A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm 15 and having a baby what should i do? i'm keeping the baby but my family hasn't talk to me since I told them. I want my family back, so what should I do? I can't do this on my own, they want nothing to do with me. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, soscared.. +, writes (24 December 2011):
i kno exactly how you feel i'm younger than you (i'm 14) and i am 26 weeks pregnant with twins..i'm going through the same thing with my family right now everything will be okay..i bet both of our families will fall in love with there grand babies when they are born..
A
female
reader, missieas +, writes (13 December 2011):
sweetie i went thru the same thing and as soon as my parents seen my son they fell in love w/him. Give them some time its a big shock to them right now.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 First of all I am sorry you are in this situation, I cant imagine how difficult it must be for you.
But you have to try and stop for a second and think about this from your parent's point of view. Their baby (you) has gotten pregnant and is throwing her life away by having this baby - I presume aged 15 you are not married or have finished school so having a child at 15 is a very foolish thing to do because you simply cannot support yourself or the child. Your family will be very disappointed that you have made such a big mistake and gotten pregnant - they will have wanted you to finish school, maybe go to college, have a good job, get married and THEN have a family. Not throw away all your opportunities for a good future and to become a teen mom - no parent wants that for their child because you are now going to have a very tough life and you wont be happy for most of it. Yes the child will provide you with a lot of happiness but you will have no money, chances are the dad will leave you (if he hasnt already) so you will be a single mom, and no future - you wont have any way to make your life better because you missed out on an education.
So your family is very disappointed with you - and you cant expect them to suddenly get over that fact.
You cant make them accept your decision, at the end of the day they dont have to be happy about everything you do simply because you are their child. It was YOUR choice to keep the baby therefore YOU made the choice to damage the relationship with your family.
So all you can do now is wait - I bet once the baby is born they will want to see their grandchild, most grandparents cant hold a grudge against their grandchild even if its mother was silly enough to get pregnant at 15.
In the mean time you have a lot of growing up to do - you made the choice to keep the baby so you are doing this alone, your family cant help you with this - it is your baby so you have to deal with it. Talk to the appropriate authority in your area about housing and money, talk to someone at school about keeping up with your education if you can whilst you are pregnant and then what will happen once the baby is born. Save as much of your money as you can to buy supplies for the baby. Is the dad still around? He has a financial obligation to you and the child as well so you need to make sure you have a legal document outlining his involvement with the child.
You are going to be a mom and you made that choice - you now have to grow up and be an adult. If you want a baby then you have to do this alone, you cant rely on your parents to help you anymore because you have basically decided to stop being a child and play at being a grown up with a baby. If you have decided to stop being a child to become a mother, then you are no longer a child in your parents eyes either so you have decided you are old enough to look after yourself and make your own decisions.
You honestly cant get them back - just learn to support yourself and get all the help you can from the government/school/the baby's father etc. Hopefully in time your parents will forgive you and will allow you back into their lives. But there are no guarantees - you didnt think about your family when you made the choice to keep the baby so you cant expect them to want to support you in this.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 What is your current living situation? Where from are you getting money for food at the moment? Your question is too vague for me to offer much advice when you say nothing at all about your living situation. You also need to give more information about what you mean by "hasn't talked to you". Are you living with your family and they ignore you? Has it been long? Are you living on your own and they wont answer your calls? You need to give more information on what exactly is going on here.
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A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (12 December 2011):
 ok more questions
1 - where is the babys dad?
2 - how does dad feel about baby and you?
3 - how does dads family feel about baby and you?
4 - what were your parents reasons for stopping contact (is it because you refused to consider adoption/abortion or just for being stupid enough to get knocked up)
5 - have your parents kicked you out? if so where are you staying?
As others have said you havent given us much information, so any answer we give runs the risk of just not being applicable in your situation.
Your right in that you cant do this alone. There are charities out there that help teenage mums, but what you really need is your familys support.
What are your intentions with regards to yourself and the baby?
Are you wanting to continue at school? - does your school run a creche, or is there a school nearby that you can attend with a teen mum unit? Were you expecting your mum/other family member to take care of the baby?
Obviously bringing a baby into the world is a HUGE responsibility and even if you do the lions share, it means your family are unwillingly having to take a share of that respobsibility. Teenage parents can be fantastic parents, hwoever it ALWAYS means sacrifice for everyone involved. Your parents love you, and dont want you to have to sacrifice anything for the sake of a baby. Its not that they wont love a baby of yours, its more that they would rather love that baby later - when your in a position to look after yourself and the baby properly. They know from experience how hard and expensive it is to raise a child, and fear that your decision to continue the pregnancy will mean that you AND the baby will miss out on so much.
If you are 100% on keeping your baby (which you have every right to do), then you need to start owning those responsibilities. Have you researched your schools policy, have you contacted anyone for help with choosing a nursery, have you considered where you will both live. If you start doing your preparations now, financially and physically then your parents are more likely to be accepting of the situation. Dont expect them to be happy about it though.
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (12 December 2011):
 Hi,
I know it's hard to not have support from your family in a difficult time like this, but you need to understand your parents feelings too. You are their innocent sweet little girl, imagine how they felt when you gave them the news?
I am not judging you, but the true is that you are a young lady still. Your parents always did their best to take care of you, sacrifice their lives to give you a comfortable life. They did all they could to make you happy. I am sure that they are upset because they never expected this to happen at your age.
The right thing to do is to finish school, enjoy your teenage life, that includes dating of course, but it's not the right time to be pregnant. You date different people, until you settle down and make a family. Before you start a family, you need a job, you need money to provide for your child. You need a lot of money, support, stability to raise a child. That's why your parents are angry at you. They are angry because they love you and because they want you to have a happy life. They only want the best for you. I am sure they have accomplish a lot in life, but parents always want their children to be better than them, more successful, happier... Life is not easy as it seems like .... Your parents did a good job making it look easy, but it's not.....
I know you are young, pregnant, and expected your parents to accept you as who you are... But, it's not that simple. You need to understand how they feel... Be patience, give them some time, and I am sure they will come along and help you. They are your parents, and I am sure they love you unconditionally. I know you are sad, but you need to understand them, they have the right to be angry at you right now.
When time comes, talk to them and be serious and responsible. Be kind to your parents. You need a plan. Finish school, get a part time job, and save as much money as you can. If they are going to help you, you need to help them...
Good luck/best wishes...
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (12 December 2011):
 It would help us make an informed answer if you gave us some more info. How careful were you with contraception? How old are you and what's the age of consent in your state? Are you in a relationship with the dad and if so how old is he? What were the exact grounds that your parents decided to stop talking to you?
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 You haven't given us much to go on, so our answers won't perhaps help as much as you hope. Please feel free to add information.
You've said you're keeping the baby. What that really means is that you're giving your parents another baby to raise. Since they didn't choose to have a child, they probably aren't thrilled with the idea.
You'll tell us that you're going to do it all, that you're going to love the child and enjoy the love it gives you. How do you plan to pay for it all? To buy a crib, a change table, diapers, baby clothes, formula, and baby blankets? Oh, you'll get a job? At minimum wage, even if your parents are giving you a roof over your head and giving you meals, you won't begin to be able to pay.
At 15, are you really ready to give up your friends, going out, having fun? Because having a child means that you get zero fun time. None. Oh, your parents will take care of the baby when you want to go out? Gee, did you ask them about that? Maybe that's why they're not thrilled.
No you can't do this on your own. And no, just because you got pregnant doesn't mean you can put this on them. So talk to your family. The fact that they're not talking to you says that you can't keep the baby. Your choices are adoption or, if it's early enough, abortion. They're telling you loud and clear that they don't want to take care of the baby.
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