A
male
age
30-35,
*andomando
writes:I was in a relationship for a year and I recently broke up with her. Its been about two weeks and we only talked once. I broke up with her because she cheated on me. She blacked out and I guess from what she told me she made out with another guy and fell asleep in his bed... I didn't break up with her right away because I couldn't. I found out through a friend that it happened a month ago. I asked her she denied it then told me the truth. I was really mad and I thought I could handle it, so I waited about a week. I couldn't sleep at nights. So i broke u with her.I met a girl through one of my friends at a party. we ended up bumping in to each other for the next three days. At friends houses and at partys over the week. It was actually really random we met each other at certain places. We ended up basically hanging out and seeing each other every day for a week. I asked her out to dinner after about 6 days and she said yes.We really hit it off. We both had the same personality and enjoyed alot of the same stuff. My ex girlfriend saw us at a party and my friends said she was jealous and talking shit. That wasnt my intention at all because if she did that to me I would feel like shit. I feel really bad she saw us but at the same time I had to get on with my life. its been two days since she saw us together and im thinking about texting or calling her. I still love her and care about her. I feel if i start a texting conversation it will lead to a fight or she wouldnt answer. We both have really bad communication problems which lead to alot of our relationship problems. I know she wont text me again. I could wait a year and I probably wouldnt hear from her. I always had to start the conversation. I dont know if I should try to talk to her or not. I know she is very mad now. Still feel like I should be with her but at the same time I fell like I should move on. should i try to contact her or not?
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broke up, cheated on me, ex girlfriend, jealous, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 September 2013):
 I don't think you are over your ex yet either so getting into a new relationship is not a good idea and it's not fair to the new young lady
as for contacting your ex... nope no need.. she's an ex.
unless we share children with ex partners we have no need to contact them.
A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (11 September 2013):
 I think you are not over the ex and are using this current GF to get over , this is a rebound relationship. You still love and care for the ex or you would not bother about the fact she saw you with this new GF. Further its not fair to the current GF. Read your last sentence you are seeking validation to go back to the ex.
I suggest you contact her and see if you can work things out or you will always second guess yourself , should you have forgiven her and given this relationship one last chance. I will not say stick with the new GF, because if you were really over the ex you would not be here asking advise.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2013): Leave her be.
She cheated on you, you broke up. Anything you do now, is YOUR life.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (11 September 2013):
No, don't contact her. It sounds like you're a nice guy and you're trying to smooth things over, but there's really no point. Continue going on about your life and let her get over it and move on with her own life without you contacting her.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 September 2013):
I can't for the life of me see why you should contact her. Even if you loved her, you did the smart thing by breaking up with her. If you hang out in the same circles this was bound to happen.
An apology isn't necessary, you didn't do anything wrong.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (11 September 2013):
If you want to move on then continue what you have been doing up to now. Keep dating this new girl and continue to take it slow.
If you don't want to move on, add drama into your life, and perhaps ruins chances with this new girl then call your ex.
You have already pointed out all the wrong and bad things about your ex and the chemistry so I don't even see one point to contact her. You already said she wont contact you as well.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 September 2013):
 Leave her be.
Let her lick her wounded pride. It is never a nice feeling to be "replaced", even if she did cheat on you.
But maybe it will let her move on and maybe it will make her reflect on her own actions.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 September 2013):
 This is the girl who handed out her number to guys? I just got a followup answer from you on a post in February 2013.
I would just let it go. She has some problems, obviously, and I don't think anything you say or text will change her anger, misplaced as it might be.
She should be angry with herself, and maybe deep down she is, but as she is very narcissistic (a guess), she will find a way to assign blame to everyone but herself. Does she have a problem with alcohol, by any chance?
I would mentally wish her well, tell your mutual friends that you hope she finds someone and that you wish her well. They do know why you split, don't they?
As for your new friend, please remember that you are still freshly broken up and have strong feelings for your ex. In other words, don't go too fast too soon.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (10 September 2013):
 You sound very confused and you don't really know who you should be with. Do you think you were hasty breaking up with her? If I were you, and I genuinely cared about her I would have been more worried about her safety and the potentially dangerous situation she put herself in than her having a drunken makeout session that she probably feels terrible about. You made it all about you rather than putting your own feelings aside for a bit and making sure she was ok. Ok, I know she was the one at fault, and she lied and I'm not defending her actions, but her safety and wellbeing is at stake, and she probably lied because she felt so horrible about it.But you felt you had to move on and you are justified doing that. But you can move on but still be there for her and try to help her through a difficult situation. If you care about her you don't have to cut her out of your life completely.And you're not really being fair to the new girl since you still have feelings for your ex. So I think what I would do is make a decision, if you haven't already, who you want to be with. Then contact your ex to see if she is ok... but be completely up-front and honest to both women about your intentions. Let your ex know that you're with someone new, but you still care about her as a person. And let the new girl know that you want to be with her but you're concerned about your ex's wellbeing so you're going to contact her but only to see how she is.And do the same if you think you want to go back to the ex. Tell the new girl that you think she's awesome but you still have feelings for your ex. It's not fair on her otherwise.Sounds like a pickle, and I think you've got a lot of self reflection to do to work out your feelings. If you're ever in a quandary of what to do put the other person's feelings before your own and let your moral compass guide you.Good luck.
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