader, Reasoning  +, writes (17 December 2011):
Chronic masturbation is actually more common then you think, for about 2 months, one my good friends was doing it 7+ times a day. Have you had an orgasm without using a vibrator? If not, you should try, some woman can't orgasm without a rate of 3000 fps, which no tongue or finger can produce. But the more likely reason you haven't had an orgasm from your boyfriend is from a lack of communication, talk to him about what you like and if he really cares about you, he will go extensively to ensure your satisfied. To stop masturbating won't make you want him more, daily masturbation isn't harmful and can have many benefits such as knowing what you like. In summary, masturbating daily is great, stopping won't make you satisfied with him, and finally, help him to make you orgasm, he is very unlikely to do it on his own. Also, experiment with different positions, a position where your on top could help you orgasm cuz you will be in control of the movements. (Plus he will last way longer) ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice chigirl :)
I'm afraid it has become private me time, since I grew disappointed that no matter how he tried, he just didn't know what to do or how to do it. I get tired of it so I just tell him "please finish already" and he can tell I'm disappointed but I guess I've done it enough times that he just doesn't care about me getting there anymore. He tries still but he is inexperienced (had no partners before me, and we've been doing it for about a year and a half) Everything he does either hurts or feels uncomfortable so I just tell him "okay stop, just finish." It's frustrating. The problem is, without a vibrator I don't understand or know how to orgasm! I've never done it by myself with no "tools" so how do I start discovering my body more?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 December 2011):
 You just discovered this 5 months ago, and to quit doing it doesn't mean you'll enjoy your boyfriend MORE. If anything you'll learn what you like this way and learn how to get yourself there. I also think having orgasms completes your sex life, rather than leave you craving for more and being unsatisfied since your boyfriend can't bring you there, at least not just yet. I don't see anything wrong with masturbating, as long as it doesn't ruin your sex life with your boyfriend. I haven't heard of anyone who had their sex life ruined by the girl masturbating too much, it tends to be the GUYS who masturbate so much that they either wound themselves (my best friends boyfriend went at it too hard one time and they had to wait for a week with sex because of it) or that they can't reach an orgasm because they've been having so many already earlier in the day. Or that masturbating to certain things made them unable to get an erection from seeing a girl.
But, unless your boyfriend no longer turns you on (you got used to being turned on by your porn instead for example), or your sex life with your boyfriend has gotten worse because of this, I don't see a reason at all to stop.
So go ahead, do it as much as you like. But if you start to feel exhausted or like it burns on your clitoris, give it a break and a few days between each time, that should be enough.
Work on introducing your boyfriend to your orgasm one way or another. If you work up a habit of the orgasm being "private me time", or something you need hide, you'll have a big problem getting there when someone else is accompanying you. Make him a part of your orgasm, if you only start by thinking of him being there with you to begin with, and slowly take it a few steps further, until you eventually are using the vibrator with him in bed and maybe even letting him use it on you to get you there.
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