| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY: I am on the verge of divorce due to this irrational OCD
Q. Once again, my retroactive jealousy/OCD has overtaken me and I am on the brink of separation from my wife of 14 years(i can't blame her she has had enough abuse! She is fed up and repulsed by me talking about the past- Over n over n over etc..which ...
A. 5 February 2012: "No disrespect meant to chigirl, but diabetes, anemia and multiple sclerosis are medical conditions. Obsessing and arguing about your wife’s sexual past is not. If it were medication would have cured it."
Mental illnesses ARE medical conditio... (read in full...)
I used to be ignored in highschool, now guys just want to fool around with me in college!
Q. Well Hi, I just don't understand it. Back in high school, guys never ever showed any interest in me. Not ever. I only got asked to one dance in all four years of high school (there were about 3 or 4 dances a year). The one guy that did ask me ...
A. 4 February 2012: You teach people how they should treat you. If you don't want to just fool around you need to be firm about it. It'll suck since there will be tons of guys you want to fool around with, but you need to keep your eye on the goal and not on the ... (read in full...)
Terrible self-image -- is this normal?
Q. Is it normal to be so conscious of my body? Lots of people say how 'beautiful' and 'sexy' i am but i genuinely don't see it. In my head, i believe i am chubby, ugly and nothing that anyone ever tells me. Could it be because my last 2 boyfrien...
A. 4 February 2012: It's not to do with what guys you liked did or who they went for. Bad self esteem, or twisted image of one self, comes from you, and not from your surroundings. That is why it will not help of people call you pretty. Nor does it matter if people ... (read in full...)
RETROACTIVE JEALOUSY: I am on the verge of divorce due to this irrational OCD
Q. Once again, my retroactive jealousy/OCD has overtaken me and I am on the brink of separation from my wife of 14 years(i can't blame her she has had enough abuse! She is fed up and repulsed by me talking about the past- Over n over n over etc..which ...
A. 4 February 2012: I think you need to seek more professional help as this is beyond your control. This is too much for you to deal with on your own, if you were able to get the behaviour and impulses under control by yourself then you'd have kept it under control for ... (read in full...)
I cause myself to have nervous gas and I can't focus
Q. There class when the classroom gets quiet I get reall nervous because I'm scared my stomach will make gas noises. Its not because of what I eat it's because I get so nervous I cause my self to get nervous gas. I've tried not eating and a pill once ...
A. 4 February 2012: I think you need to tell us first what you have tried already and what worked or didn't work and why. Because this isn't the first time you ask this question, and unless you can say that you have actually tried any of the previous suggestions there ... (read in full...)
Would it be safe to have oral sex after my boyfriend's cold sore is gone?
Q. My boyfriend has a cold sore on his lip and it just made me wonder if we have oral sex long after it's gone (we've not had it yet and aren't planning it yet either) and we have no STI's, would it still be safe to have oral sex without forms of ...
A. 4 February 2012: I think you should go with your boyfriend to a doctor and actually have his cold sore inspected so you and him can both be sure what it is. There is no point sitting here guessing. An oral herpes wont necessarily transfer to genitals, causing ... (read in full...)
Do guys like necking?
Q. Hi everyone I'm wondering if guys like necking. Girls and guys please feel free to answer but a guy's perspective would definitely help! Thank you! ...
A. 4 February 2012: What so you mean by "necking"? Do you mean kisses on the neck? Yes, boys like them just as much as girls do, but it it up to each individual. Some like, it other don't. ... (read in full...)
My husband supports everyone else but me. Why does he do this to me?
Q. My husband of three years will not take my feelings into consideration. Whenever there is a disagreement he will always take the others persons side against me. He will never defend me or stand up for me in any way. His sister and I do not get alon...
A. 3 February 2012: I don't think your husband knows how you feel. First off, I think he doesn't back you up because he values family and doesn't want his sister, or whomever, to be mad at him. So he throws you under the bus, but I think this also shows that he thinks ... (read in full...)
In real life I've never wanted him to kiss me. So is my dream telling me otherwise?
Q. I just turned 18 and im having some confusing feelings. I see one of my mates twice a week (all-day) with a few of our other friends, but I was recently really annoyed by him and vice a versa. We sorted it out last week and that night I had a drea...
A. 3 February 2012: ps. lots of friends kiss without that meaning they are sexually attracted to each other or want to date each other. Friends do kiss, same as hug each other. ... (read in full...)
In real life I've never wanted him to kiss me. So is my dream telling me otherwise?
Q. I just turned 18 and im having some confusing feelings. I see one of my mates twice a week (all-day) with a few of our other friends, but I was recently really annoyed by him and vice a versa. We sorted it out last week and that night I had a drea...
A. 3 February 2012: You need to learn that dreams are to be interpreted, never taken literally. Contrary to others here I do believe dreams hold meaning. Everything in a dream means something to you, it is a reflection of your feelings and your thought and the ... (read in full...)
I feel like I owe it to my husband to have a threesome.
Q. My husband has been wanting a threesome with another women, i was for it at first but after his pushing and searching I started to have my insecruities. I feel tho, it needs to happen. I was unfaithful to him. I kissed a guy. (it might not see...
A. 3 February 2012: Ask him if he thinks you deserve to be punished for cheating (I agree with you, kissing is unfaithful). If he doesn't think you deserve further punishment then take the threesome off the table. Instead, if you feel like punishing yourself, do it by ... (read in full...)
He's 25. I love him to bits, but how can he be so selfish? Even forgot by birthday!!
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year.hes my first love i love him to bits and i really cant sit here and explain just how much i love him and before anything i will not ever leave him unless he cheats on me so please do not ...
A. 3 February 2012: You're supposed to communicate your disappointment. I'm not telling you to leave him, but there needs to be consequences for an action. When he hurts you/neglects you/or disappoints you you need to make it obvious and clear to him, so that he can ... (read in full...)
The reason why so many relationships fail
Q. I've come to realize recently that there are so many relationships that fail, so many guys and girls that break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend, and so many broken hearts. You may say it's because of the increased population, but I say it's b...
A. 2 February 2012: Part one: people seek perfection. If that's true then that's only half the story. Because if half of everyone is out seeking perfection, the other half is self sacrificing for attention, continuously hanging on to some loser who isn't any good for ... (read in full...)
Would it be safe to have oral sex after my boyfriend's cold sore is gone?
Q. My boyfriend has a cold sore on his lip and it just made me wonder if we have oral sex long after it's gone (we've not had it yet and aren't planning it yet either) and we have no STI's, would it still be safe to have oral sex without forms of ...
A. 2 February 2012: Isn't his cold sore a STD itself? Herpes? Herpes can be transmitted even if there are no visible cold sores. So no, oral wouldn't be safe, but neither is kissing. You get oral herpes through kissing someone who already has oral herpes, you can be ... (read in full...)
Do all guys want serious relationships?
Q. Let me start off I am currently going through a divorce and dating for the first time in years. My husband and I met in college and were married for 3 years before the separation. When I first started dating my husband he was drawn to me righ...
A. 2 February 2012: I think we need to set a few things straight first. These men you meet are NOT nesters. By "nester" I mean someone who wants a serious relationship. These men who you have met are just talk. Several players pretend to be nesters to get girls ... (read in full...)
I don't love him, but he doesn't listen!
Q. I just realized that I don't love him ,and I'm pretty sure he knows it ,he see's the signs obviously .I just want him out of my life *period . How can I get rid of him ? He's changed in a good way ,to little to late ,I just want him out ,I told him ...
A. 2 February 2012: What stops you from leaving? Why can you not tell him "It is over, and I am moving out"?... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants me to accept the fact that she's friends with the guy whom she cheated on me with!
Q. i've been together with this girl for over a year now. about 5 months ago, i found out she cheated on me with a classmate of hers. When nov and december came, everything was fine, but i guess from sep to dec, there had been alot of lies and i ke...
A. 2 February 2012: Leave her. She's not treating you right, and if you stay with her you are only allowing her to treat you poorly. She does not respect you, she is a cheater, and she does not care for you. I know you care for her, but she is not worthy of your care, ... (read in full...)
I need motivation, how to lose weight?
Q. What are good weight loss exercises for over weight people? I physically can't do regular push ups so I'm trying to find new things I can do that will still work. I'm currently on weight watchers, but I feel I need more motivation... Any help would ...
A. 2 February 2012: Don't look to things you can't do, look to things you CAN do. So you can't do push-ups, so what? You can do tons of other things to work out your arms, such as lifting weights (use water bottles or juice cartons as weights, anything goes). Walk ... (read in full...)
He's 25. I love him to bits, but how can he be so selfish? Even forgot by birthday!!
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year.hes my first love i love him to bits and i really cant sit here and explain just how much i love him and before anything i will not ever leave him unless he cheats on me so please do not ...
A. 2 February 2012: Even if you think he'd never beat you you've basically given him permission to do it. Because you wont leave him no matter what, unless he cheats. Everything else is fine by you.
When you accept that he can do whatever he wants in the relation... (read in full...)
My ex husband's fiancée posted a picture of our LEGAL divorce decree ON FACEBOOK
Q. Gang, I am MORTIFIED. I am not thrilled or happy about my divorce... it's a failure on my part and it is what it is. I don't need or WANT to shout from the rooftops I'm divorced (yet again). I just got a text from a friend of mine congratulat...
A. 1 February 2012: It's supposedly illegal to publish someone's picture online without their consent, regardless of what sort of picture it is. Yet people do that all the time, but that doesn't mean you can't have it removed... the law is still there so I think you ... (read in full...)
How do I tell this gorgeous man that my green eyes that he was "mesmerized" with were because of my coloured contact lenses?
Q. I've met this guy who is much out of my league, he is just beautiful like a chiselled greek model. The thing is he has had drop dead gorgeous girlfriends and gets such beautiful girls approaching him. Which of course makes me feel insecure about ...
A. 1 February 2012: "I don't know if he would like me compared to those girls who like him also." Don't you already know that he likes you compared to the other girls he has approaching him? Let the dude himself decide who he thinks is worth his time, and if he picks ... (read in full...)
My ex husband's fiancée posted a picture of our LEGAL divorce decree ON FACEBOOK
Q. Gang, I am MORTIFIED. I am not thrilled or happy about my divorce... it's a failure on my part and it is what it is. I don't need or WANT to shout from the rooftops I'm divorced (yet again). I just got a text from a friend of mine congratulat...
A. 1 February 2012: Don't go on facebook for a few days and block your ex husband on fb. If you need to contact him I am sure you have his number, other than that there is little need in keeping him on facebook. So block him, then you wont have to see what stupid ... (read in full...)
Why cant get a girlfriend??
Q. Ok so im 20, very nearly 21, and im a virgin and ive never had a girlfriend. Recently i lost my best chance at getting a girl. I met her just after Christmas and we got on really well, kissing and cuddling by the end of the night. We spoke on ...
A. 1 February 2012: What kind of man is without relationship experience and a virgin at your age in this day and age? Someone like you. Do you feel this makes you a loser? Do you personally feel anything is wrong with you? If not, then why you do think there must be? ... (read in full...)
Is he scared to lose me?
Q. my boyfriend and i have been broke up for 3 weeks now. the past two weeks. he has still wanted me around, to cuddle and do sex he said he wasn't using and he didn't want to be friends with benifits. the thing is he broke up with me cause he said he ...
A. 1 February 2012: He writes some crappy clishè thing on facebook to et attention. How old is he? He sounds like a dramatic 16 year old. So what if he talks about you, clearly he isn't an adult, isn't interested in taking responsibility, and he lacks the ability to ... (read in full...)
We cant ever get married because he is 5 years younger than me, should I give up on the relationship now or carry on with him until I meet a more suitable partner?
Q. Dear cupid, I thank you for your enormous help that you've been rendering to us, I hope that you'll also see to my problem. I have a boyfriend whom I love so much and he loves me too, but my problem now is that I'm 5 years older than him. So I'm so ...
A. 1 February 2012: Carry on with him for the rest of your life. What's 5 years in the big picture? When you are old and gray on your deathbed, looking back, will you not regret not marrying this man who you love?
Stick to him if he is worth your love, regardle... (read in full...)
I feel ugly, and I need ways to cope!
Q. I'm in such emotional pain right now, because I think am so ugly. Nobody ever tells me I'm pretty, I am just really plain, and today I realized I'm deformed. I tried on several tight dresses, and my hips are just too big... if I fit into a dress ...
A. 1 February 2012: You are deformed? Because you can't fit into certain clothes? Exactly when did you give up on your own judgement of things and leave your trust to H&M and Chinese clothing producers? Just try on a different set of clothes, by heavens, not everything ... (read in full...)
He's 25. I love him to bits, but how can he be so selfish? Even forgot by birthday!!
Q. my boyfriend and i have been together for almost a year.hes my first love i love him to bits and i really cant sit here and explain just how much i love him and before anything i will not ever leave him unless he cheats on me so please do not ...
A. 1 February 2012: You wont leave him unless he cheats on you, so you'll take just about anything else he throws at you? Good grief, what happened to self respect and dignity? Raise the bar a tiny bit for your own sake. Love is never enough to carry a relationship, ... (read in full...)
We are friends, but now..he wants to have sex! What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone, So my friend and I have known each other for about 2 years now and we hang out a lot. Our relationship kinda swerves from being platonic to romantic(in a silly way)frequently but I never really thought much of it. Until last week whe...
A. 31 January 2012: Just tell him no thanks. You're not interested, and you don't want to risk losing him as a friend by mixing friendship with sex. Because trust me, at your age and his, with little to no sexual experience, chances are 99% that it will ruin your ... (read in full...)
Is phone sex cheating?
Q. I cant stop thinking of cheating on my boyfriend .I had phone sex with another man and it turned me on ,totally!! . Is something wrong with me ? Is phone sex cheating ?I wanted to be in a open relationship and he said he will think about it ....Am I...
A. 31 January 2012: Phone sex is cheating.
Did he cheat on you in the past? I wonder if this isn't a sign that he isn't the right man for you? ... (read in full...)
We have two children together. He's my fiance. Should I forgive him for kissing my younger sister?
Q. so my younger sister confessed to me that my fiance kissed her!! she seemed pretty upset and she didn't know how to tell me she said she pushed him away and told him that was wrong and was freaking out. he told me he didn't know what he was th...
A. 31 January 2012: There really isn't much difference who you kiss as long as you've kissed someone else other than your partner. It's just as disrespectful to your relationship either way, and it's just as much cheating either way, regardless of who it is you kiss. ... (read in full...)
Wife Always Walks Ahead of Me...Far Ahead
Q. This is a puzzling thing for me. About 10 years into my marriage I noticed that my wife would immediately walk ahead of me when going places. She doesn't slow down, just keeps walking. She is not more attractive for a woman than I am for a man, ...
A. 31 January 2012: Try one of the approaches suggested here and see what happens. We'd love to hear how things go on if you want to give updates in this thread. ... (read in full...)
Dating 3 months, no sex. Shall I leave?
Q. I need some imput. I have a new girlfriend and everything is good except for us not having sex yet. When we started to go out we both agreed that we were going to take things slow, and we have been to this point but Im a man that has needs and I ...
A. 31 January 2012: If you aren't having sex yet and you think it's about time then why aren't you talking to your woman about this? What happened to communication in a relationship if you come online to hear if you should "look elsewhere" when the solution is so ... (read in full...)
Should I Travel Other Places in a LDR?
Q. If you are in a Long Distance Relationship, should you travel anywhere unless it's to see your partner? I am having a difficult time and need some advice. I have a LD BF and we are new to the LDR. He moved away for school in September and I made a ...
A. 31 January 2012: I think you are right to go wherever you wanna go even if you are in a LDR. Maybe he's not used to it, but just talk about this. Clearly he just wants to be informed about your plans because he took is for granted that you would spend whatever free ... (read in full...)
We have two children together. He's my fiance. Should I forgive him for kissing my younger sister?
Q. so my younger sister confessed to me that my fiance kissed her!! she seemed pretty upset and she didn't know how to tell me she said she pushed him away and told him that was wrong and was freaking out. he told me he didn't know what he was th...
A. 31 January 2012: ps. If you do forgive him leave him in the dog house for some time as punishment. Don't take him into the warmth to be comfortable just yet. ... (read in full...)
We have two children together. He's my fiance. Should I forgive him for kissing my younger sister?
Q. so my younger sister confessed to me that my fiance kissed her!! she seemed pretty upset and she didn't know how to tell me she said she pushed him away and told him that was wrong and was freaking out. he told me he didn't know what he was th...
A. 31 January 2012: Were they drunk? Has this happened just one time? How long ago was it? Why didn't he tell you himself?
Talk to him about this again in a calmer manner, without the crying and excuses. Get down to the matter of the fact. Why did he kiss her, und... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he is still in love with his ex
Q. Hi I have been with my boyfriend 1 year in march we were talking last night and he mentioned his ex which he does quite often so I asked him if he was still in love with her and he said yes he is now I'm so confused but my question is will he be ...
A. 31 January 2012: You need to ask your boyfriend those questions. I understand this is frustrating and painful, but you need to ask him, he is the only one who can give you the answers you need.
But be careful with asking questions. Think about whether or not y... (read in full...)
Which plans should I cancel; those with my mum or my date?
Q. What should i do? It's my mum's birthday tomorrow, and we are supposed to be going shopping in the afternoon, and the cinema at night, but this guy i am dating said he wants to meet tomorrow too. Should i go to the cinema with my mum in the afte...
A. 30 January 2012: Didn't you tell your mom you already had plans then? The person you first made plans with should automatically come first. You could always ask your guy if you could meet him another time as your mom couldn't go to the cinema as planned, but in all ... (read in full...)
Any suggestions on how to whiten badly discoloured teeth?
Q. I hate my smile. I dont naturally smile with my teeth anyway, but if I laugh you can see them. My face looks horrible when I smile/laugh but looks fine when I haven't got any expression. My teeth are horrible, they are yellow and discoloured, my ...
A. 30 January 2012: Have you tried seeing another dentist to get a second opinion, or at least get some alternatives to how to make your teeth whiter?
Then again, have you asked someone other than yourself and your dentist? In most cases we think something looks mu... (read in full...)
Which plans should I cancel; those with my mum or my date?
Q. What should i do? It's my mum's birthday tomorrow, and we are supposed to be going shopping in the afternoon, and the cinema at night, but this guy i am dating said he wants to meet tomorrow too. Should i go to the cinema with my mum in the afte...
A. 30 January 2012: Why did you agree to meet your date when you knew you were busy that day? So what if he wants to meet that day, all you need to tell him is "sorry, it's my moms birthday so I have other plans, perhaps we can do it another day?".
Why on earth wo... (read in full...)
Can it work with an ex the 2nd time around?
Q. Is it possible to date an ex and have it work out the second time and lead to marriage? My ex who broke my heart 5 months ago is back and wants a second chance. He says he loves me and i never stopped loving him. We dated 8 months and broke up when ...
A. 30 January 2012: I too believe in second chances, if the right conditions are met. But in this case I don't think the right conditions are there. Like already mentioned, he cheated on you. Doesn't matter if he never met her in person, he was having a relationship ... (read in full...)
Guys I talk to think I'm flirting, but I don't even know how to flirt!
Q. One of my friends keep telling me not to talk to boys the way I do, and he says that I "don't know what I do to other guys." I've tried asking him what he meant, but he shrugged it off. I'm almost certain that he's talking about flirting, but I ...
A. 30 January 2012: If it is just a case of you being nice and not actually being flirty then yeah, it is the guys problem and you shouldn't stop being who you are. I guess it is similar with me, that when I am nice to guys they think I am flirting. Guys tend to think ... (read in full...)
Asked her out on a 2nd date by text and there was no reply! Feeling a bit awkward, so how do I deal with this?
Q. I went on a date with a girl from work. I liked her and I text her the day after asking for a second date. I have recieved no reply over a week later. I can take this and i know it happens. the problem is that im likely to see her at work. we...
A. 30 January 2012: Learn from this that you shouldn't ever ask over a text again. First off, texts are not very romantic, so asking by text might ruin your chances of getting a second date. Second, you don't know if she even read the text. Some times they don't get ... (read in full...)
Wife Always Walks Ahead of Me...Far Ahead
Q. This is a puzzling thing for me. About 10 years into my marriage I noticed that my wife would immediately walk ahead of me when going places. She doesn't slow down, just keeps walking. She is not more attractive for a woman than I am for a man, ...
A. 30 January 2012: PS. I didn't tell my friend that I was angry with her for walking ahead of me. Instead I slowed down even more and stopped bothering with rushing after her. Whenever I wanted to stop and look at something I would just stop, its her own fault if she ... (read in full...)
Wife Always Walks Ahead of Me...Far Ahead
Q. This is a puzzling thing for me. About 10 years into my marriage I noticed that my wife would immediately walk ahead of me when going places. She doesn't slow down, just keeps walking. She is not more attractive for a woman than I am for a man, ...
A. 29 January 2012: It's not to do with looks. It's to do with respect, in my opinion, or a lack of understanding for this behaviour being hurtful. I don't get why you focus on who looks better or who is in better shape though. She doesn't do this because she thin... (read in full...)
Guys I talk to think I'm flirting, but I don't even know how to flirt!
Q. One of my friends keep telling me not to talk to boys the way I do, and he says that I "don't know what I do to other guys." I've tried asking him what he meant, but he shrugged it off. I'm almost certain that he's talking about flirting, but I ...
A. 29 January 2012: Well step one is looking at what you actually DO, not the things you don't do. You know now from more than one person that what you do IS flirting. Now you need to figure out exactly what about the things you do would be more flirtatious, and stop ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
