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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im in a relationship and have been for 10 months my partner split with his last girlfriend of 9 years they have one child 6 and still txt as if there friends in jan she walked out I was there for him and we got close and now where together he really wants kids but im not sure if its to early? Even though I would love kids myself x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): I'd be waiting a while yet. You need to establish the relationship first. Get to know each other better and enjoy the time you have together.
If you aren't sure how he feels about kids and when he wants more, then you can try discuss this with him. Just reassure him you are just curious and want to know his thoughts on things. You'll soon learn then whether he wants to wait for a while or whether he does plan on children again in the next couple of years.
But personally i'd get the relationship going a bit more before rushing into children. all the best!
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female
reader, Koala Bear  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 Good for him that he loves fatherhood!...but YES, it is too early. You are only dating him first off, do not plan a family with someone who doesn't want to first plan a marriage. ***The security of an innocent life should also be made legally in writing*** So while parenting is nice, don't forget that every child needs/deserves two responsible adults.Let him get used to the having to share his 6year old between different households while maintaining a strong relationship with you, keeping all women in his life happy before making the picture any larger than it has to be.I know you are at a age where motherhood and being nurturing is appealing but just wait longer. The decision to have children is the biggest decision you will EVER make. Bigger than buying a house, or even saying "I do" at the wedding. There is no going back with this choice so wait until everything is right.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 Too early. You barely know this man yet. Ask yourself this question; can you see yourself with him for the rest of your life? Because if you have a child with him this man will be tied to you for the rest of your life, and so will this other woman btw. She will be tied to him for the rest of her life because of their child, and then you will be tied to him if you have his child, which will mean that this other woman and you will indirectly be tied to each other and your lives will be influenced by each others. If she goes on vacation one time, and he as the father needs to take care of the child, then you suddenly have two children around, and say you got a baby sitter for your own, but this other kid gets sick and needs the dad, you still can't go out with him because he will be occupied elsewhere.
Of course, this is all about sacrifice, if the man is worth it then sure. But is an unborn baby worth it? And do you really know him well enough to make such a decision?
If all you wanted was a baby then any man who could get it up would do. But I think you know there are other qualities necessary to be the father of your children... and does he have those qualities? Are you ready to tie yourself up to this man for life, and indirectly tie yourself up to the ex as well? Think about it. This is a decision that needs more than 10 months of knowing him.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 I would say it's too early if you aren't sure. I would give it another year to decide.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): If you're not sure then it is way too early.
Not only that but you're still in the honeymoon period of the relationship where everything is roses and peaches.
From my experience 18 months to 2 years is about the time you see how you truly will work with a person. Before this time you just don't know if you are truly compatible for the long haul or was it all just the excitement and initial passion of a romance keeping you going.
My view for both those reasons it's too early.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 December 2011):
 I think it probably is too early, he got with you very quickly after a long term, very serious relationship ended so chances are he is still getting over his ex, even if he may seem fine and say he is over her - there will still be some residual feelings left over from that relationship.
It almost sounds like he is trying to replace his ex and his family (i.e. his child with his ex) with you and a new baby so he can get that family unit back again. And that is definitely not the right reason to have a child.
What are your opinions on having children? Did you always imagine yourself being married before you had kids? Or does that not bother you? How long do you feel you should be together before you have kids?
It is all personal opinion really - to me, I would never have kids with someone unless we had been together 2 or more years and we were married. This is because I dont feel you can make a decision to start a family with someone when you have only been together a short time, you dont know that person well enough and the relationship is not yet stable. Being married also helps give stablity and means you cant just throw a relationship away and leave, you are married so it means you work harder at staying together and making things work.
But as I said before - this is personal opinion so you need to do what feels right for you. Yes you might want children, but the fact that you are on here asking if its too soon indicates you are having dobuts so if your gut is saying 'this is too quick' then you should listen to that.
If I were you, I would wait another 6 months and then re-evaluate the situation. See if the relationship is still going well, if there is any talk of further comittments (i.e. getting married) and see how the ex situation is developing. You will be better informed in 6-8 months time about where this relationship is going so you will be in a better place to think about kids.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (14 December 2011):
It is too early because you are clearly worried about it. Also, you would worry that he will leave you holding the baby just as he did to her. I think you need more commitment, possibly marriage before children even. x
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